Okay I'm back

I think I'm back now. Moving forward, sometimes I feel like I'm standing still, but at least I'm not face first in my bed anymore!

To all those in the adoption world. What the fuck?! God...waits are growing to enormous sizes. I thought I'd be in it for 2 yrs, I prepared myself to wait 2 yrs, HELL, I've been waiting for 9 yrs now to have another child, what's 2 more years...Did you see they only referred 2 days last month! Yes 2 DAYS! What the hell! Do the math people..YIKES! A friend of mine has a LID of 11/10/05...still no baby. I'm far enough removed that I'm not completely losing my mind over this...but if I was her...I'd be back in that bed face down.

So S. and I talked about doing an interim adoption...called my agency, they said okay as long as I have 1 yr between placements...but then all these rumors about being denied a child for ANY.LITTLE.THING. RACE! Seriously...some poor women denied a baby because she is black...are you kidding me!? So I've decided I'm a coward and I think I'll sit tight and just wait...and wait...Oh! Did I mention, WAIT!?!?!?

And then a blogger I've followed on and off for a while, Jen/Chew posted about her horrible "disruption." Disruption doesn't seem to do it justice. I would have died. I wouldn't be back in that bed face down. I would be under it.

And then the comments this poor women gets. I'm sure she lives with her decision every day of her life and will continue to do so. She is putting her story out there so WE, WE of the adoption community can learn from her. So WE don't have to go thru her pain. So WE can be armed with knowledge when we go to China for our children. In an event like this you would think we would gather around and support her but no.... not the Fellowship of China Adoption Church. No, let's berate her some more, tell her what Jesus would and wouldn't do, and keep our secrets in the closet where they belong.

Grey's...Father death

Did you guys see Grey’s Anatomy last night? Let me just say that the death of George’s dad just hit way too close to home. Of course the reason for our father’s death were completely different…but the actually father death….the same. It was like watching it told on TV, just for me, with different characters. Of course minus the board room explanation of what was going on with my father and the removal of the breathing tube…we were told that couldn’t happen.

And the death father’s club? Kristina couldn’t have said it better. It was like, suddenly it made sense…well sort of (?). You really don’t get it until it happens to you. And how do you manage to exist in a world that your dad isn’t in? You can’t think about, you just go on, you go forward. It’s funny how as a child you think of how you can’t manage with out a mom…no child should be with out his or her mom…but as an adult, at least for myself, your dad is the last person in the world who will still take care of you. The adult me now cares for my mom….but the adult me still wishes my dad was still here to take of me.

Happy New Year!

So where have I been you ask? Good question….lets just say since my Dad died things haven’t been quite so normal… And my bother has his head up his ass….dear old brother will now be referred to as HUHA (head up his ass) So much of my time was spent running to and from Pennsyltucky to spend time with dear old Mom. Not that I mind…really I don’t. I love my Mom, but hell…I thought HUHA would be there for my Mother much more than he has…considering he lives 45 minutes from her and I live over 2 ½ hours..…it would make my life a bit easier if he would get said head unstuck from said bum…but hey we can’t have everything now can we??? Imagine my surprise on the Friday before Christmas when I was suddenly informed that my mother would be spending the weekend alone…because HUHA didn’t think to include my Mother in his plans…so off I go to retrieve my mother…5 hour drive, round trip…to have her obsess about the dumb ass turkey she promised to cook HUHA…I tried to tell her that is why you just have HAM! Then I had to bring her back home Christmas morning bright and early so the turkey would be ready for HUHA…did I tell you I really don’t like turkey!?! HAM would have been much better, oh and easier...and if HUHA is so concerned about having turkey he should have cooked it himself!

Now we have made it thru the major holidays…one a month since he has been gone. Dear old Dad could never make things easy…but it fits his persona…he was a rip the bandaid from the wound kind of guy…not a soak it in the tub till it falls off kind of guy. We have his birthday next month which I’m sure won’t be easy either. But I will say running around the last few weeks has kept my mind of things. Plus there is the taking care of my Mother since HUHA is preoccupied with his own grief, and did I mention he has his head up his ass???

One good thing did seem to happen with all the running around on Christmas...SIL called my mother to insist that they spend this pass weekend with them...maybe they are finally getting it??? I don't know if I should hope for so much...but I was able to spend my New Years Eve in Cape May with friends...which was really nice!

But I come home yesterday to read the great holiday gift of RQ site.... not that it's her fault...well only in the ..shoot.the.messenger.kind.of.way. I've been out of touch becuase of my crappy computer has been broken for the past month…so it was quite lovely that I learned on New Years Day that my adoption will be completed in about 30 months……. 30 FING MONTHS!!!!! Why is nothing I ever decide to do easy???

On that note….a Happy New Year to everyone!