Wow…It’s been a while and where to start? I guess I’m better. I can’t say I’m walking around in constant state of grief and disbelief…but I can’t say I’m all together myself. I’m lazy…prone to just going to bed if S is around to deal with our daughter and the dogs. My house isn’t the same…my bedroom is a disaster…I do enough in the rest of the house to get by, but it certainly isn’t as orderly as it usually is. S and DD are out for the night so I had a bowl of ice cream for dinner…not something I would normally do. I wonder if this is some case of depression that I don’t even know about……I can’t say I feel depressed. Nor am I myself. I guess this too will pass. Time…time, everyone keeps saying it takes time. F time….keeps rolling along regardless.
I’m not even enjoying my Christmas shopping. Usually by now I’m close to being done. I usually offer to help my male friends get stuff for their wives because I love to shop, and I find they are essentially clueless in the gift giving department (I wish someone would help S out in the same way!). I especially like shopping with someone else’s money. But see…I use to do my dad’s shopping for my mom. Guess I won’t be doing that this year. I’m randomly raiding Target, not doing the mall and ordering everything I can online with out comparing prices! If you know me…that’s shocking. I mean I’m the girl that buys something…finds it for $5.00 cheaper and buys it again, only to run around and take the original one back to save the $5.00. I didn’t decorate for Halloween and couldn’t tell you where my Christmas stuff is b/c S. re organized the basement and I could care less in attempting to find or do anything...and I mean anything.
I’m not following the adoption blogs. I am avoiding dinner with friends because I’d rather go to bed and read. Man I need to snap out of this…but I did finally write an entry here…so maybe it’s a start!
And HEY! The Democrats won the elections! I did do a big happy dance that day. And Rumsfield out too! Only if we could get rid of Bush and Cheney! See…maybe this is a start of a better mood!
Thursday, November 16, 2006
A Liberal's Pledge to Disheartened Conservatives
I love this........
A Liberal's Pledge to Disheartened Conservatives ...
To My Conservative Brothers and Sisters,
I know you are dismayed and disheartened at the results of last week's election. You're worried that the country is heading toward a very bad place you don't want it to go. Your 12-year Republican Revolution has ended with so much yet to do, so many promises left unfulfilled. You are in a funk, and I understand.
Well, cheer up, my friends! Do not despair. I have good news for you. I, and the millions of others who are now in charge with our Democratic Congress, have a pledge we would like to make to you, a list of promises that we offer you because we value you as our fellow Americans. You deserve to know what we plan to do with our newfound power -- and, to be specific, what we will do to you and for you.
Thus, here is our Liberal's Pledge to Disheartened Conservatives:
Dear Conservatives and Republicans,
I, and my fellow signatories, hereby make these promises to you:
1. We will always respect you for your conservative beliefs. We will never, ever, call you "unpatriotic" simply because you disagree with us. In fact, we encourage you to dissent and disagree with us.
2. We will let you marry whomever you want, even when some of us consider your behavior to be "different" or "immoral." Who you marry is none of our business. Love and be in love -- it's a wonderful gift.
3. We will not spend your grandchildren's money on our personal whims or to enrich our friends. It's your checkbook, too, and we will balance it for you.
4. When we soon bring our sons and daughters home from Iraq, we will bring your sons and daughters home, too. They deserve to live. We promise never to send your kids off to war based on either a mistake or a lie.
5. When we make America the last Western democracy to have universal health coverage, and all Americans are able to get help when they fall ill, we promise that you, too, will be able to see a doctor, regardless of your ability to pay. And when stem cell research delivers treatments and cures for diseases that affect you and your loved ones, we'll make sure those advances are available to you and your family, too.
6. Even though you have opposed environmental regulation, when we clean up our air and water, we, the Democratic majority, will let you, too, breathe the cleaner air and drink the purer water.
7. Should a mass murderer ever kill 3,000 people on our soil, we will devote every single resource to tracking him down and bringing him to justice. Immediately. We will protect you.
8. We will never stick our nose in your bedroom or your womb. What you do there as consenting adults is your business. We will continue to count your age from the moment you were born, not the moment you were conceived.
9. We will not take away your hunting guns. If you need an automatic weapon or a handgun to kill a bird or a deer, then you really aren't much of a hunter and you should, perhaps, pick up another sport. We will make our streets and schools as free as we can from these weapons and we will protect your children just as we would protect ours.
10. When we raise the minimum wage, we will pay you -- and your employees -- that new wage, too. When women are finally paid what men make, we will pay conservative women that wage, too.
11. We will respect your religious beliefs, even when you don't put those beliefs into practice. In fact, we will actively seek to promote your most radical religious beliefs ("Blessed are the poor," "Blessed are the peacemakers," "Love your enemies," "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God," and "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."). We will let people in other countries know that God doesn't just bless America, he blesses everyone. We will discourage religious intolerance and fanaticism -- starting with the fanaticism here at home, thus setting a good example for the rest of the world.
12. We will not tolerate politicians who are corrupt and who are bought and paid for by the rich. We will go after any elected leader who puts him or herself ahead of the people. And we promise you we will go after the corrupt politicians on our side FIRST. If we fail to do this, we need you to call us on it. Simply because we are in power does not give us the right to turn our heads the other way when our party goes astray. Please perform this important duty as the loyal opposition.
I promise all of the above to you because this is your country, too. You are every bit as American as we are. We are all in this together. We sink or swim as one. Thank you for your years of service to this country and for giving us the opportunity to see if we can make things a bit better for our 300 million fellow Americans -- and for the rest of the world.
Signed,
Michael Mooremmflint@aol.com(Click here to sign the pledge)www.michaelmoore.com
P.S. Please feel free to pass this on.
http://www.michaelmoore.com/words/message/index.php?id=201
A Liberal's Pledge to Disheartened Conservatives ...
To My Conservative Brothers and Sisters,
I know you are dismayed and disheartened at the results of last week's election. You're worried that the country is heading toward a very bad place you don't want it to go. Your 12-year Republican Revolution has ended with so much yet to do, so many promises left unfulfilled. You are in a funk, and I understand.
Well, cheer up, my friends! Do not despair. I have good news for you. I, and the millions of others who are now in charge with our Democratic Congress, have a pledge we would like to make to you, a list of promises that we offer you because we value you as our fellow Americans. You deserve to know what we plan to do with our newfound power -- and, to be specific, what we will do to you and for you.
Thus, here is our Liberal's Pledge to Disheartened Conservatives:
Dear Conservatives and Republicans,
I, and my fellow signatories, hereby make these promises to you:
1. We will always respect you for your conservative beliefs. We will never, ever, call you "unpatriotic" simply because you disagree with us. In fact, we encourage you to dissent and disagree with us.
2. We will let you marry whomever you want, even when some of us consider your behavior to be "different" or "immoral." Who you marry is none of our business. Love and be in love -- it's a wonderful gift.
3. We will not spend your grandchildren's money on our personal whims or to enrich our friends. It's your checkbook, too, and we will balance it for you.
4. When we soon bring our sons and daughters home from Iraq, we will bring your sons and daughters home, too. They deserve to live. We promise never to send your kids off to war based on either a mistake or a lie.
5. When we make America the last Western democracy to have universal health coverage, and all Americans are able to get help when they fall ill, we promise that you, too, will be able to see a doctor, regardless of your ability to pay. And when stem cell research delivers treatments and cures for diseases that affect you and your loved ones, we'll make sure those advances are available to you and your family, too.
6. Even though you have opposed environmental regulation, when we clean up our air and water, we, the Democratic majority, will let you, too, breathe the cleaner air and drink the purer water.
7. Should a mass murderer ever kill 3,000 people on our soil, we will devote every single resource to tracking him down and bringing him to justice. Immediately. We will protect you.
8. We will never stick our nose in your bedroom or your womb. What you do there as consenting adults is your business. We will continue to count your age from the moment you were born, not the moment you were conceived.
9. We will not take away your hunting guns. If you need an automatic weapon or a handgun to kill a bird or a deer, then you really aren't much of a hunter and you should, perhaps, pick up another sport. We will make our streets and schools as free as we can from these weapons and we will protect your children just as we would protect ours.
10. When we raise the minimum wage, we will pay you -- and your employees -- that new wage, too. When women are finally paid what men make, we will pay conservative women that wage, too.
11. We will respect your religious beliefs, even when you don't put those beliefs into practice. In fact, we will actively seek to promote your most radical religious beliefs ("Blessed are the poor," "Blessed are the peacemakers," "Love your enemies," "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God," and "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."). We will let people in other countries know that God doesn't just bless America, he blesses everyone. We will discourage religious intolerance and fanaticism -- starting with the fanaticism here at home, thus setting a good example for the rest of the world.
12. We will not tolerate politicians who are corrupt and who are bought and paid for by the rich. We will go after any elected leader who puts him or herself ahead of the people. And we promise you we will go after the corrupt politicians on our side FIRST. If we fail to do this, we need you to call us on it. Simply because we are in power does not give us the right to turn our heads the other way when our party goes astray. Please perform this important duty as the loyal opposition.
I promise all of the above to you because this is your country, too. You are every bit as American as we are. We are all in this together. We sink or swim as one. Thank you for your years of service to this country and for giving us the opportunity to see if we can make things a bit better for our 300 million fellow Americans -- and for the rest of the world.
Signed,
Michael Mooremmflint@aol.com(Click here to sign the pledge)www.michaelmoore.com
P.S. Please feel free to pass this on.
http://www.michaelmoore.com/words/message/index.php?id=201
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
So what do you do?
What do you do after your dad dies? I mean I'm not sure. We had his funeral on Thursday and it all seems so surreal. I just can't believe he is gone. My Daddy is gone.
I go thru waves of emotions. Sometimes I'm okay, other times I cry. I'm anxious and nervous for no apparent reason. I feel so alone. I didn't realize how big of an influence he had on me, how much I needed him. Needed him to feel safe in this world. My safety net is gone.
My Dad and I didn't have the best relationship. I think we were too much a like. He had done so many things in our past but I forgave him a very long ago...I just think he never forgave himself. And god knows we never talked about it. We could never talk. So I guess how could he know I forgave him?
My Mother claims we both held each other to too high a standard, on a "pedestal" and when we fell neither of us ever recovered. But the one thing I never doubted is that he loved me and would do anything for me...I hope he knew the same.
My brother and Dad were able to move beyond all the turmoil...but my bother is a different person than I am...and I'm so glad they did. They were able to have a relationship they both wanted so much. But my Dad and I? We never did...and now we will never have that chance.
And my Mother, god my Mother. She just seems so small now. I don't think anyone realized how much she needed him too. We never thought he did much around the house to help her.....but the space left in that house, his absence is huge. He was home. I realize that now but I never had the chance to tell him. The house seems so quiet, so alone. My Dad was not a big man but his presence was huge. He filled a room, his heart was large, his spirit was great. I just can't believe it took him leaving to make me realize this.
I knew it would end like this....me not seeing him for months with no other excuse but that we annoyed each other. Me feeling guilty for not calling enough or taking my daughter enough so she would know her grandfather better. Guilt, something I could have easily avoided if I was not wrapped up in my own life. I should have made the time.
So to anyone reading this..make the time. Make the time before it's too late.
I go thru waves of emotions. Sometimes I'm okay, other times I cry. I'm anxious and nervous for no apparent reason. I feel so alone. I didn't realize how big of an influence he had on me, how much I needed him. Needed him to feel safe in this world. My safety net is gone.
My Dad and I didn't have the best relationship. I think we were too much a like. He had done so many things in our past but I forgave him a very long ago...I just think he never forgave himself. And god knows we never talked about it. We could never talk. So I guess how could he know I forgave him?
My Mother claims we both held each other to too high a standard, on a "pedestal" and when we fell neither of us ever recovered. But the one thing I never doubted is that he loved me and would do anything for me...I hope he knew the same.
My brother and Dad were able to move beyond all the turmoil...but my bother is a different person than I am...and I'm so glad they did. They were able to have a relationship they both wanted so much. But my Dad and I? We never did...and now we will never have that chance.
And my Mother, god my Mother. She just seems so small now. I don't think anyone realized how much she needed him too. We never thought he did much around the house to help her.....but the space left in that house, his absence is huge. He was home. I realize that now but I never had the chance to tell him. The house seems so quiet, so alone. My Dad was not a big man but his presence was huge. He filled a room, his heart was large, his spirit was great. I just can't believe it took him leaving to make me realize this.
I knew it would end like this....me not seeing him for months with no other excuse but that we annoyed each other. Me feeling guilty for not calling enough or taking my daughter enough so she would know her grandfather better. Guilt, something I could have easily avoided if I was not wrapped up in my own life. I should have made the time.
So to anyone reading this..make the time. Make the time before it's too late.
Monday, October 09, 2006
RIP Dear Daddy
My dad died yesterday. He was only 60. Why am I on the computer? Because my house seems so empty and I came home last night from my mother's to gather my stuff, get my car fixed..figure out what to do next.
My dad has been ill for a long time. Too many things to mention...but it wasn't any of that that killed him. It was a blood clot to the bowel...it rotted, it was all bad. He had less than a 10% chance to live. This was Thursday. But see my dad has defied all kinds of laws of logic. Maybe he would be the one...he could make it if anyone could. His spirit was strong. And he did get better...each and every day a little bit better. They told us he would never regain consciousness...and he did. The surgeon didn't want to discuss the next step or "what ifs" but he came to us Saturday and said if he continued to improve they would go back in next week and take another look...put in a colostomy bag. But he did tell us again not to get optimistic...we had a long road.
He was hooked up to tubes and IVs and all kind of stuff he never wanted. We all wavered between being hopeful and wondering if we were doing the right thing. Were we prolonging the inevitable? We didn't want him to suffer anymore. He had such a hard life. But as my daughter said "Mommy, we have to hope."
My sister flew home from England Friday...she spent all day Saturday with him...he saw his baby grandson. It was as if he waited for her, for his baby. He had to know when he saw her that things weren't good. Then Saturday night his organs started to fail...on Sunday we knew it was time. He wouldn't want to live like this. We all gathered around his bed and told him that we loved him...he nodded to us...he held our hands. They gave him a morphine drip and a sedative and turned off the machines at 10:50am...at 11:50 he was gone.
My daddy...my safety net. The guy I knew would always be there for me, to rescue me when needed is gone. Now I'm walking that tight rope without a net. And I'm scared. I guess I knew as long as he was there...there was a little of me that never had to grow up....now I do.
And god I feel so guilty. My dad and I didn't have the best relationship. To say we got on each other's nerves is an understatement. In some ways we were too much alike. And when I'm upset or uncomfortable I choice to ignore as oppose to deal...especially with him. There was never any arguing with him. I was 12 yrs old again every time I dealt with him. I'm not the type of person that cries easily...and he could reduce me to tears with one look. And because of that I hadn't seen him for 6 months, even though he lives only 3 hrs away. I can't remember the last time I spoke to him on the phone....I'm sure it was only a few weeks ago, but I can't remember and there is no excuse for it to have been weeks. I knew I needed to see him but my niece's birthday is this weekend and I figured I could see him then...but I won't. I'll never see him again. I know he wouldn't want me to feel guilty but I do. I know he knew I loved him...and he loved me but god it still hurts. My daddy is dead and there's no coming back from that.
My dad has been ill for a long time. Too many things to mention...but it wasn't any of that that killed him. It was a blood clot to the bowel...it rotted, it was all bad. He had less than a 10% chance to live. This was Thursday. But see my dad has defied all kinds of laws of logic. Maybe he would be the one...he could make it if anyone could. His spirit was strong. And he did get better...each and every day a little bit better. They told us he would never regain consciousness...and he did. The surgeon didn't want to discuss the next step or "what ifs" but he came to us Saturday and said if he continued to improve they would go back in next week and take another look...put in a colostomy bag. But he did tell us again not to get optimistic...we had a long road.
He was hooked up to tubes and IVs and all kind of stuff he never wanted. We all wavered between being hopeful and wondering if we were doing the right thing. Were we prolonging the inevitable? We didn't want him to suffer anymore. He had such a hard life. But as my daughter said "Mommy, we have to hope."
My sister flew home from England Friday...she spent all day Saturday with him...he saw his baby grandson. It was as if he waited for her, for his baby. He had to know when he saw her that things weren't good. Then Saturday night his organs started to fail...on Sunday we knew it was time. He wouldn't want to live like this. We all gathered around his bed and told him that we loved him...he nodded to us...he held our hands. They gave him a morphine drip and a sedative and turned off the machines at 10:50am...at 11:50 he was gone.
My daddy...my safety net. The guy I knew would always be there for me, to rescue me when needed is gone. Now I'm walking that tight rope without a net. And I'm scared. I guess I knew as long as he was there...there was a little of me that never had to grow up....now I do.
And god I feel so guilty. My dad and I didn't have the best relationship. To say we got on each other's nerves is an understatement. In some ways we were too much alike. And when I'm upset or uncomfortable I choice to ignore as oppose to deal...especially with him. There was never any arguing with him. I was 12 yrs old again every time I dealt with him. I'm not the type of person that cries easily...and he could reduce me to tears with one look. And because of that I hadn't seen him for 6 months, even though he lives only 3 hrs away. I can't remember the last time I spoke to him on the phone....I'm sure it was only a few weeks ago, but I can't remember and there is no excuse for it to have been weeks. I knew I needed to see him but my niece's birthday is this weekend and I figured I could see him then...but I won't. I'll never see him again. I know he wouldn't want me to feel guilty but I do. I know he knew I loved him...and he loved me but god it still hurts. My daddy is dead and there's no coming back from that.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
TV NIGHT!!
Okay...done feeling sorry for myeself...I know I recently put in an entry about TV shows...and well Tuesdays are one of my nights! I think I forgot to mention Veronica Mars on that post...and it is trully one of the best shows on TV...It might be my favorite...if you haven't watched it..give it a try or two...it is a tough show to jump in now at season 3 but give it a chance you won't be sorry. Tuesday nights on the CW..and Gilmore Girls! Yeah! Love that show too!!!
Did you guys see Heroes last night??? Wasn't it crazy??? And a bit bloodier than I'd like...this from a Buffy fan no less. Watch that show...it is awesome...Check ABC.com if you haven't watched it, the last 2 episodes are there. I think I might just rewatch them when I have the chance.
Did you guys see Heroes last night??? Wasn't it crazy??? And a bit bloodier than I'd like...this from a Buffy fan no less. Watch that show...it is awesome...Check ABC.com if you haven't watched it, the last 2 episodes are there. I think I might just rewatch them when I have the chance.
Crazy is relative... (warning F word used a lot!)
Or caused by relatives...I'm sure it's a bit of both. I rag on my husband's family a lot. And while they are nutts...my family is too.
There is a lot of history here...more than I can cover before dinner is done so that will have to wait for another post but what I can say is my Dad is fucked up. So is my Mom. But the funny part is I know they love us. Especially my Dad. And while their fucked up ways essentially isolated us from the rest of the family I never doubted my Dad loved us.
This isolation from our family was especially difficult on me. I was the oldest and my Mom is one of 6....4 girls and 2 boys. I was the oldest grandchild/niece and my Mom's family was my world. And I idolized my Aunts, they were everything to me. But because my Dad is fucked up...he did some really fucked up things. Ultimately it caused a rift in the family that 20 yrs later still isn't fixed and I've only seen my Aunts a few times since, the last of which was a few days after I graduated high school....in 1989...so it's been 17 yrs.
As I've gotten older and have escaped my parents home I wished I could see them again. Fear of my father's wrath and being rejected by them has made me think better of it...until they started contacting my sister.
Why have they contacted my sister I don't know. I think she gets a bit of a free pass because she is 6 yrs younger...maybe they think she doesn't remembers anything...I always felt like I was held responsible in many ways. I was told again and again, I was my "father's daughter." But see here's the thing, I am. I love my Dad, I don't love what he has done, but I love him.
When I graduated from high school things were especially bad, but that was a time when the family was "talking" again. It was a slow start, but it was something. Then they showed up to my graduation party...2 days late...like nothing happened and I was hurt and angry. I hadn't seen them in years as it was. I spent my graduation day waiting for them, so hoping we could reunite, be a family again and they didn't show. I was crushed and what I thought was an opportunity to fix things...failed miserably. I probably said things that now I don't even rememberbut I'm being held responsible for 17 yrs later.
Problem is, by contacting my sister they have stirred up emotions in me I wasn't ready for...and part of it is jealously. I don't understand why they don't contact me. Why don't they realize I was just a child too? Even if I was 18 at the time. It hurts you see because I have real memories of them, and believe it or not, most of them were good. Many times they were my saviors when things were so wrong with my family life when I was little. I have these memories and my sister doesn't. To her they truly are just strangers. She was 6 when they left our lives for the most part...we had some brief contacts here and there while she was a bit older...but they were always strained and difficult, ultimately ending on 6/3/1989.
I miss my Aunts..but I was just a kid and they did turn their backs on us too. I'm sure there are things about them I don't remember. I mean someone who walked out on us couldn't be all that good right? I look at my sister and my nephews and I can't imagine for a minute turning around and never seeing or speaking to them again. I love those boys like they are mine. I would jump in front of a bus to save their lives...and my sister's life too. So I'm jealous, I'm hurt, and I'm angry. My sister forwarded me a copy of an email from my Aunt to ask me what I thought. Now I'm armed with my Aunt's email address and I wondering what to do. Do I email her and tell her how I feel? Do I email her a "hi" and see where it goes? Do I just go on ignoring it? I don't know...I'm 12 again and crushed...I actually cried, and I rarely cry.
This is fucked up.
In no way am I angry with my sister......I wish I was in her position and I was the one they wanted to talk to. But I'm not...and I can't believe how hurt I am.
There is a lot of history here...more than I can cover before dinner is done so that will have to wait for another post but what I can say is my Dad is fucked up. So is my Mom. But the funny part is I know they love us. Especially my Dad. And while their fucked up ways essentially isolated us from the rest of the family I never doubted my Dad loved us.
This isolation from our family was especially difficult on me. I was the oldest and my Mom is one of 6....4 girls and 2 boys. I was the oldest grandchild/niece and my Mom's family was my world. And I idolized my Aunts, they were everything to me. But because my Dad is fucked up...he did some really fucked up things. Ultimately it caused a rift in the family that 20 yrs later still isn't fixed and I've only seen my Aunts a few times since, the last of which was a few days after I graduated high school....in 1989...so it's been 17 yrs.
As I've gotten older and have escaped my parents home I wished I could see them again. Fear of my father's wrath and being rejected by them has made me think better of it...until they started contacting my sister.
Why have they contacted my sister I don't know. I think she gets a bit of a free pass because she is 6 yrs younger...maybe they think she doesn't remembers anything...I always felt like I was held responsible in many ways. I was told again and again, I was my "father's daughter." But see here's the thing, I am. I love my Dad, I don't love what he has done, but I love him.
When I graduated from high school things were especially bad, but that was a time when the family was "talking" again. It was a slow start, but it was something. Then they showed up to my graduation party...2 days late...like nothing happened and I was hurt and angry. I hadn't seen them in years as it was. I spent my graduation day waiting for them, so hoping we could reunite, be a family again and they didn't show. I was crushed and what I thought was an opportunity to fix things...failed miserably. I probably said things that now I don't even rememberbut I'm being held responsible for 17 yrs later.
Problem is, by contacting my sister they have stirred up emotions in me I wasn't ready for...and part of it is jealously. I don't understand why they don't contact me. Why don't they realize I was just a child too? Even if I was 18 at the time. It hurts you see because I have real memories of them, and believe it or not, most of them were good. Many times they were my saviors when things were so wrong with my family life when I was little. I have these memories and my sister doesn't. To her they truly are just strangers. She was 6 when they left our lives for the most part...we had some brief contacts here and there while she was a bit older...but they were always strained and difficult, ultimately ending on 6/3/1989.
I miss my Aunts..but I was just a kid and they did turn their backs on us too. I'm sure there are things about them I don't remember. I mean someone who walked out on us couldn't be all that good right? I look at my sister and my nephews and I can't imagine for a minute turning around and never seeing or speaking to them again. I love those boys like they are mine. I would jump in front of a bus to save their lives...and my sister's life too. So I'm jealous, I'm hurt, and I'm angry. My sister forwarded me a copy of an email from my Aunt to ask me what I thought. Now I'm armed with my Aunt's email address and I wondering what to do. Do I email her and tell her how I feel? Do I email her a "hi" and see where it goes? Do I just go on ignoring it? I don't know...I'm 12 again and crushed...I actually cried, and I rarely cry.
This is fucked up.
In no way am I angry with my sister......I wish I was in her position and I was the one they wanted to talk to. But I'm not...and I can't believe how hurt I am.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
She running away...
Yep..my girl. That 10 yr old girl is running away. You know...her life is terrible.
My kid is a walking disaster, a mess, a slob...what ever you would like to call it. She takes after her dad. And the two of them...oh my god. A hurricane couldn't make a mess as bad as the two of them. Her room, well it's a disaster. I usually try not to say too much about her room...I mean it is her room after all. But see, my child has 2 rooms and a bathroom and the mess that eventually accumulates in there is mind blowing!
Finally today I told her she needed to clean things up. And after a round of arguing with said 10 yr old I lost it. That's right ...I threatened to clean it myself and after which 90% of the stuff would be gone! She packed a bag to leave. I told her to call her grandmother than..she can go live with her. (Nice aren't I?) Out the door she went to inform me she was walking...well she can't do that! So I ordered her back in the house, back upstairs to clean. She still insists she is running away....in fact she just handed me a bracelet's she just made with a note attached...it says...and I'm quoting here..."To M, See you in the future. From a kid that use to be yours."
OMG! It takes every once of self control not to laugh! Am I that messed up that I find humor in her agony!? Of course I find it totally ridiculous. And now I know she is making bracelet as opposed to cleaning up that room! Funny thing is..that second room, the play room...will be the baby's room. What will she do when that comes? Yikes!
Ah...just received a second note...and it says..."If you love me then I won't go."
The drama...................
My kid is a walking disaster, a mess, a slob...what ever you would like to call it. She takes after her dad. And the two of them...oh my god. A hurricane couldn't make a mess as bad as the two of them. Her room, well it's a disaster. I usually try not to say too much about her room...I mean it is her room after all. But see, my child has 2 rooms and a bathroom and the mess that eventually accumulates in there is mind blowing!
Finally today I told her she needed to clean things up. And after a round of arguing with said 10 yr old I lost it. That's right ...I threatened to clean it myself and after which 90% of the stuff would be gone! She packed a bag to leave. I told her to call her grandmother than..she can go live with her. (Nice aren't I?) Out the door she went to inform me she was walking...well she can't do that! So I ordered her back in the house, back upstairs to clean. She still insists she is running away....in fact she just handed me a bracelet's she just made with a note attached...it says...and I'm quoting here..."To M, See you in the future. From a kid that use to be yours."
OMG! It takes every once of self control not to laugh! Am I that messed up that I find humor in her agony!? Of course I find it totally ridiculous. And now I know she is making bracelet as opposed to cleaning up that room! Funny thing is..that second room, the play room...will be the baby's room. What will she do when that comes? Yikes!
Ah...just received a second note...and it says..."If you love me then I won't go."
The drama...................
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Where has the time gone?
Wow! It's been over 2wks since I've posted. I guess I'm officially over scheduled...or should I say DD is. School has started, soccer has official started, swim team has started, flute lessons, play dates, girl scouts...do you think she has too much on her plate? I certainly do but she fights me when I make her sit home and have a down day...what to do? I was always like that though..a go-go-go kind of girl. I always did much better in school when I had "too much to do." I guess she is her mother's child.
Speaking of which that child of mine turned 10 a few days ago. 10!! Double digits...there's no going back from that one. It was the first year we didn't have a big jammin' party...not enough time! She will of course have the annual slumber party I could do with out in a few weeks...but of course all girls love their slumber parties!
My best friend from college should also have her baby by now...she was suppose to have a C-section the day of DDs birthday...isn't that funny?? Her first baby born on the day of my 1st baby...just 10 yrs apart! I can't wait to talk to her..and see the baby!
Thank god the new TV shows are back on too....there are only so many books one can read! I tend to be a bit obsessive with books...I kind of treat them like a race....keep reading until I'm done, nothing else gets done...except the essentials of course. I tend to obsess with my TV too...I either love a show or hate it. I don't just watch to fill the time...because well, I have no time! But this time of year it is fun to see some new shows...see if any meets my specifications...and if I can squeeze any into my already overbooked schedule. And I tend to like the cult shows...Buffy, Alias, Angel, etc... You know the ones the critics love but never seem to become as popular as those mindless, serial shows that play the same scenario over, and over, and over! Don't people get bored of those shows?? You know the CSIs, NYPD Blues, Law & Order...even sitcoms do it...Frazier, Raymond...yikes! If you've seen one...you've seen them all!!!!!!!
Currently I'm addicted to Grey's & Lost...I also like Gilmore Girls...Desperate Housewives I watch...but....I don't know...I fell obligated..hoping it will be as good as the first season...but did you folks see Heros?!?!? Awesome show!! Watch it! Best show of the year!!!!!!!!! Well so far anyway!!
Well off to pick up the little one (or is she now a big one?) from soccer practice...then an early night for me! With some TV of course!
Speaking of which that child of mine turned 10 a few days ago. 10!! Double digits...there's no going back from that one. It was the first year we didn't have a big jammin' party...not enough time! She will of course have the annual slumber party I could do with out in a few weeks...but of course all girls love their slumber parties!
My best friend from college should also have her baby by now...she was suppose to have a C-section the day of DDs birthday...isn't that funny?? Her first baby born on the day of my 1st baby...just 10 yrs apart! I can't wait to talk to her..and see the baby!
Thank god the new TV shows are back on too....there are only so many books one can read! I tend to be a bit obsessive with books...I kind of treat them like a race....keep reading until I'm done, nothing else gets done...except the essentials of course. I tend to obsess with my TV too...I either love a show or hate it. I don't just watch to fill the time...because well, I have no time! But this time of year it is fun to see some new shows...see if any meets my specifications...and if I can squeeze any into my already overbooked schedule. And I tend to like the cult shows...Buffy, Alias, Angel, etc... You know the ones the critics love but never seem to become as popular as those mindless, serial shows that play the same scenario over, and over, and over! Don't people get bored of those shows?? You know the CSIs, NYPD Blues, Law & Order...even sitcoms do it...Frazier, Raymond...yikes! If you've seen one...you've seen them all!!!!!!!
Currently I'm addicted to Grey's & Lost...I also like Gilmore Girls...Desperate Housewives I watch...but....I don't know...I fell obligated..hoping it will be as good as the first season...but did you folks see Heros?!?!? Awesome show!! Watch it! Best show of the year!!!!!!!!! Well so far anyway!!
Well off to pick up the little one (or is she now a big one?) from soccer practice...then an early night for me! With some TV of course!
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
On that subject.....
TMZ.com is posting a copy of the video of the "Bush Death". I don't understand why we as US citizens get so crazy about this stuff. I mean isn't it a free county? Aren't you allowed to make a movie about what you want. Oh..right..that was before Bush took office. I forgot!
I haven't seen the movie...doubt I will...figure it will give me nightmares because the only thing worse than Bush being president is Cheney being president!
I haven't seen the movie...doubt I will...figure it will give me nightmares because the only thing worse than Bush being president is Cheney being president!
As I said before.....
Bush lied. And now there a website that tracks all his lies one by one. Hope they aren't paying for the space! In this election year I hope people wake up and get rid of some of these idiots in office. I know I'll do my part to be sure Santorium is out of office. Remember to vote! Everyone! VOTE! Register now!!!
Monday, September 11, 2006
What is it with her and men?
I'm sure I've covered my mother in law in some post in the recent past. But at the risk of repeating myself she can be quite an idiot.
She is not the best judge of character...nor the best of judge of men.
When she first offered to watch SL (my DD) when I was pregnant, I actually wanted to put SL in daycare. After I had SL and watch the two of them together and how she loved her I thought what harm can come of MIL watching SL. She loved her with all her heart. She didn't do everything exactly as I wished and at times she was exhausting...but for the most part it was trivial things that I could overlook. Now fast forward 9 yrs....
My daughter is almost 10 yrs old and is by far the favorite grandchild on my husband's side. It's actually somewhat embarressing. Thank god this favoritism is shown to my child...because if I was my brother in law I would be furious with my mother. My child is the apple of her grandmother's eye but it comes with it's drawl backs...most of which stem from my mother in law's lack of self worth. The sun rises and sets on this girl...and I think it's a lot of pressure for her. Over the last few years I've tried to limit the enormous amount of time the two of them spent together because not only was it a lot of pressure for my daughter but because my MIL was starting to treat my daughter move like a friend than a grandchild.
Now to the men part... She has been married and divorced 3xs, with countless men in between. She definds her self by the company she keeps. God forbid if she was alone for a moment. She recently divorced number 3 for a married man. A man that has been married for 30+ years, owns several businesses, is quite sucessful and well off and has 2 adult sons. MIL divorced husband #3 for this guy...who is still with his wife...still wears the wedding ring and all. MIL is dumb enough to think he is going to leave his wife...but this man stands to lose everything in doing so. She is keeping tight lipped about their relationship at his request and because he is waiting for the "right time." .........Yeah, right!
Now guess how I know all this??? Not from her..NO!...Not from my brother in law or husband...NO!...from my daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was ragging with so much anger when this was conveyed to me I was actually shaking when I picked up the phone. I knew she was seeing someone and I knew he was married but she is a grown women and I didn't want to get involved...unless it involved my child. I've told her on numerous occassions I don't want my daughter around people I don't know. I also told her I knew she was seeing a married man and while I'm not going to tell her what to do, I would not have it around my child. Guess what else I found out? He was been to MIL's house at least twice when SL was there and SL has been to his business and meant him several times!!!!!!!!!!!!
I called her and told her in no uncertain terms that first of all my daughter was not to be around anyone I didn't know. Secondly my daughter is her granddaughter not her girlfriend, and thirdly my daughter is not to be exposed to this kind of behavior. I proceed to tell her if she did not comply with my wishes she would no longer be watching my daughter...to this she said fine and hung up. If I could ever actually crawl thru a phone and strangle someone this had to be the moment. But you know what??? This is okay...I really didn't want SL to be with her.
Now this happen Friday a week ago and I haven't heard a word from MIL in over a week...until Sunday night. Sunday night when the phone rang and on the caller ID I saw her number...I almost didn't answer...but my curiousity got the best of me. And in her bubbly, like nothing happened voice I hear........." Hi M! I was wondering if I could take SL out to dinner tonight?"
To this I replied did we not just have a conversation about this a week ago and if I couldn't trust her...I couldn't trust her. That means no out to eat, no walks thru the mall, no Saturday afternoons at the pool unless myself or S was present. Throught the whole thing she just keeps yelling over me....over and over again..."Alright M, Alright M!"
This time I hung up.
I mean come on? Am I being unreasonable? She is my daughter. And you know what??? Who cares if I'm being unreasonable! It's my call! It's my kid! If I said she has to have pickles for breakfast and wear purple pants everyday than so be it.
I actually looked the guy's address up online. He was quite easy to find. I typed up a letter and addressed it to the Mrs. Man my MIL is have an affair with. I really wanted to send it. I really want this women to know. Isn't it only fair that she does? Wouldn't you want to know? But you know what? I didn't! I shredded the letter...I don't know..Would that qualify in the bad karma category? I don't need any bad karma. Or would not sending the letter be bad karma? God I don't know!!
She is not the best judge of character...nor the best of judge of men.
When she first offered to watch SL (my DD) when I was pregnant, I actually wanted to put SL in daycare. After I had SL and watch the two of them together and how she loved her I thought what harm can come of MIL watching SL. She loved her with all her heart. She didn't do everything exactly as I wished and at times she was exhausting...but for the most part it was trivial things that I could overlook. Now fast forward 9 yrs....
My daughter is almost 10 yrs old and is by far the favorite grandchild on my husband's side. It's actually somewhat embarressing. Thank god this favoritism is shown to my child...because if I was my brother in law I would be furious with my mother. My child is the apple of her grandmother's eye but it comes with it's drawl backs...most of which stem from my mother in law's lack of self worth. The sun rises and sets on this girl...and I think it's a lot of pressure for her. Over the last few years I've tried to limit the enormous amount of time the two of them spent together because not only was it a lot of pressure for my daughter but because my MIL was starting to treat my daughter move like a friend than a grandchild.
Now to the men part... She has been married and divorced 3xs, with countless men in between. She definds her self by the company she keeps. God forbid if she was alone for a moment. She recently divorced number 3 for a married man. A man that has been married for 30+ years, owns several businesses, is quite sucessful and well off and has 2 adult sons. MIL divorced husband #3 for this guy...who is still with his wife...still wears the wedding ring and all. MIL is dumb enough to think he is going to leave his wife...but this man stands to lose everything in doing so. She is keeping tight lipped about their relationship at his request and because he is waiting for the "right time." .........Yeah, right!
Now guess how I know all this??? Not from her..NO!...Not from my brother in law or husband...NO!...from my daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was ragging with so much anger when this was conveyed to me I was actually shaking when I picked up the phone. I knew she was seeing someone and I knew he was married but she is a grown women and I didn't want to get involved...unless it involved my child. I've told her on numerous occassions I don't want my daughter around people I don't know. I also told her I knew she was seeing a married man and while I'm not going to tell her what to do, I would not have it around my child. Guess what else I found out? He was been to MIL's house at least twice when SL was there and SL has been to his business and meant him several times!!!!!!!!!!!!
I called her and told her in no uncertain terms that first of all my daughter was not to be around anyone I didn't know. Secondly my daughter is her granddaughter not her girlfriend, and thirdly my daughter is not to be exposed to this kind of behavior. I proceed to tell her if she did not comply with my wishes she would no longer be watching my daughter...to this she said fine and hung up. If I could ever actually crawl thru a phone and strangle someone this had to be the moment. But you know what??? This is okay...I really didn't want SL to be with her.
Now this happen Friday a week ago and I haven't heard a word from MIL in over a week...until Sunday night. Sunday night when the phone rang and on the caller ID I saw her number...I almost didn't answer...but my curiousity got the best of me. And in her bubbly, like nothing happened voice I hear........." Hi M! I was wondering if I could take SL out to dinner tonight?"
To this I replied did we not just have a conversation about this a week ago and if I couldn't trust her...I couldn't trust her. That means no out to eat, no walks thru the mall, no Saturday afternoons at the pool unless myself or S was present. Throught the whole thing she just keeps yelling over me....over and over again..."Alright M, Alright M!"
This time I hung up.
I mean come on? Am I being unreasonable? She is my daughter. And you know what??? Who cares if I'm being unreasonable! It's my call! It's my kid! If I said she has to have pickles for breakfast and wear purple pants everyday than so be it.
I actually looked the guy's address up online. He was quite easy to find. I typed up a letter and addressed it to the Mrs. Man my MIL is have an affair with. I really wanted to send it. I really want this women to know. Isn't it only fair that she does? Wouldn't you want to know? But you know what? I didn't! I shredded the letter...I don't know..Would that qualify in the bad karma category? I don't need any bad karma. Or would not sending the letter be bad karma? God I don't know!!
Friday, September 08, 2006
News and updates! LID!!!
Today we finally got word that we have a LID of 8/17/06!! Yeah! Now we get to wait oh...what is it now?? 13 mos and maybe upwards of 2 yrs to have a baby. Not like I haven't waited long enough!
As of now, the thought of the wait doesn't bother me too much. Kind of weird huh? I guess it is because I know there is an end in sight...at the end of this long journey I'll have another baby girl. It excites me and terrifies me all at the same time.
As I was sitting outside this evening with some of my neighbors and the kids...I was thanking god my daughter is almost 10 and I don't have to be running around after screaming kids...kids crying because this one is riding the pink bike, or because they didn't catch the ball the same number of times as that one...I didn't have to yell..."NO STREET!" Or "Don't push her down on the sidewalk." I just sat there...loving it all.
Wow! Life is easy and I'm giving it up. Strange huh? Plus at this point and time I want to KILL ....yes KILL my husband..but I'm okay being a single parent with two kids! But that is a story for another day!
By the way.......I've actually attempted to post two or three different times over the past week and each one has been eaten up in cyper space...had a great one last Friday about my darling mother in law...she has been officially fired as a babysitter and will no longer spend alone time with my daughter but that will be yet another story for another day. I'm tired. Time to veg in front of the TV!
As of now, the thought of the wait doesn't bother me too much. Kind of weird huh? I guess it is because I know there is an end in sight...at the end of this long journey I'll have another baby girl. It excites me and terrifies me all at the same time.
As I was sitting outside this evening with some of my neighbors and the kids...I was thanking god my daughter is almost 10 and I don't have to be running around after screaming kids...kids crying because this one is riding the pink bike, or because they didn't catch the ball the same number of times as that one...I didn't have to yell..."NO STREET!" Or "Don't push her down on the sidewalk." I just sat there...loving it all.
Wow! Life is easy and I'm giving it up. Strange huh? Plus at this point and time I want to KILL ....yes KILL my husband..but I'm okay being a single parent with two kids! But that is a story for another day!
By the way.......I've actually attempted to post two or three different times over the past week and each one has been eaten up in cyper space...had a great one last Friday about my darling mother in law...she has been officially fired as a babysitter and will no longer spend alone time with my daughter but that will be yet another story for another day. I'm tired. Time to veg in front of the TV!
Saturday, August 26, 2006
It's now confirmed......
I am old. DD had a soccer tournament today...continuing into tomorrow. First of all it was PAINFUL to watch. They did horrible. Trully horrible. I can't believe it was our girls out there...but that is another story. I did nothing but stand on the side lines and watch and I'm exhausted..feet and back hurt, I could go to bed a sleep right now. Oh..and I'm hoarse from screaming...because that is what I do best...side line coach! But DD is at a sleep-over..she is partying after playing 5 games..I have toothpicks holding open my eyes...and she is partying. I have to stay up till at least 9:30..because since the tournament is tomorrow too she can't sleep over and I have to go pick her up early. Bed is calling my name but I have 3 more hours...I'm old!
Thursday, August 24, 2006
I must be getting old
Really, I am. What else could explain the resistance to the time change?? I could go to bed right now. I've been back to work for two days and have offically gotten nothing done...really, nothing...zip, nada, nothing. I've unpacked one suitcase...the other is still sitting in my room. I haven't cooked dinner since I've been home. Haven't down loaded a picture or given a gift I bought. S and DD are out right now...and you know what I had for dinner? Wine, pretzel chips and cheese...how sad is that? And a piece or two of Moose Munch. Seriously..if you haven't had it...you don't know what you are missing.
Since I've been home I've had pizza, a cheese steak, hoagie and Mexican. Why? Because the food sucks in England. They serve fries with everything..and you know what?? The fries aren't good! If you serve that many fries...you would think you would have it down to a science!
God I need to stop complaining! I need to go to bed...I need to stay up...help! I'm a baby...need to sleep!
Since I've been home I've had pizza, a cheese steak, hoagie and Mexican. Why? Because the food sucks in England. They serve fries with everything..and you know what?? The fries aren't good! If you serve that many fries...you would think you would have it down to a science!
God I need to stop complaining! I need to go to bed...I need to stay up...help! I'm a baby...need to sleep!
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
I'm back!
Wow! What a trip. It was good. It was so good to see my sister and her family. My little nephews are too cute...especially the little one. The older one...well some times I could have strangled him, but what can you expect with a 4 yr old! I could have also strangled my DD a few times too...
I'm tired. My clock says 7:00pm but I could easily go right upstairs and go to sleep right now. I've adjusted to the 5 hr time difference too well. To me it feels to be about 10:00.
I have so much to write about but no energy at the moment. We saw a lot considering we had 3 kids in tow. I would have loved to get to Ireland but overnighters were just too difficult for them. I understand and I got to see things I'm sure I never would have seen otherwise. And I got to spend time with my sister!!
I did get caught up in all that terrorist stuff coming and going to the airport...especially the landing in Heathrow...we didn't know what was going on. We were held on the tarmac for over an hour. Pilot tolds us nothing. It wasn't till I gathered my bags and met my sister did I get any idea as to what was going on. My husband was panicked...which he tends to do anyway...this just validated it!
My sister had a heck of a time getting to the airport to get us. They were making everyone leave and cancelling most of the flights that day. I think we were lucky to get in when we did. By the time we left this Monday things were better but it still took a good 3 hrs to get thru the airport. Luckily I gave myself 4 hrs or I'm sure I would have been stressed, worrying about missin my flight.
I think the pups were the happiest to see me even though S would swear he was. They say dogs don't remember. The are creatures of the present. But 2 of them were so excited to see me that they actually wet themselves. And to think I was actually touched by this...as I write it now it just sounds gross!
I hoped by the time I got home I would have a LID date...still nothing. From I've been told we are probably logged in...just my agency hasn't gotten the info as of yet.
All I can say is if the flight to China is 20 plus hours I'm going to kill myself. 8 hrs on a plane was bad enough. I'm sure I'll be divorced by the end of that flight!
More later...but for now I have a date with a pillow!
I'm tired. My clock says 7:00pm but I could easily go right upstairs and go to sleep right now. I've adjusted to the 5 hr time difference too well. To me it feels to be about 10:00.
I have so much to write about but no energy at the moment. We saw a lot considering we had 3 kids in tow. I would have loved to get to Ireland but overnighters were just too difficult for them. I understand and I got to see things I'm sure I never would have seen otherwise. And I got to spend time with my sister!!
I did get caught up in all that terrorist stuff coming and going to the airport...especially the landing in Heathrow...we didn't know what was going on. We were held on the tarmac for over an hour. Pilot tolds us nothing. It wasn't till I gathered my bags and met my sister did I get any idea as to what was going on. My husband was panicked...which he tends to do anyway...this just validated it!
My sister had a heck of a time getting to the airport to get us. They were making everyone leave and cancelling most of the flights that day. I think we were lucky to get in when we did. By the time we left this Monday things were better but it still took a good 3 hrs to get thru the airport. Luckily I gave myself 4 hrs or I'm sure I would have been stressed, worrying about missin my flight.
I think the pups were the happiest to see me even though S would swear he was. They say dogs don't remember. The are creatures of the present. But 2 of them were so excited to see me that they actually wet themselves. And to think I was actually touched by this...as I write it now it just sounds gross!
I hoped by the time I got home I would have a LID date...still nothing. From I've been told we are probably logged in...just my agency hasn't gotten the info as of yet.
All I can say is if the flight to China is 20 plus hours I'm going to kill myself. 8 hrs on a plane was bad enough. I'm sure I'll be divorced by the end of that flight!
More later...but for now I have a date with a pillow!
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
I'm outta here!
This is it..I'm out of here. Won't be posting, emailing or blogging till 8/22/06...Wow! Almost 2 wks! Of course, while I'm gone, I'm sure two very important things will happen....one..I'll get my LID! Yeah! And two...DD will get her room assignment for school. She is less than pleased that she won't be able to call her friends to find out who is in whose class. I guess she will survive.
She had a bit of an emotional break down last night. She is nervous, going to miss dad, the dogs etc.... Darling dad also made illusion to flying over the vast Atlantic Ocean. Sometimes he really is an idiot. I was charging up the video camera and pointing at DD's direction and asked her is she was excited about going...as I zoomed in she says, and I quote..."Mommy, what if she crash? Will we die?"
Of course we would die..but I didn't say that. I told her not to worry about things that won't happen and of course we couldn't change anyway...gee thanks S!
Also took a Xanax the doctor gave me for the flight (doctor is a friend)...just to see what it would do to me, I didn't want to be wondering around the international terminal at PHL with DD in tow all high not knowing how I would be effected...trial run! ...guess what it did!??! Not a damn thing. Of course it is the lowest dosage but geez...maybe I need to be on a permanent supply of Xanax. I called said friend...who laughed and said she figured it wouldn't as I can be a bit of an anxious person...her advice you ask? Take two! And drink a glass of wine!
Obviously my sister has internet connection. But I doubt I'll be using it beyond checking emails here and there. So I'm off...have fun everyone! I will!!
She had a bit of an emotional break down last night. She is nervous, going to miss dad, the dogs etc.... Darling dad also made illusion to flying over the vast Atlantic Ocean. Sometimes he really is an idiot. I was charging up the video camera and pointing at DD's direction and asked her is she was excited about going...as I zoomed in she says, and I quote..."Mommy, what if she crash? Will we die?"
Of course we would die..but I didn't say that. I told her not to worry about things that won't happen and of course we couldn't change anyway...gee thanks S!
Also took a Xanax the doctor gave me for the flight (doctor is a friend)...just to see what it would do to me, I didn't want to be wondering around the international terminal at PHL with DD in tow all high not knowing how I would be effected...trial run! ...guess what it did!??! Not a damn thing. Of course it is the lowest dosage but geez...maybe I need to be on a permanent supply of Xanax. I called said friend...who laughed and said she figured it wouldn't as I can be a bit of an anxious person...her advice you ask? Take two! And drink a glass of wine!
Obviously my sister has internet connection. But I doubt I'll be using it beyond checking emails here and there. So I'm off...have fun everyone! I will!!
Monday, August 07, 2006
Bush lied!
Hopefully that isn't news to you...if it is, please close this blog and walk away...you are not welcomed here. Awesome comic by Doonesbury. It's so sad to think people actually voted for the jack ass....I still cuss at every car I see with Ohio plates (sorry if I cussed at you and you voted for Kerry, I should not make asumptions...but in my mind Ohio cost Kerry the election), Even bigger idiots here in the US think Iraq had WMD.... Wake up America!! We have bombed the crap out of Iraq and we still haven't found any WMD.
God I try to stay blissfully ignorant of all this crap...it's way too depressing to follow the world news anymore...or the local news for that matter...Philadelphia's murder rate is out of control. But this is not a political blog...but it is my blog to express my opinions as I feel fit. CONSERATIVE BUSH LOVERS STAY OUT!!
Hee Hee...I just read the last line again...and it sounds like porn!!!!
God I try to stay blissfully ignorant of all this crap...it's way too depressing to follow the world news anymore...or the local news for that matter...Philadelphia's murder rate is out of control. But this is not a political blog...but it is my blog to express my opinions as I feel fit. CONSERATIVE BUSH LOVERS STAY OUT!!
Hee Hee...I just read the last line again...and it sounds like porn!!!!
Saturday, August 05, 2006
WOW! I'm going to England!
I think it has finally sunk in! I'm going to England with my daughter to visit my sister and her family...I leave Wednesday night! I'm so excited!! I haven't seen my sister or my nephews since Christmas. The littlest one was only 3 mos at the time. I'm sure he has changed so much.
My sister and I are 6 yrs apart. When she was just a baby..I thought she was the coolest thing...a real live baby doll. But at about the age of 2 she just annoyed the crap out of me. I don't think I really started to appreciate her again till she was about 16 and I was 22. I remember teaching her to drive stick...giving advice about boys, schools and friends.
I'm told by my younger siblings that I tend to be too mothering...I try to hold back on that instinct now.... that I'm aware of it...but it's difficult. I guess it is part of my personality...part of what I had to do because my parents insisted I care for my siblings too. So bro & sis don't just blame me...it's Mom & Dad's fault too!
I think back now and I cringe. I remember being left at 9 yrs of age to watch both my brother and sister. I look at my daughter who is 9 and can't imagine giving her that kind of responsibility. I'm proud right now because she actually asked to vacuum her room this morning and she managed not to suck anything up into the vacuum! I guess times are different, but I also think my parents were a bit crazy!
So I'm off to pack for my trip to England. I can't believe it's happening. I have to get so much done in the next 4 days. Shopping so S. doesn't starve...hope he remembers to feed the dogs...hope he remembers to give the medication to the old girl! I'm sure the vacuum won't be run or the floor won't be swept the entire time I'm gone! The dog hair! Yikes!
So I guess I better get moving and stop blogging!!
My sister and I are 6 yrs apart. When she was just a baby..I thought she was the coolest thing...a real live baby doll. But at about the age of 2 she just annoyed the crap out of me. I don't think I really started to appreciate her again till she was about 16 and I was 22. I remember teaching her to drive stick...giving advice about boys, schools and friends.
I'm told by my younger siblings that I tend to be too mothering...I try to hold back on that instinct now.... that I'm aware of it...but it's difficult. I guess it is part of my personality...part of what I had to do because my parents insisted I care for my siblings too. So bro & sis don't just blame me...it's Mom & Dad's fault too!
I think back now and I cringe. I remember being left at 9 yrs of age to watch both my brother and sister. I look at my daughter who is 9 and can't imagine giving her that kind of responsibility. I'm proud right now because she actually asked to vacuum her room this morning and she managed not to suck anything up into the vacuum! I guess times are different, but I also think my parents were a bit crazy!
So I'm off to pack for my trip to England. I can't believe it's happening. I have to get so much done in the next 4 days. Shopping so S. doesn't starve...hope he remembers to feed the dogs...hope he remembers to give the medication to the old girl! I'm sure the vacuum won't be run or the floor won't be swept the entire time I'm gone! The dog hair! Yikes!
So I guess I better get moving and stop blogging!!
Friday, August 04, 2006
This makes me sick!
It makes me so sad and so sick...there are various reports about thousands if not millions of dogs being killed in China because of a rabies outbreak. They are even killing the dogs that received the immunizations...in case the injections don't work! Only police and military dogs were spared. They beat most of the dogs to death..many in front of their owners... And then are paid the equivalent of $.62!!!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/5244304.stm
I just can't believe this stuff goes on.
It really leads me to think things I rather not. I don't want to make assumption about the lack of regard for life...animal..dog...human...girl. But god this just isn't right. I can't even imagine. It makes me want to throw up and cry at the same time. I think I'll go home and hug my daughter and my dogs extra hard tonight!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/5244304.stm
I just can't believe this stuff goes on.
It really leads me to think things I rather not. I don't want to make assumption about the lack of regard for life...animal..dog...human...girl. But god this just isn't right. I can't even imagine. It makes me want to throw up and cry at the same time. I think I'll go home and hug my daughter and my dogs extra hard tonight!
Weekend to do list
My weekend to do list.......
FRIDAY
1. Pick DD up from friends after work
2. Rush home and get changed for UK Elite Soccer Camp
3. Sit at camp from 5-8:30 in the 100 degree heat
4. Cook dinner and be sure DD takes a shower
5. At some point take dogs out and feed them
6. Crash in bed!
SATURDAY
1. Go to store and attempt to purchase items needed for trip
2. Pack
3. Clean house, do laundry, errands, wash dogs
4. Go to grocery store so S. has food for the week
5. Take DD to a party at 4:00
6. 8:00 go to DD's friends house to help her mom and my friend K. with 10 screaming 9 yr olds...do hair wraps for the girls...hopefully have a few glasses of wine!
SUNDAY
Not yet determined...but I'm sure it will consist of doing all the things that I didn't get accomplished on Saturday. The one sure thing...pick DD up from sleep over!
FRIDAY
1. Pick DD up from friends after work
2. Rush home and get changed for UK Elite Soccer Camp
3. Sit at camp from 5-8:30 in the 100 degree heat
4. Cook dinner and be sure DD takes a shower
5. At some point take dogs out and feed them
6. Crash in bed!
SATURDAY
1. Go to store and attempt to purchase items needed for trip
2. Pack
3. Clean house, do laundry, errands, wash dogs
4. Go to grocery store so S. has food for the week
5. Take DD to a party at 4:00
6. 8:00 go to DD's friends house to help her mom and my friend K. with 10 screaming 9 yr olds...do hair wraps for the girls...hopefully have a few glasses of wine!
SUNDAY
Not yet determined...but I'm sure it will consist of doing all the things that I didn't get accomplished on Saturday. The one sure thing...pick DD up from sleep over!
It's Friday!! The end of a crazy week!
Yeah! It's Friday!! Been a very long week. Between the unbearable heat and having to sit on a soccer field each night from 5-8:30...I'm beat. I've gotten absolutely nothing done..zip..zero.. for my upcoming vacation. DD and I leave for Britain on Wednesday night to visit my sister and her family for 2 weeks!! I miss my sister! I can't wait! Oh and my cute little nephews!! Did I tell you?? My sister also called me about adopting a little boy from India?? I haven't gotten all the details...probably won't till I arrive but my curiosity is definitely peaked!
I've never been to the UK so I'm looking forward to touring. Of course DD got a lot of mileage out of it this week. She had soccer camp all week with the UK Elite Soccer trainers...and guess what?? Most of them are British. She told everyone that would listen that she was going to visit her aunt "outside of Oxford." It did get her a bunch of extra attention (and about 5 extra free soccer balls). Girl knows how to work it. I'm proud!
The dogs are settling in. It isn't too bad having three dogs. Of course the one is 6xs bigger than the other two. It does make quite a difference. And god...I forgot how big of a mess a boxer can be! I feel like I'm running a doggie day care.
MIL is still crazy and driving me nutts. I guess this job that is destroying my schedule isn't permanent...maybe she could have explained that to me before I blew a gasket??? But again...she was dropped on her head so what should I expect? My friends did cover me this week...and to all of them a big thank you!!! Next week she will be with MIL for most of the time before we leave for London Wednesday night, and then about 2 days at the end of August till school starts again. This won't happen next year....DD is going to camp and I'm definitely limiting the amount of time DD spends with this nutt.
I guess I should get some work down before heading out this weekend. Oh and the big news...you would have thought this would have needed it's own post..but I'm trying not to get overly excited because I know it is going to be a long haul....I was DTC on 8/1/06!!!!! Now to the real waiting!!!!!
I've never been to the UK so I'm looking forward to touring. Of course DD got a lot of mileage out of it this week. She had soccer camp all week with the UK Elite Soccer trainers...and guess what?? Most of them are British. She told everyone that would listen that she was going to visit her aunt "outside of Oxford." It did get her a bunch of extra attention (and about 5 extra free soccer balls). Girl knows how to work it. I'm proud!
The dogs are settling in. It isn't too bad having three dogs. Of course the one is 6xs bigger than the other two. It does make quite a difference. And god...I forgot how big of a mess a boxer can be! I feel like I'm running a doggie day care.
MIL is still crazy and driving me nutts. I guess this job that is destroying my schedule isn't permanent...maybe she could have explained that to me before I blew a gasket??? But again...she was dropped on her head so what should I expect? My friends did cover me this week...and to all of them a big thank you!!! Next week she will be with MIL for most of the time before we leave for London Wednesday night, and then about 2 days at the end of August till school starts again. This won't happen next year....DD is going to camp and I'm definitely limiting the amount of time DD spends with this nutt.
I guess I should get some work down before heading out this weekend. Oh and the big news...you would have thought this would have needed it's own post..but I'm trying not to get overly excited because I know it is going to be a long haul....I was DTC on 8/1/06!!!!! Now to the real waiting!!!!!
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Red Thread Crap!
Fo those of you new to the China Adoption experience...there is a Chinese proverb...that is posted right at the top of 95% of the blogs...It's the "I'm adopting from China and here is my theme song.... "
"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break."
While the sentiment is nice...it's really not about adoption but about lovers...but of course annoying AP have taken this as their anthem.
Does anyone else find this annoying?? I'm really not a sentimental, gushy kind of person. I'm not an AP shrieking in delight when I see a ladybug. Seriously...get your own saying!! I've found one blog were someone feels the same way as I do! Thank god for Clueless in Carolina!
"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break."
While the sentiment is nice...it's really not about adoption but about lovers...but of course annoying AP have taken this as their anthem.
Does anyone else find this annoying?? I'm really not a sentimental, gushy kind of person. I'm not an AP shrieking in delight when I see a ladybug. Seriously...get your own saying!! I've found one blog were someone feels the same way as I do! Thank god for Clueless in Carolina!
Monday, July 31, 2006
I seem to complain too much!
I'm back complaining again. Rarely do I blog when I have something positive to say.
My MIL has been married and divorced 3 times. She is currently carrying on with a married man. I am lucky enough that I have only witnessed the last marriage and affair. My husband...god I don't know how he has done it..or how he or his brother are as normal as they are....has had it with her. He is "done" as he says. Seriously the women had to be dropped on her head as a child.
I really think she married number 3 because both of her sons were getting married. She felt left out. When she married number 3 we were all very confused as to why. Her reason??? Not because she loved him..but because at the age of 50, he had never been married, lived at home his whole life and his mother wanted to see him get married before she died. WTF!?!?! To me that would be a HUGE red flag...WARNING...unmarried, 50 yr old, lives at home with mohter...WARNING...RUN! RUN AWAY! Seriously this women treats relationships like I treat shoes...actually I think I get more wear out of my shoes.
She married S's dad when she was young...typical story. Bad boy from the other side of the tracks knocks girl up because family didn't approve of the relationship and they thought it was the only way to be together. Fast forward 10 yrs it's an abusive, drunk fest with a revolving door of affairs....for both of them. Divorce happens...MIL's family...who is a wealthy Mainline family is very happy. Now maybe she can "marry up." Mind you MIL has no money...the only one in the family that doesn't. No education and very few brain cells....hence the dropped on the head statement above. But the fortunate thing for her is that she is a very attractive women. And a ditz...is that even a word?? I tell her she is a true blond and she giggles...like it's a compliment.
Fast forward....S's mom meets new man with money...but not the kind of money the family wants...not old money but money from quick stocks trades...but hey it's money so they are a bit more accepting. She quickly marries and lives a "good" life. Multiple homes, multiple cars etc.... Fast forward yet again. Boredom sets in...she leaves...for what reason?? No one really knows...this is when I enter the picture. I meet husband number 3....fat, lazy, poor, unattractive (lives at home with mother!!)..doesn't fit with the others. As I said above...she has now kicked him to the curb too. Onto #4...But this guy is married, 2 adult sons...architect...owns his own firm....MIL thinks he is going to leave his wife that he has been married to for 30 yrs for her. Multiple homes, rich, race cars....he has too much too lose...she is too stupid to see it. This is such a case of...as my father has said...and I can't even believe I am saying this..."Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"
I'm now cringing with embarrassment over this statement...but god it's so true and she just doesn't see it!!!!!
Now this has added to the drama in my life because she thinks my nine year old daughter is her friend as opposed to her granddaughter. She also takes a new job working 3-11 so she can have her days free to spend with this married man. See...if wifey thinks he is at work...he can visit her at her new town house. I find out...well today. Now I'm scrambling for childcare for my DD...lovely mother in law thinks it's okay for her to spend time with the two of them!!!!!!!!!!! Or alone in the house for the two hours till I get home from work. Seriously I think I hate the women. I know it's probably not a bad thing this has happened. I've often thought my daughter should not be spending much time with this women. But god...3 days notice...in the summer! What am I to do!!!!???
I'm so glad we have decided when our new daughter gets home from China that we will do daycare......I can't subject any child to this!!!!!!!!! I can't believe I've subjected DD to this. I guess I didn't, until recently think it was this bad. Someone needs to smack her!
My MIL has been married and divorced 3 times. She is currently carrying on with a married man. I am lucky enough that I have only witnessed the last marriage and affair. My husband...god I don't know how he has done it..or how he or his brother are as normal as they are....has had it with her. He is "done" as he says. Seriously the women had to be dropped on her head as a child.
I really think she married number 3 because both of her sons were getting married. She felt left out. When she married number 3 we were all very confused as to why. Her reason??? Not because she loved him..but because at the age of 50, he had never been married, lived at home his whole life and his mother wanted to see him get married before she died. WTF!?!?! To me that would be a HUGE red flag...WARNING...unmarried, 50 yr old, lives at home with mohter...WARNING...RUN! RUN AWAY! Seriously this women treats relationships like I treat shoes...actually I think I get more wear out of my shoes.
She married S's dad when she was young...typical story. Bad boy from the other side of the tracks knocks girl up because family didn't approve of the relationship and they thought it was the only way to be together. Fast forward 10 yrs it's an abusive, drunk fest with a revolving door of affairs....for both of them. Divorce happens...MIL's family...who is a wealthy Mainline family is very happy. Now maybe she can "marry up." Mind you MIL has no money...the only one in the family that doesn't. No education and very few brain cells....hence the dropped on the head statement above. But the fortunate thing for her is that she is a very attractive women. And a ditz...is that even a word?? I tell her she is a true blond and she giggles...like it's a compliment.
Fast forward....S's mom meets new man with money...but not the kind of money the family wants...not old money but money from quick stocks trades...but hey it's money so they are a bit more accepting. She quickly marries and lives a "good" life. Multiple homes, multiple cars etc.... Fast forward yet again. Boredom sets in...she leaves...for what reason?? No one really knows...this is when I enter the picture. I meet husband number 3....fat, lazy, poor, unattractive (lives at home with mother!!)..doesn't fit with the others. As I said above...she has now kicked him to the curb too. Onto #4...But this guy is married, 2 adult sons...architect...owns his own firm....MIL thinks he is going to leave his wife that he has been married to for 30 yrs for her. Multiple homes, rich, race cars....he has too much too lose...she is too stupid to see it. This is such a case of...as my father has said...and I can't even believe I am saying this..."Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"
I'm now cringing with embarrassment over this statement...but god it's so true and she just doesn't see it!!!!!
Now this has added to the drama in my life because she thinks my nine year old daughter is her friend as opposed to her granddaughter. She also takes a new job working 3-11 so she can have her days free to spend with this married man. See...if wifey thinks he is at work...he can visit her at her new town house. I find out...well today. Now I'm scrambling for childcare for my DD...lovely mother in law thinks it's okay for her to spend time with the two of them!!!!!!!!!!! Or alone in the house for the two hours till I get home from work. Seriously I think I hate the women. I know it's probably not a bad thing this has happened. I've often thought my daughter should not be spending much time with this women. But god...3 days notice...in the summer! What am I to do!!!!???
I'm so glad we have decided when our new daughter gets home from China that we will do daycare......I can't subject any child to this!!!!!!!!! I can't believe I've subjected DD to this. I guess I didn't, until recently think it was this bad. Someone needs to smack her!
Friday, July 28, 2006
I love dogs!
I love dogs...really I do. I have two shih tzus...one I purchased as a puppy from a reputable breeder (Lily), the next from a rescue group (Maggie). I've always had dogs, they were always rescued and they were always large! So getting Lily was a shock..and there was a lot of guilt involved. My DD was 7 when we got Lily and unfortunately many rescue groups won't even consider you if you have a child of that age....at least with small dogs...yes you can get a Pitt Bull but no small dogs for you! And I get it on some level. There are many of DD's friends I could kill...get your grimy little hands off my dog...she is a dog not a doll! Maggie would bite them if they pulled that crap with her. But DD wasn't your normal 7 yr old..she was great with dogs. She was a cautious, careful child that had been around dogs of all sizes since birth. She was a dog girl!
The guilt that surround Lily didn't only involve her purchase. You see we had two dogs...a boxer (Mattie) and a lab (Sandy), both rescued. We had to briefly stay with my MIL when we were having our house built. We brought both dogs with us to stay at her house for our 5 months of hell. Well they were older at the time, Mattie was 10, Sandy was 8. While staying at MIL's house, Sandy went blind...but we never noticed. When we moved to our new home and had enough grass so the dogs wouldn't trash the entire house we brought our dogs to our new home. Only to have Sandy...who was always the brightest, most well behaved, easy going dog, pee all over the house and walk into walls...suddenly we realized she was blind. When it happened, we didn't know...but she was confused. Thankfully MIL wanted to bring the dogs back to her house and she did. A little over a year later, Sandy had to be put to sleep. DD held her in her arms as she passed away. It was one of the most difficult things I ever had to do in my entire life. I still get teary eyed when I think about it.
So we decided to bring Mattie back to live with us... which did for about a month. Then we went on vacation and MIL dog sat as she always did. When we returned she wouldn't give us Mattie back. She stated that the month that Mattie was gone, her dog had an episode of depression. He went from being one of 3 dogs...to the only dog in the house. She claimed she was home most of the day and could look out for our old dog. So we let her stay...and she encouraged us to get another dog of our own. So finally we did.
After a lot of research we decide on a shih tzu. A far cry for the larger dogs of the past. After several month of trying to get a dog from a rescue group and being passed over time and time again I started to research breeders. I found one I felt comfortable with in Hazelton, Pa. She had great references and she had 2 dogs that couldn't be placed as show dogs. One had an eye injury the other was partially deaf. We decided on the deaf one! I don't want to minimize my love for any dog I've owned...but Lily was the love of my doggie life! She is a sweetheart! Shortly there after I decided we need another....I always liked dogs in pairs...and I think they enjoy the company too! It was almost 10 months to the day when I saw the add for Maggie on Petfinder. DD had turned the magical age of 8 (It is the magic year for some rescue groups) and we drove to Harrisburg to get Maggie. Maggie was a difficult dog at first, and that is a story all it's own. She was full of fear, anxiety and aggression...but that has disappeared (for the most part) over that past year. Now she is a little sweetheart too!
Well now MIL is divorcing her 3rd husband (that story for another day!) and we have to take Mattie back...which I don't mind after all she is our dog. But had I known...maybe I would have thought a little harder about adding that second dog. Of course I love them all and would never give any of them up. But god! 3 dogs!! And Mattie...she is now 13 or 14, we really don't know which and Boxers don't live this long...according to every vet I've ever seen. Boxers in double digits are rare, boxers pushing middle double digit are a miracle! Maggie and Lily aren't adjusting real well...we have had a few accidents in the house...which of course we didn't discover till they dried nicely into the carpet...and well it's just too many dogs! I've now baby gated the entire house so the dogs can only be in the kitchen and family room.
You know I feel like I've become on of "those people." Those gross people with too many pets. There are little itty bitty black hairs all over the house....part of the reason I chose shih tzus are because they don't shed. I'm vacuuming daily...wiping spit off the walls...(boxers drool...not as bad as bull dogs but they drool). I've forgotten how big of a mess Mattie can be! But don't get me wrong I love the old girl...3 dogs! Yikes!!!
It has only been a few days....god I hope it gets easier!
The guilt that surround Lily didn't only involve her purchase. You see we had two dogs...a boxer (Mattie) and a lab (Sandy), both rescued. We had to briefly stay with my MIL when we were having our house built. We brought both dogs with us to stay at her house for our 5 months of hell. Well they were older at the time, Mattie was 10, Sandy was 8. While staying at MIL's house, Sandy went blind...but we never noticed. When we moved to our new home and had enough grass so the dogs wouldn't trash the entire house we brought our dogs to our new home. Only to have Sandy...who was always the brightest, most well behaved, easy going dog, pee all over the house and walk into walls...suddenly we realized she was blind. When it happened, we didn't know...but she was confused. Thankfully MIL wanted to bring the dogs back to her house and she did. A little over a year later, Sandy had to be put to sleep. DD held her in her arms as she passed away. It was one of the most difficult things I ever had to do in my entire life. I still get teary eyed when I think about it.
So we decided to bring Mattie back to live with us... which did for about a month. Then we went on vacation and MIL dog sat as she always did. When we returned she wouldn't give us Mattie back. She stated that the month that Mattie was gone, her dog had an episode of depression. He went from being one of 3 dogs...to the only dog in the house. She claimed she was home most of the day and could look out for our old dog. So we let her stay...and she encouraged us to get another dog of our own. So finally we did.
After a lot of research we decide on a shih tzu. A far cry for the larger dogs of the past. After several month of trying to get a dog from a rescue group and being passed over time and time again I started to research breeders. I found one I felt comfortable with in Hazelton, Pa. She had great references and she had 2 dogs that couldn't be placed as show dogs. One had an eye injury the other was partially deaf. We decided on the deaf one! I don't want to minimize my love for any dog I've owned...but Lily was the love of my doggie life! She is a sweetheart! Shortly there after I decided we need another....I always liked dogs in pairs...and I think they enjoy the company too! It was almost 10 months to the day when I saw the add for Maggie on Petfinder. DD had turned the magical age of 8 (It is the magic year for some rescue groups) and we drove to Harrisburg to get Maggie. Maggie was a difficult dog at first, and that is a story all it's own. She was full of fear, anxiety and aggression...but that has disappeared (for the most part) over that past year. Now she is a little sweetheart too!
Well now MIL is divorcing her 3rd husband (that story for another day!) and we have to take Mattie back...which I don't mind after all she is our dog. But had I known...maybe I would have thought a little harder about adding that second dog. Of course I love them all and would never give any of them up. But god! 3 dogs!! And Mattie...she is now 13 or 14, we really don't know which and Boxers don't live this long...according to every vet I've ever seen. Boxers in double digits are rare, boxers pushing middle double digit are a miracle! Maggie and Lily aren't adjusting real well...we have had a few accidents in the house...which of course we didn't discover till they dried nicely into the carpet...and well it's just too many dogs! I've now baby gated the entire house so the dogs can only be in the kitchen and family room.
You know I feel like I've become on of "those people." Those gross people with too many pets. There are little itty bitty black hairs all over the house....part of the reason I chose shih tzus are because they don't shed. I'm vacuuming daily...wiping spit off the walls...(boxers drool...not as bad as bull dogs but they drool). I've forgotten how big of a mess Mattie can be! But don't get me wrong I love the old girl...3 dogs! Yikes!!!
It has only been a few days....god I hope it gets easier!
Friday, July 21, 2006
I've been tagged!
A friend of mine sent me this email...and now I've been tagged. Anyone else reading this has now been tagged as well...post it to your blog or send it to 5 of your closest friends!
How well do you know me?? For instance, did you
know...
Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Waitress
2. Bartender
3. Intake Casemanager for the Department of Welfare
4. Auditor
Four movies I would watch over & over:
1. Weird Science
2. Any of the Indiana Jones Movies
3. Breakfast Club
4. Top Gun (Even though I now hate Tom Cruise..I may have to rethink that one!)
Four T. V. shows I love to watch
1. Lost
2. Veronica Mars
3. Grey's Anatomy
4. So You Think You Can Dance? (I usually hate reality TV!)
Four places I have been on Vacation: I've actually been to way too many to list here...but here are my fav vacations memories....
1. St. Thomas
2. Cancun Mexico
3. Disney World Orlando Fl, with my daugther!
4. OBX with my friends
Four Websites I visit daily: God..there are sooo many...but here is where I spend most of my time
1. The Superficial
2. Google...hundreds of times a day!
3. Yahoo...hundreds of times a day!
4. My fav blogs listed to the right.
Four of my favorite foods:
1. Shell fish...almost any kind!
2. Ice Cream
3. Cheese
4. Tiramisu
Four of my favorite beverages:
1. Water
2. Wine
3. Starbucks coffee
4. Iced Tea
I swear I'm not an alcoholic!
Four foods I hate:
1. Root beer & cream sodas
2. Black licorice
3. Any organ meat
4. Anything cherry flavored...cherry candies, cherry pie, cherry soda...etc.. but I love actually fresh cherries.
Four places I would rather be right now:
1. At the beach
2. In bed!
3. At the mall!
4. On vacation!
Four favorite stores:
1. Nordstroms
2. Target
3. Gap
4. Marshalls/TJ Maxx
Four pets I have owned:
1. Dogs
2. Cats
3. Horse
4. Rabbit
Four places I have lived:
1. Ft. Pierce FL
2. West Chester PA
3. Millerstown PA
4. Phoenixville PA
Four things I hate:
1. Birds (I really hate birds...I love all animals BUT birds..I even like snakes!! Well I do like birds of prey..because they kill other birds!)
2. Close talkers
3. Private/personal people...what the fuck are you hiding!?!? And people who are ALWAYS RIGHT...don't have an open mind....you know annoying people!
4. Right winged conseratives....especially religious ones!
Okay...so I've exceed my four on the HATE..but really I could think of about 20 more...sad huh? I've tried to group them together a bit.
Four cars I've owned
1. Datsun 260Z
2. Ford Mustang Convertible
3. Mitsubishi Galant
4. Ford Explorer (which I love but can't afford to drive anymore!)
You've been tagged...there are a few more questions I may add later...but really...I have to go back to work now.
How well do you know me?? For instance, did you
know...
Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Waitress
2. Bartender
3. Intake Casemanager for the Department of Welfare
4. Auditor
Four movies I would watch over & over:
1. Weird Science
2. Any of the Indiana Jones Movies
3. Breakfast Club
4. Top Gun (Even though I now hate Tom Cruise..I may have to rethink that one!)
Four T. V. shows I love to watch
1. Lost
2. Veronica Mars
3. Grey's Anatomy
4. So You Think You Can Dance? (I usually hate reality TV!)
Four places I have been on Vacation: I've actually been to way too many to list here...but here are my fav vacations memories....
1. St. Thomas
2. Cancun Mexico
3. Disney World Orlando Fl, with my daugther!
4. OBX with my friends
Four Websites I visit daily: God..there are sooo many...but here is where I spend most of my time
1. The Superficial
2. Google...hundreds of times a day!
3. Yahoo...hundreds of times a day!
4. My fav blogs listed to the right.
Four of my favorite foods:
1. Shell fish...almost any kind!
2. Ice Cream
3. Cheese
4. Tiramisu
Four of my favorite beverages:
1. Water
2. Wine
3. Starbucks coffee
4. Iced Tea
I swear I'm not an alcoholic!
Four foods I hate:
1. Root beer & cream sodas
2. Black licorice
3. Any organ meat
4. Anything cherry flavored...cherry candies, cherry pie, cherry soda...etc.. but I love actually fresh cherries.
Four places I would rather be right now:
1. At the beach
2. In bed!
3. At the mall!
4. On vacation!
Four favorite stores:
1. Nordstroms
2. Target
3. Gap
4. Marshalls/TJ Maxx
Four pets I have owned:
1. Dogs
2. Cats
3. Horse
4. Rabbit
Four places I have lived:
1. Ft. Pierce FL
2. West Chester PA
3. Millerstown PA
4. Phoenixville PA
Four things I hate:
1. Birds (I really hate birds...I love all animals BUT birds..I even like snakes!! Well I do like birds of prey..because they kill other birds!)
2. Close talkers
3. Private/personal people...what the fuck are you hiding!?!? And people who are ALWAYS RIGHT...don't have an open mind....you know annoying people!
4. Right winged conseratives....especially religious ones!
Okay...so I've exceed my four on the HATE..but really I could think of about 20 more...sad huh? I've tried to group them together a bit.
Four cars I've owned
1. Datsun 260Z
2. Ford Mustang Convertible
3. Mitsubishi Galant
4. Ford Explorer (which I love but can't afford to drive anymore!)
You've been tagged...there are a few more questions I may add later...but really...I have to go back to work now.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
It's good to be back!!
We have been without power since Tuesday. I can't understand why! We had a storm Tuesday evening...it didn't strike me as the 5th worse storm in PA history..but apparently it was. I grew up in Florida. I've seen some bad storms...this didn't qualify. I called our darling electric company (PECO) to see what was up and how long the power would be out...I was told power would be restored Sunday at noon. I wanted to cry. Now I'm not a crier...but at that moment I was in shock ...what would I do without power for 5 days?? I couldn't believe it! I actually hung up the phone and called back again just to be sure I heard it right (it was the cell phone mind you because our landline wasn't working either).
I continued to call every 2 hours since I first heard that automated voice tell me my "power would be restored on Sunday at 12:00 pm." Finally last night after starting my second night with no air conditioning in 95 degree heat, I got an update...Thursday at 8:00 pm...so after 48 hours with out power...I've cranked the air down to 68 degrees...I'm wearing sweat pants and a long sleeved t-shirt...shipping wine and blogging.
Thank god for electricity!!!!!!!!!!
I continued to call every 2 hours since I first heard that automated voice tell me my "power would be restored on Sunday at 12:00 pm." Finally last night after starting my second night with no air conditioning in 95 degree heat, I got an update...Thursday at 8:00 pm...so after 48 hours with out power...I've cranked the air down to 68 degrees...I'm wearing sweat pants and a long sleeved t-shirt...shipping wine and blogging.
Thank god for electricity!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, July 17, 2006
Why "I just want a baby darn it?"
It really had nothing to do with adopting...really. It was my attitude dealing with infertility. I wanted a baby so badly that I was willing to do anything. Poke myself with needles, took drugs that made me a lunatic...more so than my normal crazy self. I was more familiar with the probe on the ultrasound machine than I ever was with any man...(maybe that's why I couldn't get pregnant!) And sex when it was time...never because I was in the mood. I just wanted a baby damn it!
So now I look at my blog title and I wonder...will people wonder is that why I'm adopting from China? I just want a baby damn it!? Don't care where she/he comes from!
That isn't necessarily true. I always wanted to adopt internationally so I'm sure eventually I would have ended up here anyway...I think my journey was just "sped up." Now I wish I would have done it sooner. My daughter will probably be 11 by the time we come home with her sister. I think it is sad...neither will ever experience that sibling rivarly...or at least I think they won't...they will be too far apart in age. I doubt I could afford to adopt again....who know what the future holds!
So now I look at my blog title and I wonder...will people wonder is that why I'm adopting from China? I just want a baby damn it!? Don't care where she/he comes from!
That isn't necessarily true. I always wanted to adopt internationally so I'm sure eventually I would have ended up here anyway...I think my journey was just "sped up." Now I wish I would have done it sooner. My daughter will probably be 11 by the time we come home with her sister. I think it is sad...neither will ever experience that sibling rivarly...or at least I think they won't...they will be too far apart in age. I doubt I could afford to adopt again....who know what the future holds!
Friday, July 14, 2006
I'm so proud!!
DD and I were eating dinner as we always do on Friday nights...in front of the TV..barely conscious at 6:30 pm and ready for bed. It's been a long, busy week. I pause on the news...KYW to be exact.... to see what the weather will be like tomorrow. I don't watch the news anymore. It's way too depressing and I try to stay blissful ignorant....haven't you ever notice how stupid & crazy people are usually the happiest people ? To the point that it just seems strange??...Why are they so fucking happy??? Well anyway...I'm trying it out....not the crazy part...just the ignorant part.
I digress....KYW is showing a piece about oil drilling in Alaska..the wildlife, the Eskimos and of course the lovely price of oil these days. And after a bite of pasta, DD looks at me, slightly turns her head and says..."George Bush sucks!" and took another bite of pasta to continue watching TV...I just smiled and thought I'M SO PROUD! THAT'S MY LITTLE GIRL!!
I digress....KYW is showing a piece about oil drilling in Alaska..the wildlife, the Eskimos and of course the lovely price of oil these days. And after a bite of pasta, DD looks at me, slightly turns her head and says..."George Bush sucks!" and took another bite of pasta to continue watching TV...I just smiled and thought I'M SO PROUD! THAT'S MY LITTLE GIRL!!
Thursday, July 13, 2006
I really hate APC
Seriously, I f-ing hate it. This morning someone on APC asked... "why do some send personal emails as opposed to sending emails to the group APC list." So I respond..."well because some folks are monitored (ME!) and it takes hours for it to appear to the group where as emails to the person are sent & recieved right away".......now it has been hours..............hours and my email still hasn't made it to the group. Others emails I've sent after the fact have made it to the list............gee...am I still being monitored since the awful message board post??/ (see below)...so in my "I've had a drink with dinner" mind set...I've sent a message to the list owner to be posted at a later date (with a response in hand) so I'm sure I'll soon be banned. I f-ing hate these holier than thou people..........really I do. But I also get good info from this group...F*CK!!!!! Really...I hate it!!!!!!!!!!!
Update: As of today...I still haven't gotten a response. Maybe that is a good thing. I'm sure the only thing I managed to do was keep myself on the monitor list permanently! Of well! And I've edited my foul mouth slighty...you know...don't want to run everyone off!
Update: As of today...I still haven't gotten a response. Maybe that is a good thing. I'm sure the only thing I managed to do was keep myself on the monitor list permanently! Of well! And I've edited my foul mouth slighty...you know...don't want to run everyone off!
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Damn it! I'm really not that tough!
As I stated in one of my original posts...I like reading blogs, not all blogs...because some well...they just suck. Most I like I consider to be damn well written..better then some books I've read this summer. But on two of the sites I like to read...which conveniently are also transracial adoptees...they have noted about being linked on other blogs. Apparently they don't like it! Some how that doesn't surprise me...you know..me be being a prospective AAP...and you know I'm sure my blog title probably offends some too....but out of fear of them password protecting them entirely...most are now password protecting some entries......I'm removing them from my favorite blog list. I'm a coward...I've caved. I no longer respect myself! You win, I lose! Now going to sulk in my corner at work!
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Yahoo adoption groups...."Adoption Disruption"
God! I both love and hate them...maybe loathe is a better word, at times. I love them, well basically because I'm nosy and I like to hear other peoples experiences...but god I hate the holier than thou attitude many folks on there have.
If you are part of the China adoption community I would have to assume you are a member of...or at least heard of APC...the yahoo group. Apparently this weekend someone posted a link to a blog where the family turned down their referral once in China...... and once they had the baby for a few days. Of course I have somewhat of a life and I wasn't on top of my emails this weekend and missed this discussion.
Being that I'm nosy... I attempted to look at the blog and it is now password protected. As I said earlier someone posted the link on APC and I'm sure that is all it took...especially with many of those god fearing, god will now damn you people on there.......let me pass on my wrath or god blesses as needed!!!!
From what I understand the comments were brutal...but as I said I missed it and was not able to read them first hand. As I was reading thru the posts on APC I was further intrigued and had to find this blog...first I googled for the cached pages...which got me a little of the blog, one page to be exact. Then I actually came upon a message board where some one had the foresight to cut and copy it! Eureka! I found it!
After reading it..I have to be honest...based on the information given on the blog...which really isn't much considering what they must of went thru (I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt here)...I couldn't really make an informed decision as the "rightness or wrongness" of their decision...of course everyone on APC seem to decide for them.
I, in my great nosiness, wanted to share this message board...because believe it or not there were many like me trying to figure out what the hell was going on...I attempt to post that if anyone is interest...email me and I will email them the message board. Well I get a message from the owner that makes me feel like I'm in 3rd grade....it states and I quote..."This reads very inappropriate. The family has password protected this site, please consider posting this on the large list?"
Excuse me??? Aren't you the folks that posted the link to the family's personal page???? I am only letting people know a copy is available on a completely unrelated website that doesn't link to anyone person specifically!!!! I mean really! Not to mention these idiots posted a blog on the internet...THE WORLD WIDE internet...HELLO..it isn't private!!!
Write a diary and keep it under your bed if you like privacy...you can get one of those nifty little heart shape locks while you are at it! Get over yourself already. Can we say hypocrite?! You posted the link to their fucking website on YOUR YAHOO group that has over 20,000 active members and suddenly I'm inappropriate!
Just so there isn't any confusion...this is what I attempted to write on APC "If anyone is interested...there are plenty of websites out there that copied the original blog.........I read thru it just a few minutes ago..anyone interested let me know and I'll give you the link that I have."
Did I post the link for all to see...no!!!!
But...now I am!!!! Here is the link to the "Adoption Disruption" thread on a message board...that is what it is now being called. Should we just call it what it is...family refused the child.....for whatever reason.
I'm trying not to judge...but god, I would have nightmares about that for years to come. It's bad enough I'm traveling half way around the world to rip a child from it's culture and heritage...which I worry about immensely...now I'm going to go over and decide...well this one really isn't good enough for me...I'd like another one...one that is cuter and seems to be more on target for her age...no "failure to thrive" as they put it.
I don't know..... how would you thrive lying in a crib all day with no one to hold you, love you, feed you when needed????...I don't know...I don't think I would be thriving, how about you? I hope to never face making a decision so profoundly earth shattering...at least I know it would shatter my world. I don't think I could live with myself... oh...they named the girl the same name...that is just in bad taste...I guess she will be forever known as Hannah 2...how to you explain that one to Hannah 2 twenty years from now...will she think she is disposable too? There is the making of one angry adult adoptee...not that they don't have enough to contend with!
Okay, off my soap box now and good night!!!
Did I tell you....DD just told me all her friends told her last night at a sleep over that there is no Santa Claus????? I'll have to save that for another day!
If you are part of the China adoption community I would have to assume you are a member of...or at least heard of APC...the yahoo group. Apparently this weekend someone posted a link to a blog where the family turned down their referral once in China...... and once they had the baby for a few days. Of course I have somewhat of a life and I wasn't on top of my emails this weekend and missed this discussion.
Being that I'm nosy... I attempted to look at the blog and it is now password protected. As I said earlier someone posted the link on APC and I'm sure that is all it took...especially with many of those god fearing, god will now damn you people on there.......let me pass on my wrath or god blesses as needed!!!!
From what I understand the comments were brutal...but as I said I missed it and was not able to read them first hand. As I was reading thru the posts on APC I was further intrigued and had to find this blog...first I googled for the cached pages...which got me a little of the blog, one page to be exact. Then I actually came upon a message board where some one had the foresight to cut and copy it! Eureka! I found it!
After reading it..I have to be honest...based on the information given on the blog...which really isn't much considering what they must of went thru (I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt here)...I couldn't really make an informed decision as the "rightness or wrongness" of their decision...of course everyone on APC seem to decide for them.
I, in my great nosiness, wanted to share this message board...because believe it or not there were many like me trying to figure out what the hell was going on...I attempt to post that if anyone is interest...email me and I will email them the message board. Well I get a message from the owner that makes me feel like I'm in 3rd grade....it states and I quote..."This reads very inappropriate. The family has password protected this site, please consider posting this on the large list?"
Excuse me??? Aren't you the folks that posted the link to the family's personal page???? I am only letting people know a copy is available on a completely unrelated website that doesn't link to anyone person specifically!!!! I mean really! Not to mention these idiots posted a blog on the internet...THE WORLD WIDE internet...HELLO..it isn't private!!!
Write a diary and keep it under your bed if you like privacy...you can get one of those nifty little heart shape locks while you are at it! Get over yourself already. Can we say hypocrite?! You posted the link to their fucking website on YOUR YAHOO group that has over 20,000 active members and suddenly I'm inappropriate!
Just so there isn't any confusion...this is what I attempted to write on APC "If anyone is interested...there are plenty of websites out there that copied the original blog.........I read thru it just a few minutes ago..anyone interested let me know and I'll give you the link that I have."
Did I post the link for all to see...no!!!!
But...now I am!!!! Here is the link to the "Adoption Disruption" thread on a message board...that is what it is now being called. Should we just call it what it is...family refused the child.....for whatever reason.
I'm trying not to judge...but god, I would have nightmares about that for years to come. It's bad enough I'm traveling half way around the world to rip a child from it's culture and heritage...which I worry about immensely...now I'm going to go over and decide...well this one really isn't good enough for me...I'd like another one...one that is cuter and seems to be more on target for her age...no "failure to thrive" as they put it.
I don't know..... how would you thrive lying in a crib all day with no one to hold you, love you, feed you when needed????...I don't know...I don't think I would be thriving, how about you? I hope to never face making a decision so profoundly earth shattering...at least I know it would shatter my world. I don't think I could live with myself... oh...they named the girl the same name...that is just in bad taste...I guess she will be forever known as Hannah 2...how to you explain that one to Hannah 2 twenty years from now...will she think she is disposable too? There is the making of one angry adult adoptee...not that they don't have enough to contend with!
Okay, off my soap box now and good night!!!
Did I tell you....DD just told me all her friends told her last night at a sleep over that there is no Santa Claus????? I'll have to save that for another day!
Friday, June 30, 2006
It's Friday!! Happy 4th of July weekend!
Yeah! It's Friday! I'm soo excited. It hasn't been that great of a week....between the head cold and the cramps I really feel like I need to spend a day in bed. Tomorrow night we have the annual D's 4th of July party...this party has grown leaps and bounds every year. This year it's expected to be so large that our friends have actually hired a band if you can imagine. This party is the type of party people talk about the entire year. Last year, S...who rarely drinks got so drunk he puked in my car! He puked on peoples feet! I had to turn the hose on him to get him out of our driveway and into the house. It is quite a story... Last year our friend B. also blew up the moon bounce with the kids in it when a firework veered out of control...you would be surprised at how quickly a moon bounce goes up in flames.
Tonight is MW's birthday...then off to bed really early..well hopefully...tomorrow is a big day! Maybe it will be my year to puke!
Tonight is MW's birthday...then off to bed really early..well hopefully...tomorrow is a big day! Maybe it will be my year to puke!
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Rain..Rain..Go AWAY!
If you guys haven't figured it out yet...I'm located in the Northeast...the lower NE. And if you see my post about USCIS....I bet you can figure out where!
About the same time my DD started with the stomaches...the rain starting falling too...and it hasn't stopped. It rain so hard for so long last night I actually laid in bed, listening to it for over 3 hrs. It was the type of rain fall that actually sounded like someone was emptying the ocean right on top of your house.
Now I don't live on the coast exactly (my state does not border the ocean...come on..figure it out!!) But I live in an area with many, many rivers and streams. So much so that most people can't get to work...of course I could...but now I'm worried about getting home. And as a government employee in a state where our asshole of a governer declared a "state of EMERGENCY." He won't release us from work...but we can use our vacation leave. Nice huh? How about a raise too? Haven't had one of those in 3 yrs either! But I digress...It's flooded. Houses are flooded, streets are flooded. The turnpike was shut down because of mud slides. People have died! I usually love rain...but this sucks....Rain, Rain, GO AWAY!
About the same time my DD started with the stomaches...the rain starting falling too...and it hasn't stopped. It rain so hard for so long last night I actually laid in bed, listening to it for over 3 hrs. It was the type of rain fall that actually sounded like someone was emptying the ocean right on top of your house.
Now I don't live on the coast exactly (my state does not border the ocean...come on..figure it out!!) But I live in an area with many, many rivers and streams. So much so that most people can't get to work...of course I could...but now I'm worried about getting home. And as a government employee in a state where our asshole of a governer declared a "state of EMERGENCY." He won't release us from work...but we can use our vacation leave. Nice huh? How about a raise too? Haven't had one of those in 3 yrs either! But I digress...It's flooded. Houses are flooded, streets are flooded. The turnpike was shut down because of mud slides. People have died! I usually love rain...but this sucks....Rain, Rain, GO AWAY!
Thursday, June 22, 2006
The things you swear you will never do when you become a parent!
You know I'm not saying my life is easy..it isn't. But I've reached that point in parenting where I don't have to be on top of DD 24/7. And you know it's nice. I can send her up to take a shower without sitting in the room sitting watching her every moment. I can have her run outside to get the mail...pick up her things, read her own books, take the dogs out etc.. life is good. This week however we had a bit of regression. DD decided that every day since this past Friday she was going to have a stomach ache and make my life hell. Friday I get a call from the MIL..come get DD she is sick. So I run out from work to pick her up...she lays on the coach for all of 40 mins and is suddenly better and outside playing with friends. Must be the heat I think...it got awfully hot the past few days.
Saturday we have a wedding to go to...YEAH! I love weddings and I've gotten to that point in my life where most of my friends are married. When I was 26-30 I swear I was going to a wedding every other week...I was broke from buying gifts. I hear weddings pick back up when you're in your 40s...second marriages. But today I have a wedding of a friend's little sister. Off to the store for a new dress, shoes and purse..and of course a gift. I'm very excited.
I'm taking DD to a sleep over at a friends. S. is meeting me at the wedding because he has to work. That means I can drink, have fun, flirt! On the way to the friends...she starts crying..my stomach hurts...oh don't start this crap!
She use to do this all the time when she was younger.....insisting she was sick when really wasn't. She had a nervous stomach. But we were past this..she hasn't done this in a year or two.
10:30 my cell rings...it's my friend D. I have to come pick up DD she is sick. Thank god S is there I don't think I couldn't have driven otherwise. Off to pick her up, my night cut short. Sunday we don't let her out of the house "she is sick".
Monday is her first day of camp...guess what?!?!? 11:30 I get a call...have to pick her up again! S is in the city..to far to go pick her up. I car pool to work so my car pool buddy agrees to cut his day short too and off we go to pick her up.
At this point I'm more than irritated but of course I wonder "what if she really is sick?" I call the doctors to make an appointment, we have one for 2:30 that day.
By 1:00 she claims to be fine, she doesn't want to go to the doctor. TOUGH! You're going! Off to the doctor who declares her perfectly fine, but does tell me this is a common occurrence in children her age....it's psychological...but they do have "real" physical symptoms they tell me. My kid? She talks about everything! How could she be bottling things up?? What's going on!!
The next morning S is talking her to camp yet again and she is crying...doesn't want to go, her stomach hurts...etc..etc.. He's late for work, I'm standing outside my building at work on my cell phone. ..begging, pleading for her to calm down.... I can't leave work again. I don't know what is going on.... I worry what is she is really sick? What if this isn't all in her head? And if it is all in her head what the heck is going on in there?? She says she likes camp....she says nothing is bothering her...I just don't know what to do! So as any good mother would do, I bribe her...I tell her if she goes to camp and manages to finish the week we can go get a pair of those blasted Heelys she wants so badly...so guess what I did this weekend?? We went and spent $65.00 on a pair sneakers for a 9 yr old. The things I swore I'd never do!!
Saturday we have a wedding to go to...YEAH! I love weddings and I've gotten to that point in my life where most of my friends are married. When I was 26-30 I swear I was going to a wedding every other week...I was broke from buying gifts. I hear weddings pick back up when you're in your 40s...second marriages. But today I have a wedding of a friend's little sister. Off to the store for a new dress, shoes and purse..and of course a gift. I'm very excited.
I'm taking DD to a sleep over at a friends. S. is meeting me at the wedding because he has to work. That means I can drink, have fun, flirt! On the way to the friends...she starts crying..my stomach hurts...oh don't start this crap!
She use to do this all the time when she was younger.....insisting she was sick when really wasn't. She had a nervous stomach. But we were past this..she hasn't done this in a year or two.
10:30 my cell rings...it's my friend D. I have to come pick up DD she is sick. Thank god S is there I don't think I couldn't have driven otherwise. Off to pick her up, my night cut short. Sunday we don't let her out of the house "she is sick".
Monday is her first day of camp...guess what?!?!? 11:30 I get a call...have to pick her up again! S is in the city..to far to go pick her up. I car pool to work so my car pool buddy agrees to cut his day short too and off we go to pick her up.
At this point I'm more than irritated but of course I wonder "what if she really is sick?" I call the doctors to make an appointment, we have one for 2:30 that day.
By 1:00 she claims to be fine, she doesn't want to go to the doctor. TOUGH! You're going! Off to the doctor who declares her perfectly fine, but does tell me this is a common occurrence in children her age....it's psychological...but they do have "real" physical symptoms they tell me. My kid? She talks about everything! How could she be bottling things up?? What's going on!!
The next morning S is talking her to camp yet again and she is crying...doesn't want to go, her stomach hurts...etc..etc.. He's late for work, I'm standing outside my building at work on my cell phone. ..begging, pleading for her to calm down.... I can't leave work again. I don't know what is going on.... I worry what is she is really sick? What if this isn't all in her head? And if it is all in her head what the heck is going on in there?? She says she likes camp....she says nothing is bothering her...I just don't know what to do! So as any good mother would do, I bribe her...I tell her if she goes to camp and manages to finish the week we can go get a pair of those blasted Heelys she wants so badly...so guess what I did this weekend?? We went and spent $65.00 on a pair sneakers for a 9 yr old. The things I swore I'd never do!!
Warning..read at your own risk!!
First I just want to say that I'm sure my blog will offend quite a few people and you know what I don't care! So if you do decide to read...do so at your own risk. If you send me emails...I will post them, probably with my comments...Edit to make you look like an ass..be warned.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Referral rumors...
I watch the referral rumors with a bit of interest but I'm not sitting on pins and needles like those with log in dates over 10 months ago or LIDs period! I watch b/c I figure I'd like to know an approximate time frame of when I'll get my little girl. And by the looks of things that will be sometime around my 40th birthday (which is 5 yrs from now). DD will be 14....I know it won't be that long but it seems every month for the last few they have only released a few days of referrals...this month several of the large agencies in the "know" are saying it will actually be 2weeks of referrals...well that is the rumor anyway...referral up and including 6/28...one of the blogs that is one of my favs..the Naked Ovary has a LID of 6/29... I would be pulling my hair out. I'll smash something against a wall in your honor...I feel for you! But at this rate we can assume the time frame will be doubling...and I'm still waiting for my I 171H (thanks home study agency!!!!). So it would be 24 mos for me. Of course no one really knows. From what I have been told the last time waits got this long, suddenly referrals starting coming at 6-8 mos. One could only hope...but see now I've submitted my application...and I've must have done something really wrong in a previous life because with my luck...the wait will be 24 months!
Friday, June 16, 2006
Why adopt part 2
First of all I don't know how many "parts" will be able to explain why I've come to adoption. And really it isn't all about adoption. I guess maybe it is the story of my adult life or how I became an adult.
I became pregnant with my daugther when I was 25. I wasn't ready to get married but I did because I was afraid of my father. 25 and still afraid of my dad, sad isn't it? I think even now at 35 I'm still a little afraid of him.
Anyway I didn't want to be married and I didn't want to be pregnant...I was having too much fun. So it was 9 month of kind of floathing thru the moments of life. Smiling because I was told I should..crying many nights because I didn't know what I had gotten myself into. But I have a wonderful ability to ignore reality and that is just what I did for almost 9 months. She was a bit early...by about almost 3 weeks. I was having cramps...figured this couldn't be it...but it was 72 hours later I had the most beautiful 8lb baby girl (thank god she came three weeks early what would she have been 11lbs!?!?). And I was in love...immediately. All the not wanting to be pregnant, not wanting to be married didn't matter anymore. I was a mother and I never in all my life loved anything so purely...so much.
My one regret...is that I didn't enjoy my pregnancy, didn't choose this to happen. I still want to feel a baby grow inside my belly...I ignored reality...I didn't savor it. And I'll never have that chance again. But I still want a baby damn it.
I became pregnant with my daugther when I was 25. I wasn't ready to get married but I did because I was afraid of my father. 25 and still afraid of my dad, sad isn't it? I think even now at 35 I'm still a little afraid of him.
Anyway I didn't want to be married and I didn't want to be pregnant...I was having too much fun. So it was 9 month of kind of floathing thru the moments of life. Smiling because I was told I should..crying many nights because I didn't know what I had gotten myself into. But I have a wonderful ability to ignore reality and that is just what I did for almost 9 months. She was a bit early...by about almost 3 weeks. I was having cramps...figured this couldn't be it...but it was 72 hours later I had the most beautiful 8lb baby girl (thank god she came three weeks early what would she have been 11lbs!?!?). And I was in love...immediately. All the not wanting to be pregnant, not wanting to be married didn't matter anymore. I was a mother and I never in all my life loved anything so purely...so much.
My one regret...is that I didn't enjoy my pregnancy, didn't choose this to happen. I still want to feel a baby grow inside my belly...I ignored reality...I didn't savor it. And I'll never have that chance again. But I still want a baby damn it.
Finally homestudy in hand!!
The home study arrived yesterday! Yeah! I packaged everything in zip lock bags and realized I didn't have any Priority mail or Fed Ex mailers.......GREAT! I print mailing labels and run right to the Post Office to mail them off...but then I get that lump in my heart. Is everything in there? Do I have the right things going to the right office? Did I forget something. After checking it 5xs I shove it back in the bag...you know in case of some freak of nature it gets caught in a flood..shove it in the envelope and hand it to the guy at the counter. Now I've done everything I need to do. Off to USCIS for that darn I 171H...I hope it comes quickly!! Then papers off to China!!! Yeah!!! Then I just wait......so I'm rushing around to wait. Seems kind of strange don't you think?
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
The F***ing home study!!!
We had our first meeting for our home study the end of March...I picked a home study agency that isn't on our agency's list...Why, you ask? Well because they are closer...they seem nice! The other agency in our area isn't that much further in mileage but the drive sucks and it would take an additional 30 minutes to get there...there is no easy way to get there. They also require a full day at the agency to attend seminars...it seems like home study factory and getting S. (that is hubby) to sit there all day when he can't stand still for 5 minutes seems to be very unlikely so I go with the little agency. Bad decision! Upon our first meeting I'm told the home study should be completed by May. It's June 14 and I'm still awaiting the completed home study...it is killing me. I also realize she didn't even start it until a week ago...you know you start getting phone calls that this form isn't completed properly or this one is too old...if you would have been working on (like I was told) you would have realized the forms weren't right weeks ago. I finally get the email on Friday that the home study is completed and is with our adoption agency for review. I'm soooo excited!!! Yeah! The earliest we can make all of schedules work is Tuesday. So S and I go yesterday to sign off on the home study and I get the "computer" is broke, therefore we can't print your needed 3 copies...so you can sign here on the signature page, and we will print it up and mail it off to you once the computer is fixed...you're kidding me right? I've waited almost 2 months for this...it is the only thing...other than my I 171H (which I need my home study to get) I need to send my documents off to China...and I have to wait a few days more? I can't even scream, I can't react, I'm sooo pissed off that I'm actually numb. Now a few days more may not seem like a big deal to most of you...but in the Chinese adoption world...a few days could literally cost me months in referral times. Months till I get my baby...so here I sit waiting. Best part is I get to read a rough copy of the home study...it says things like I like to fish in my free time...huh? Fish? Who the hell were you talking to??? Not me! But you know what...China will think I like to fish because I'm not saying a damn word! The major things are right...and that is what is important... but to China.... I like to fish...and at 5'3" tall...I'm one hell of as basketball player (in the real world it was field hockey but they are both played with a ball, right?) But again....for now I like to fish and play basketball!
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Letter from Congressman Gerlach
My scanner isn't working...so I wasn't going to bother posting a copy of the letter...but then I felt compelled to actually type it. So here you go, I know it is an election year but I'm still happy he wrote the letter!
Dear Mr. Aguirre:
I was recently contacted by two consitiuents regarding difficulties they are experiencing in completing the foreign adoption process. In both cases, the constituents have a valid I 171H issued by USCIS and are seeking to adopt a child from China. Due to the increasing wait times for Chinese adoptions, both constituents’ I 171H will most likely expire before the process is complete, which means they will have to re-file their paperwork with USCIS and pay a second fee.
It is my understanding that the current 18-month validity date for the I 171H is established by USCIS regulations. Given the nearly 8,000 children were adopted from China by US citizens last year, along with several thousand more from Russia and Guatemala,I am writing to ask that you review the current 18-month validity date for the I 171H and seek to modify the regulations to extend the timeframe to at least 24 months so that adopting families, who already go through a very time consuming process in an effort to extend love and compassion to some of the world’s most neediest children, do not have to undergo the additional burden of filing for a second I- 171H. Since modifying regulations is also a time consuming process, I would greatly appreciate if you would also work to address the needs of the families who are currently in the adoption process and grant to them an extension of their I 171Hs. Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter. I look forward to hearing from you shortly
Dear Mr. Aguirre:
I was recently contacted by two consitiuents regarding difficulties they are experiencing in completing the foreign adoption process. In both cases, the constituents have a valid I 171H issued by USCIS and are seeking to adopt a child from China. Due to the increasing wait times for Chinese adoptions, both constituents’ I 171H will most likely expire before the process is complete, which means they will have to re-file their paperwork with USCIS and pay a second fee.
It is my understanding that the current 18-month validity date for the I 171H is established by USCIS regulations. Given the nearly 8,000 children were adopted from China by US citizens last year, along with several thousand more from Russia and Guatemala,I am writing to ask that you review the current 18-month validity date for the I 171H and seek to modify the regulations to extend the timeframe to at least 24 months so that adopting families, who already go through a very time consuming process in an effort to extend love and compassion to some of the world’s most neediest children, do not have to undergo the additional burden of filing for a second I- 171H. Since modifying regulations is also a time consuming process, I would greatly appreciate if you would also work to address the needs of the families who are currently in the adoption process and grant to them an extension of their I 171Hs. Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter. I look forward to hearing from you shortly
Monday, June 12, 2006
I 171 update
One of these days I'll get around to explaining my story of infertility but at the present time my adoption is in the fore front. I like many people attempting to adopt internationally wrote our local congress people attempting to get the time frame of the I 171H extended. For those of you not pursuing international adoption, the I 171H is the "Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition." Huh? you ask...I can't say I understand it completely but all I know is that I need before my dossier can be sent to China. And I need it to be able to bring my daughter back from China so that she can be considered my daughter and a citizen upon entry to US.
Right now the I 171H is valid for 18 months...which was all fine and dandy until the waits from China started getting much longer...which of course is all my fault because I decided to adopt from China and it seems God or the what ever supreme being up there has a terrible sense of humor. Our darling fingerprints...which we waited for at the Philadelphia USCIS (the new INS) for over 4 hrs...are now only good for only 15 months. The fee for this form is approximately $700.00 that along with an updated homestudy could end up costing me another $1500.00...this on an already strained budget. Then the thought of getting my husband back down to USCIS is almost more scary then the thought of spending $1500.00
Well..as I said above I wrote all the congress people in my area...and the only one that really seemed to do anything worth mentioning was Representative Jim Gerlach. They sent me a copy of a letter to Eduardo Aguirre who is the direction of USCIS...I was pretty impressed by his letter. I also received a call from a staff person explaining that this time frame was not legislated but a decision made by the agency but they would do what they could to get it extended to 24 months. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that something may come of this...here's hoping!! And to all you folks adopting internationally or have friends or family adopting internationally...write to your congressman or women!!
Right now the I 171H is valid for 18 months...which was all fine and dandy until the waits from China started getting much longer...which of course is all my fault because I decided to adopt from China and it seems God or the what ever supreme being up there has a terrible sense of humor. Our darling fingerprints...which we waited for at the Philadelphia USCIS (the new INS) for over 4 hrs...are now only good for only 15 months. The fee for this form is approximately $700.00 that along with an updated homestudy could end up costing me another $1500.00...this on an already strained budget. Then the thought of getting my husband back down to USCIS is almost more scary then the thought of spending $1500.00
Well..as I said above I wrote all the congress people in my area...and the only one that really seemed to do anything worth mentioning was Representative Jim Gerlach. They sent me a copy of a letter to Eduardo Aguirre who is the direction of USCIS...I was pretty impressed by his letter. I also received a call from a staff person explaining that this time frame was not legislated but a decision made by the agency but they would do what they could to get it extended to 24 months. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that something may come of this...here's hoping!! And to all you folks adopting internationally or have friends or family adopting internationally...write to your congressman or women!!
Friday, June 09, 2006
Trying to explain PC
I guess I feel the need to explain why I think we are too PC. I'm am certainly for not hurting feelings...and certainly not about being racist. I want to smack people upside the head when they say the "colored boy down the street" (as sad as it is...someone said that to me the other day). Or that "nice Oriental man over there helped me" (yup...heard that one recently too!) And I correct those people. I don't know that their intentions were to be racist...stupid? ignorant? Yes..but racist? I don't know, maybe they just don't know better, that's all they heard their entire lives. Maybe they don't know the appropriate word to use. Of course...as I said earlier...maybe a good smack to the head would work too.
I come from that 80s generation that always says..."what are you retarded?" Then not too long ago I read online about a group of parents' of some special needs kids being quite upset with Paris Hilton. Apparently "Are you retarded?" is one of Paris' favorite sayings too (who knew we had so much in common?!?!). Sometimes the words just pop out of my mouth. Since reading that...everytime it does I cringe! But I've found it's very difficult to change that behavior. I never did it thinking I was hurting a whole group of people. ...the person I was calling a retard... yes!...but an entire demographic of people? No!
Sometimes I have a difficult time putting my thoughts into words. So I'm still not sure if I'm explaining this over PC thing right or not! My mind goes too fast! I agree we need to be PC..to some degree... but I think this country has gone too far.
For example...At work today there was a conference going on down the hall. Many important people (they think they are important..if they were so stinking important they wouldn't be state employees!) were gathering at the end of the hall and apparently there was a coffee machine problem. The coffee machine nazi (that isn't too PC is it?) wasn't in. So the back up coffee nazi had to go refund the guys money...but the gentleman had left the note w/ another woman in the office. Confused yet? So this women walks coffee nazi #2 into the hall...points down the corridor to the group of about 8 people and proceeds to tell the coffee nazi that it was the guy in the blue shirt. Well, there are 2 guys in blue shirts...one black and one white. So coffee nazi say..."which one?" The women answers..."the one with the glasses." Huh? I mean was she truly and honestly just too afraid to say the black guy? Then another woman who was standing there (an African American women) turns around and says..."you mean the black guy?" I just cracked up. I mean what can you say to that!? I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes in our journey to be so PC what we are trying to say just gets muddled up. Sometimes we need to say just what needs to be said. We dance around the point...wasting everyone's time while they are trying to figure out what the real message is....and it just gets old. It gets tiring...and to be honest it isn't helping anyone.
During my home study the social worker wanted to know why I wanted to adopt a child from China. I pondered this question for sometime...went to websites...read message boards and blogs. Why did I want to adopt a child from China and not another country or even here in the US? Well for me the reasons were pretty clear.
So I guess my point is lets just stop all the PCnessbullshit and say what's on our minds, of course say it so not to offend everyone but realize no matter what you say, you will offend someone! Speak the obvious instead of hiding behind all the PCness bullshit... Otherwise what you are really trying to say gets lost in all the PCness bullshit
I come from that 80s generation that always says..."what are you retarded?" Then not too long ago I read online about a group of parents' of some special needs kids being quite upset with Paris Hilton. Apparently "Are you retarded?" is one of Paris' favorite sayings too (who knew we had so much in common?!?!). Sometimes the words just pop out of my mouth. Since reading that...everytime it does I cringe! But I've found it's very difficult to change that behavior. I never did it thinking I was hurting a whole group of people. ...the person I was calling a retard... yes!...but an entire demographic of people? No!
Sometimes I have a difficult time putting my thoughts into words. So I'm still not sure if I'm explaining this over PC thing right or not! My mind goes too fast! I agree we need to be PC..to some degree... but I think this country has gone too far.
For example...At work today there was a conference going on down the hall. Many important people (they think they are important..if they were so stinking important they wouldn't be state employees!) were gathering at the end of the hall and apparently there was a coffee machine problem. The coffee machine nazi (that isn't too PC is it?) wasn't in. So the back up coffee nazi had to go refund the guys money...but the gentleman had left the note w/ another woman in the office. Confused yet? So this women walks coffee nazi #2 into the hall...points down the corridor to the group of about 8 people and proceeds to tell the coffee nazi that it was the guy in the blue shirt. Well, there are 2 guys in blue shirts...one black and one white. So coffee nazi say..."which one?" The women answers..."the one with the glasses." Huh? I mean was she truly and honestly just too afraid to say the black guy? Then another woman who was standing there (an African American women) turns around and says..."you mean the black guy?" I just cracked up. I mean what can you say to that!? I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes in our journey to be so PC what we are trying to say just gets muddled up. Sometimes we need to say just what needs to be said. We dance around the point...wasting everyone's time while they are trying to figure out what the real message is....and it just gets old. It gets tiring...and to be honest it isn't helping anyone.
During my home study the social worker wanted to know why I wanted to adopt a child from China. I pondered this question for sometime...went to websites...read message boards and blogs. Why did I want to adopt a child from China and not another country or even here in the US? Well for me the reasons were pretty clear.
- The domestic adoption system is really screwed up and I don't want to compete with 20 other couples w/ for one baby, to be disappointed again and again..to become disillusioned and bitter (and probably broke!)
- In this domestic adoption I don't want the mother to change her mind and come back and take away my baby because she or the father suddenly had a change of heart. That would just rip my heart out...and I know even if she didn't I worry about this for years.
- Open adoption? Please! I don't want to have manatory montly visits with a birth mother. I want my baby to be my baby. I don't want to live in fear for the rest of my life. There is enough to fear when raising a child...this should be one of the things to worry about!
- Other int'l adoptions...I don't want to go to many of the Eastern European countries... Why? I have a few friends with children from there and I'd say 80% have suspected fetal alcohol syndrome and/or other problems. In my experience the risk of having a child with severe special needs is just too high for me to chance.
- Cost was a huge factor for us too. We are not rich, we pay the bills with a lot extra. This is a one time thing for us so we had to do it right.
So I post on a message board about what I'll say...and I got 100s of emails telling me not to...it isn't the PC thing to say. I must tell them this is where my heart is leading me...because this is where my daughter was born...yada yada yada... Yuh? You've got to be kidding me! I couldn't believe the response I had received. I was just amazed!
God bless the people who feel this way but I'm not one of them. I don't feel some invisible pull from half way across the world. My heart aches for a child..but it doesn't pronounce that it must be a Chinese child. I wish my heart would make all my decisions for me but I have this thing in my head...It's called my brain...and it is the one making the decisions...and sometimes it even screws up! If it was my heart doing a lot of the decision making maybe I wouldn't second guess myself all the time...maybe if I believed in that thing called faith or destiny I wouldn't worry so much. But to me this was a business decision. I knew I wanted a child, I didn't care what race or sex (well I did want a girl if at all possible)...I wanted a child and hopefully a healthy child. And I wanted the process to be as predictable as possible with out driving me out of my mind or into the poor house. And that really left us w/ 3 options...China, Ethiopia and Guatemala...and at that point my heart made the decision...and it was China.
Funny part is when the social worker made her visit I gave her the non PC answer.........and I think she appreciated my honesty. I just can't be that PC!
So I guess my point is lets just stop all the PCness
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Why adopt? Part 1
Wow! Isn't that a huge question...well to some it may not seem to be. But to me it's huge. Especially in this PC world. What if I say the wrong thing? Of course I'll offend someone...it's the way of the world. For the most part I usually don't care...I think we have all become a bit too PC, so PC that in our PCness we end up hurting people so deeply they may never be healed...Am I the only one that ever thinks this? What I do care about is how this will effect my future daughter...and for her I seek the right words. So why adopt? Well to be honest I've always wanted to adopt. I've had friends who adopted internationally and I always just looked at them and thought "wow!" I want to bring a child like this into my home...can I put it all into words? Probably not. I have always been fascinated by other cultures. I had a degree in Int'l Relations in College...I minored in Russian and Spanish...I wanted to join the Peace Corp..be an interpreter...well obviously I didn't do that, you know life happened...and well I found out the Peace Corps was interested more in someone w/ an engineering degree than a language one...who knew!?! But I always wanted to adopt, and I wanted to adopt internationally.
The system for domestic adoption here in the US...well frankly it sucks! I work for the welfare system...I know! I've seen kids go in and out of foster care, only to be continually disappointed by their parents. Then at the age of 10, these kids are placed up for adoption...usually as a "special needs" child because of "behavioral problems." Could all of this been prevented? Of course it could! Again I feel conflicted as I write this...it sucks here b/c we try to maintain the birth parents rights...to a point that we damage our children moving them from foster care home to foster care home...not allowing them to be adopted at a young age. Why? To protect those parental rights! A huge percent of these parents we try to protect have recurring drug abuse and mental health problems...many also have criminal records longer than my arm. Do I get that some parents need protecting? Of course I do...but many don't. And unfortunately no one is willing to draw that line in the sand....where do we draw the line? Is it after 2 offenses or relapse? 3? 4? So we as adoptive parents travel half way across the world. Why? Because the parents have no rights...they are terminated in the absolute since of the word. Not just terminated parental rights...but terminated from these childrens' lives. Many mothers dropping babies off, leaving them where they know they will be found...but never leaving them w/ a trace as to who they are or where they came from. Then we rich white folks, (I'm not rich but I know it is how it is perceived) , take our babies and fly back across the ocean so no one can come and reclaim what we have taken to be our own...do I get this? Hell yes! But do I feel bad about it at the same time? Hell yes! Do I want to adopt? Absolutely! Do I want my baby to be ripped away from her mother never to know her again? No...I don't. But I don't want that mother to come and take her back either....wow! Can we say mixed emotions?!?!?
The system for domestic adoption here in the US...well frankly it sucks! I work for the welfare system...I know! I've seen kids go in and out of foster care, only to be continually disappointed by their parents. Then at the age of 10, these kids are placed up for adoption...usually as a "special needs" child because of "behavioral problems." Could all of this been prevented? Of course it could! Again I feel conflicted as I write this...it sucks here b/c we try to maintain the birth parents rights...to a point that we damage our children moving them from foster care home to foster care home...not allowing them to be adopted at a young age. Why? To protect those parental rights! A huge percent of these parents we try to protect have recurring drug abuse and mental health problems...many also have criminal records longer than my arm. Do I get that some parents need protecting? Of course I do...but many don't. And unfortunately no one is willing to draw that line in the sand....where do we draw the line? Is it after 2 offenses or relapse? 3? 4? So we as adoptive parents travel half way across the world. Why? Because the parents have no rights...they are terminated in the absolute since of the word. Not just terminated parental rights...but terminated from these childrens' lives. Many mothers dropping babies off, leaving them where they know they will be found...but never leaving them w/ a trace as to who they are or where they came from. Then we rich white folks, (I'm not rich but I know it is how it is perceived) , take our babies and fly back across the ocean so no one can come and reclaim what we have taken to be our own...do I get this? Hell yes! But do I feel bad about it at the same time? Hell yes! Do I want to adopt? Absolutely! Do I want my baby to be ripped away from her mother never to know her again? No...I don't. But I don't want that mother to come and take her back either....wow! Can we say mixed emotions?!?!?
Monday, June 05, 2006
Back at work
I'm here at work and I remember why it sucks. Don't get me wrong it isn't a stressful or taxing job but I walk in at 7:30 am and no one talks....we sit here and look at our computers pretending to work. I work w/ 28 people and 20 of them I wouldn't speak to if I didn't have to. And I'm a VERY social person. I'm the kind of person who talks to the person next to me in line at the Wawa...so you have to understand this is pure torture! I do have a few friends here. One I've worked with for 12 yrs and he is probably one of my best friends. Thank god for him...but I spent 2 yrs here with out him! Some times I wonder how I survived. At my old job they nick named me JabberWalkie...because I walked around and talked all day (well not all day but you get the point). But here? Here I come in and sit down and well...look at the computer. Sometimes I even put head phones and pretend I'm listening to something so the girl next to me leaves me alone....oh the girl next to me...let me explained!!!!
I was sooo excited when they started hiring people my age. You have to understand I work for the state...so everyone here is 90....being 35 makes you a "young thing." No where else in the real world am I a young thing. It's good for the ego until you go back to reality and realize you are a 30+ something like everyone else and you really don't look that good! So anyway...they start to hire younger people (again 30 somethings) and I'm soooo excited!!! People to talk to!!! Yeah!!!!!! So one of those "young things" shares a cubicle w/ me...great right? Well not so much. She one of those people...you know...THOSE PEOPLE. She is always right, you can't agree to disagree and she is intensively personal (difficult for the girls who shares her life story w/ the person in Wawa!) I understand personal. I get that not everyone whats to tell the person they sit next to what they had for dinner last night. But she is personal in a paranoid if anyone knows anything about me they will "use it against" me kind of way. Huh? I mean come on-you're not a movie star or a politician...who cares! ....one day I like her...the next I can't stand her. Maybe that is a bit strong...but she makes it really difficult to be her friend. She is one of the most awkward, most one sided people I have ever meant. She shares NOTHING personal...and I mean nothing. Can't ask her what she did for lunch or if she had a good weekend....or you get shot the look of death! But it doesn't stop her from interjecting where ever she feels fit. Commenting on phone conversations, asking what you are looking at online. If she was personal and left it at that fine...but she is personal but then wants to know your business...huh???? At first it didn't bother me as much...but you know it gets difficult maintaining a friendship with someone so one sided. And to top it off she has the social graces of a 5 yr old. No lying to be considerate or polite. If you ask what did you do at lunch...never "Oh I had errands to run." NO! It's "None of your business and I'd appreciate if you didn't ask me that." YIKES!!!!! I try to ignore her...you know it just isn't worth it...but again...I talk to the person next to me at Wawa! I can only ignore someone for soooo long!!!!!!! Well...I could go on and on...but I do have to work! And as boring as my job is...and I know what people think of state employees...but there is work to be done and well...break is over!!!!!
I was sooo excited when they started hiring people my age. You have to understand I work for the state...so everyone here is 90....being 35 makes you a "young thing." No where else in the real world am I a young thing. It's good for the ego until you go back to reality and realize you are a 30+ something like everyone else and you really don't look that good! So anyway...they start to hire younger people (again 30 somethings) and I'm soooo excited!!! People to talk to!!! Yeah!!!!!! So one of those "young things" shares a cubicle w/ me...great right? Well not so much. She one of those people...you know...THOSE PEOPLE. She is always right, you can't agree to disagree and she is intensively personal (difficult for the girls who shares her life story w/ the person in Wawa!) I understand personal. I get that not everyone whats to tell the person they sit next to what they had for dinner last night. But she is personal in a paranoid if anyone knows anything about me they will "use it against" me kind of way. Huh? I mean come on-you're not a movie star or a politician...who cares! ....one day I like her...the next I can't stand her. Maybe that is a bit strong...but she makes it really difficult to be her friend. She is one of the most awkward, most one sided people I have ever meant. She shares NOTHING personal...and I mean nothing. Can't ask her what she did for lunch or if she had a good weekend....or you get shot the look of death! But it doesn't stop her from interjecting where ever she feels fit. Commenting on phone conversations, asking what you are looking at online. If she was personal and left it at that fine...but she is personal but then wants to know your business...huh???? At first it didn't bother me as much...but you know it gets difficult maintaining a friendship with someone so one sided. And to top it off she has the social graces of a 5 yr old. No lying to be considerate or polite. If you ask what did you do at lunch...never "Oh I had errands to run." NO! It's "None of your business and I'd appreciate if you didn't ask me that." YIKES!!!!! I try to ignore her...you know it just isn't worth it...but again...I talk to the person next to me at Wawa! I can only ignore someone for soooo long!!!!!!! Well...I could go on and on...but I do have to work! And as boring as my job is...and I know what people think of state employees...but there is work to be done and well...break is over!!!!!
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Okay...3rd post 1st day
A friend of mine sent me this survey...it is only 20 miles long. I answered some of it and I guess it can kind of be my bio...not that any one of these things in and of itself says a whole lot about me. I'm sure it can spark some controversy. I got thru the 1st 2 pages and gave up...here those pages are. If I feel up to it maybe I'll do the others at another time!
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: M.
Birthday: March 19, 197*
Birthplace: Delaware Co PA
Current Location: At home..where else?
Eye Color: Brown/hazel (I've gotten both..who knows!?!?)
Hair Color: Dark reddish brown
Height: 5' 3"
Right Handed or Left Handed: actually both, mom screwed me up by switching hands as a child..gee thanks mom! But it does come in handy at time!
Your Heritage: True American Mutt-Irish, Polish, German, English, Native American etc..
The Shoes You Wore Today: flip-flops
Your Weakness: Ice cream and wine..... but not necessarily together!
Your Fears: Right wing religious conservatives! G.W. Bush, Stupid Americans
The Perfect Pizza: Anything but meat! I'm not vegetarian but I don't like meat on my pizza.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Complete my adoption from China
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: rotfl
Thoughts First Waking Up: Is it time to get up already?
Your Best Physical Feature: My breasts or at least that what I am told (by men)...I think it's my hair
Your Bedtime: 10pm
Your Most Missed Memory: Being able to do what I wanted..when I wanted
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds
Single or Group Dates: What's a date? Seriously is this survey for 19 yr olds?
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Tazo Tea
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee: Depends on the time of day..coffee in the AM-Cappuccino in the PM
Do you Smoke: No!
Do you Swear: Fu** yeah! (edited so not to offend my mom if I ever decide to share this blog!)
Do you Sing: I do but I doubt I am any good
Do you Shower Daily: Of course -I have been known to skip a day here and there-you know rainy Sundays where I stay in my PJs all day!
Have you Been in Love: Seriously..is this for 19 yr olds?
What religion are you: Catholic-at least that is how I was raised
Do you have any pets: Yes-2dogs, 3 if you count the one that lives at my mother in laws, and one cat that lives w/ my parents....and DD's beta fish.
Renting or buying: Buying only 32 more years to go!
Do you get Motion Sickness: sometimes.
Do you think you are Attractive: Sometimes those time come much less now that I'm 35!
Are you a Health Freak: Oh my god no! You did see the wine and ice cream comment right?
Do you get along with your Parents: Sometimes....more now that I'm older...they still irritate the hell out of me..but I guess I'm more forgiving..and I live 3 hrs away!
Do you like Thunderstorms: yes
Do you like your job -It's like watching paint dry. The job is easy, they pay and the people suck...but considering I don't do much it isn't that bad.
In the past month have you gone to church: No! I haven't gone in the last year...maybe 2...hey I have a wedding next weekend...will that count?
In the past month have you exercised: no...well I did walk a few miles a day while on vacation.
childrenave chlidren: Yes, 1 DD (9)
In the past month have you gone to a movie: Does Ice Age 2 count?
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Just went yesterday
In the past month have you eaten a gallon of ice cream: No, but it is only the 4th and IÂ’m working on it!
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Yes
In the past month have you been in an accident: no -I'm assuming we are talking car accident
In the past month have you been late paying a bill: No
In the past month have you gone on vacation: Yes! I just got back last week form OBX!
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: no
Ever been Drunk: Yes! Plently of times
Ever been called a Tease: Yes, and I was quite proud of it but I'm not sure I would remember how to do it now!
Ever been Beaten up: No
Even been in a physical fight? No
Ever Shoplifted: Yes, when I was like 10
How do you want to Die: In my sleep as quick and painlessly as possible (as if someone would say long and painful!?!? Come On!)
What did you want to be when you Grew Up: Not what I'm doing now! A lawyer, happily married w/ 2 kids (how many of those things have I accomplished...next to none!)
What country would you most like to Visit: Italy & Greece
Number of Drugs I have taken: Illegal ones? Prescription ones? Explain!
Number of CDs I own: ???
Number of Piercings: Currently-4-When I was 21-6
Number of Tattoos: 1 until I can finally afford to have it removed
Number of things in my Past I Regret: Many-but I tend not to dwell...well only at 3:00am when I can't sleep
Favorite TV show: tie between Veronica Mars & Grey's Anatomy
Favorite color: Red
Favorite drink: water
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: M.
Birthday: March 19, 197*
Birthplace: Delaware Co PA
Current Location: At home..where else?
Eye Color: Brown/hazel (I've gotten both..who knows!?!?)
Hair Color: Dark reddish brown
Height: 5' 3"
Right Handed or Left Handed: actually both, mom screwed me up by switching hands as a child..gee thanks mom! But it does come in handy at time!
Your Heritage: True American Mutt-Irish, Polish, German, English, Native American etc..
The Shoes You Wore Today: flip-flops
Your Weakness: Ice cream and wine..... but not necessarily together!
Your Fears: Right wing religious conservatives! G.W. Bush, Stupid Americans
The Perfect Pizza: Anything but meat! I'm not vegetarian but I don't like meat on my pizza.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Complete my adoption from China
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: rotfl
Thoughts First Waking Up: Is it time to get up already?
Your Best Physical Feature: My breasts or at least that what I am told (by men)...I think it's my hair
Your Bedtime: 10pm
Your Most Missed Memory: Being able to do what I wanted..when I wanted
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds
Single or Group Dates: What's a date? Seriously is this survey for 19 yr olds?
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Tazo Tea
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee: Depends on the time of day..coffee in the AM-Cappuccino in the PM
Do you Smoke: No!
Do you Swear: Fu** yeah! (edited so not to offend my mom if I ever decide to share this blog!)
Do you Sing: I do but I doubt I am any good
Do you Shower Daily: Of course -I have been known to skip a day here and there-you know rainy Sundays where I stay in my PJs all day!
Have you Been in Love: Seriously..is this for 19 yr olds?
What religion are you: Catholic-at least that is how I was raised
Do you have any pets: Yes-2dogs, 3 if you count the one that lives at my mother in laws, and one cat that lives w/ my parents....and DD's beta fish.
Renting or buying: Buying only 32 more years to go!
Do you get Motion Sickness: sometimes.
Do you think you are Attractive: Sometimes those time come much less now that I'm 35!
Are you a Health Freak: Oh my god no! You did see the wine and ice cream comment right?
Do you get along with your Parents: Sometimes....more now that I'm older...they still irritate the hell out of me..but I guess I'm more forgiving..and I live 3 hrs away!
Do you like Thunderstorms: yes
Do you like your job -It's like watching paint dry. The job is easy, they pay and the people suck...but considering I don't do much it isn't that bad.
In the past month have you gone to church: No! I haven't gone in the last year...maybe 2...hey I have a wedding next weekend...will that count?
In the past month have you exercised: no...well I did walk a few miles a day while on vacation.
childrenave chlidren: Yes, 1 DD (9)
In the past month have you gone to a movie: Does Ice Age 2 count?
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Just went yesterday
In the past month have you eaten a gallon of ice cream: No, but it is only the 4th and IÂ’m working on it!
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Yes
In the past month have you been in an accident: no -I'm assuming we are talking car accident
In the past month have you been late paying a bill: No
In the past month have you gone on vacation: Yes! I just got back last week form OBX!
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: no
Ever been Drunk: Yes! Plently of times
Ever been called a Tease: Yes, and I was quite proud of it but I'm not sure I would remember how to do it now!
Ever been Beaten up: No
Even been in a physical fight? No
Ever Shoplifted: Yes, when I was like 10
How do you want to Die: In my sleep as quick and painlessly as possible (as if someone would say long and painful!?!? Come On!)
What did you want to be when you Grew Up: Not what I'm doing now! A lawyer, happily married w/ 2 kids (how many of those things have I accomplished...next to none!)
What country would you most like to Visit: Italy & Greece
Number of Drugs I have taken: Illegal ones? Prescription ones? Explain!
Number of CDs I own: ???
Number of Piercings: Currently-4-When I was 21-6
Number of Tattoos: 1 until I can finally afford to have it removed
Number of things in my Past I Regret: Many-but I tend not to dwell...well only at 3:00am when I can't sleep
Favorite TV show: tie between Veronica Mars & Grey's Anatomy
Favorite color: Red
Favorite drink: water
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