Yeah! It's Friday! I'm soo excited. It hasn't been that great of a week....between the head cold and the cramps I really feel like I need to spend a day in bed. Tomorrow night we have the annual D's 4th of July party...this party has grown leaps and bounds every year. This year it's expected to be so large that our friends have actually hired a band if you can imagine. This party is the type of party people talk about the entire year. Last year, S...who rarely drinks got so drunk he puked in my car! He puked on peoples feet! I had to turn the hose on him to get him out of our driveway and into the house. It is quite a story... Last year our friend B. also blew up the moon bounce with the kids in it when a firework veered out of control...you would be surprised at how quickly a moon bounce goes up in flames.
Tonight is MW's birthday...then off to bed really early..well hopefully...tomorrow is a big day! Maybe it will be my year to puke!
Friday, June 30, 2006
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Rain..Rain..Go AWAY!
If you guys haven't figured it out yet...I'm located in the Northeast...the lower NE. And if you see my post about USCIS....I bet you can figure out where!
About the same time my DD started with the stomaches...the rain starting falling too...and it hasn't stopped. It rain so hard for so long last night I actually laid in bed, listening to it for over 3 hrs. It was the type of rain fall that actually sounded like someone was emptying the ocean right on top of your house.
Now I don't live on the coast exactly (my state does not border the ocean...come on..figure it out!!) But I live in an area with many, many rivers and streams. So much so that most people can't get to work...of course I could...but now I'm worried about getting home. And as a government employee in a state where our asshole of a governer declared a "state of EMERGENCY." He won't release us from work...but we can use our vacation leave. Nice huh? How about a raise too? Haven't had one of those in 3 yrs either! But I digress...It's flooded. Houses are flooded, streets are flooded. The turnpike was shut down because of mud slides. People have died! I usually love rain...but this sucks....Rain, Rain, GO AWAY!
About the same time my DD started with the stomaches...the rain starting falling too...and it hasn't stopped. It rain so hard for so long last night I actually laid in bed, listening to it for over 3 hrs. It was the type of rain fall that actually sounded like someone was emptying the ocean right on top of your house.
Now I don't live on the coast exactly (my state does not border the ocean...come on..figure it out!!) But I live in an area with many, many rivers and streams. So much so that most people can't get to work...of course I could...but now I'm worried about getting home. And as a government employee in a state where our asshole of a governer declared a "state of EMERGENCY." He won't release us from work...but we can use our vacation leave. Nice huh? How about a raise too? Haven't had one of those in 3 yrs either! But I digress...It's flooded. Houses are flooded, streets are flooded. The turnpike was shut down because of mud slides. People have died! I usually love rain...but this sucks....Rain, Rain, GO AWAY!
Thursday, June 22, 2006
The things you swear you will never do when you become a parent!
You know I'm not saying my life is easy..it isn't. But I've reached that point in parenting where I don't have to be on top of DD 24/7. And you know it's nice. I can send her up to take a shower without sitting in the room sitting watching her every moment. I can have her run outside to get the mail...pick up her things, read her own books, take the dogs out etc.. life is good. This week however we had a bit of regression. DD decided that every day since this past Friday she was going to have a stomach ache and make my life hell. Friday I get a call from the MIL..come get DD she is sick. So I run out from work to pick her up...she lays on the coach for all of 40 mins and is suddenly better and outside playing with friends. Must be the heat I think...it got awfully hot the past few days.
Saturday we have a wedding to go to...YEAH! I love weddings and I've gotten to that point in my life where most of my friends are married. When I was 26-30 I swear I was going to a wedding every other week...I was broke from buying gifts. I hear weddings pick back up when you're in your 40s...second marriages. But today I have a wedding of a friend's little sister. Off to the store for a new dress, shoes and purse..and of course a gift. I'm very excited.
I'm taking DD to a sleep over at a friends. S. is meeting me at the wedding because he has to work. That means I can drink, have fun, flirt! On the way to the friends...she starts crying..my stomach hurts...oh don't start this crap!
She use to do this all the time when she was younger.....insisting she was sick when really wasn't. She had a nervous stomach. But we were past this..she hasn't done this in a year or two.
10:30 my cell rings...it's my friend D. I have to come pick up DD she is sick. Thank god S is there I don't think I couldn't have driven otherwise. Off to pick her up, my night cut short. Sunday we don't let her out of the house "she is sick".
Monday is her first day of camp...guess what?!?!? 11:30 I get a call...have to pick her up again! S is in the city..to far to go pick her up. I car pool to work so my car pool buddy agrees to cut his day short too and off we go to pick her up.
At this point I'm more than irritated but of course I wonder "what if she really is sick?" I call the doctors to make an appointment, we have one for 2:30 that day.
By 1:00 she claims to be fine, she doesn't want to go to the doctor. TOUGH! You're going! Off to the doctor who declares her perfectly fine, but does tell me this is a common occurrence in children her age....it's psychological...but they do have "real" physical symptoms they tell me. My kid? She talks about everything! How could she be bottling things up?? What's going on!!
The next morning S is talking her to camp yet again and she is crying...doesn't want to go, her stomach hurts...etc..etc.. He's late for work, I'm standing outside my building at work on my cell phone. ..begging, pleading for her to calm down.... I can't leave work again. I don't know what is going on.... I worry what is she is really sick? What if this isn't all in her head? And if it is all in her head what the heck is going on in there?? She says she likes camp....she says nothing is bothering her...I just don't know what to do! So as any good mother would do, I bribe her...I tell her if she goes to camp and manages to finish the week we can go get a pair of those blasted Heelys she wants so badly...so guess what I did this weekend?? We went and spent $65.00 on a pair sneakers for a 9 yr old. The things I swore I'd never do!!
Saturday we have a wedding to go to...YEAH! I love weddings and I've gotten to that point in my life where most of my friends are married. When I was 26-30 I swear I was going to a wedding every other week...I was broke from buying gifts. I hear weddings pick back up when you're in your 40s...second marriages. But today I have a wedding of a friend's little sister. Off to the store for a new dress, shoes and purse..and of course a gift. I'm very excited.
I'm taking DD to a sleep over at a friends. S. is meeting me at the wedding because he has to work. That means I can drink, have fun, flirt! On the way to the friends...she starts crying..my stomach hurts...oh don't start this crap!
She use to do this all the time when she was younger.....insisting she was sick when really wasn't. She had a nervous stomach. But we were past this..she hasn't done this in a year or two.
10:30 my cell rings...it's my friend D. I have to come pick up DD she is sick. Thank god S is there I don't think I couldn't have driven otherwise. Off to pick her up, my night cut short. Sunday we don't let her out of the house "she is sick".
Monday is her first day of camp...guess what?!?!? 11:30 I get a call...have to pick her up again! S is in the city..to far to go pick her up. I car pool to work so my car pool buddy agrees to cut his day short too and off we go to pick her up.
At this point I'm more than irritated but of course I wonder "what if she really is sick?" I call the doctors to make an appointment, we have one for 2:30 that day.
By 1:00 she claims to be fine, she doesn't want to go to the doctor. TOUGH! You're going! Off to the doctor who declares her perfectly fine, but does tell me this is a common occurrence in children her age....it's psychological...but they do have "real" physical symptoms they tell me. My kid? She talks about everything! How could she be bottling things up?? What's going on!!
The next morning S is talking her to camp yet again and she is crying...doesn't want to go, her stomach hurts...etc..etc.. He's late for work, I'm standing outside my building at work on my cell phone. ..begging, pleading for her to calm down.... I can't leave work again. I don't know what is going on.... I worry what is she is really sick? What if this isn't all in her head? And if it is all in her head what the heck is going on in there?? She says she likes camp....she says nothing is bothering her...I just don't know what to do! So as any good mother would do, I bribe her...I tell her if she goes to camp and manages to finish the week we can go get a pair of those blasted Heelys she wants so badly...so guess what I did this weekend?? We went and spent $65.00 on a pair sneakers for a 9 yr old. The things I swore I'd never do!!
Warning..read at your own risk!!
First I just want to say that I'm sure my blog will offend quite a few people and you know what I don't care! So if you do decide to read...do so at your own risk. If you send me emails...I will post them, probably with my comments...Edit to make you look like an ass..be warned.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Referral rumors...
I watch the referral rumors with a bit of interest but I'm not sitting on pins and needles like those with log in dates over 10 months ago or LIDs period! I watch b/c I figure I'd like to know an approximate time frame of when I'll get my little girl. And by the looks of things that will be sometime around my 40th birthday (which is 5 yrs from now). DD will be 14....I know it won't be that long but it seems every month for the last few they have only released a few days of referrals...this month several of the large agencies in the "know" are saying it will actually be 2weeks of referrals...well that is the rumor anyway...referral up and including 6/28...one of the blogs that is one of my favs..the Naked Ovary has a LID of 6/29... I would be pulling my hair out. I'll smash something against a wall in your honor...I feel for you! But at this rate we can assume the time frame will be doubling...and I'm still waiting for my I 171H (thanks home study agency!!!!). So it would be 24 mos for me. Of course no one really knows. From what I have been told the last time waits got this long, suddenly referrals starting coming at 6-8 mos. One could only hope...but see now I've submitted my application...and I've must have done something really wrong in a previous life because with my luck...the wait will be 24 months!
Friday, June 16, 2006
Why adopt part 2
First of all I don't know how many "parts" will be able to explain why I've come to adoption. And really it isn't all about adoption. I guess maybe it is the story of my adult life or how I became an adult.
I became pregnant with my daugther when I was 25. I wasn't ready to get married but I did because I was afraid of my father. 25 and still afraid of my dad, sad isn't it? I think even now at 35 I'm still a little afraid of him.
Anyway I didn't want to be married and I didn't want to be pregnant...I was having too much fun. So it was 9 month of kind of floathing thru the moments of life. Smiling because I was told I should..crying many nights because I didn't know what I had gotten myself into. But I have a wonderful ability to ignore reality and that is just what I did for almost 9 months. She was a bit early...by about almost 3 weeks. I was having cramps...figured this couldn't be it...but it was 72 hours later I had the most beautiful 8lb baby girl (thank god she came three weeks early what would she have been 11lbs!?!?). And I was in love...immediately. All the not wanting to be pregnant, not wanting to be married didn't matter anymore. I was a mother and I never in all my life loved anything so purely...so much.
My one regret...is that I didn't enjoy my pregnancy, didn't choose this to happen. I still want to feel a baby grow inside my belly...I ignored reality...I didn't savor it. And I'll never have that chance again. But I still want a baby damn it.
I became pregnant with my daugther when I was 25. I wasn't ready to get married but I did because I was afraid of my father. 25 and still afraid of my dad, sad isn't it? I think even now at 35 I'm still a little afraid of him.
Anyway I didn't want to be married and I didn't want to be pregnant...I was having too much fun. So it was 9 month of kind of floathing thru the moments of life. Smiling because I was told I should..crying many nights because I didn't know what I had gotten myself into. But I have a wonderful ability to ignore reality and that is just what I did for almost 9 months. She was a bit early...by about almost 3 weeks. I was having cramps...figured this couldn't be it...but it was 72 hours later I had the most beautiful 8lb baby girl (thank god she came three weeks early what would she have been 11lbs!?!?). And I was in love...immediately. All the not wanting to be pregnant, not wanting to be married didn't matter anymore. I was a mother and I never in all my life loved anything so purely...so much.
My one regret...is that I didn't enjoy my pregnancy, didn't choose this to happen. I still want to feel a baby grow inside my belly...I ignored reality...I didn't savor it. And I'll never have that chance again. But I still want a baby damn it.
Finally homestudy in hand!!
The home study arrived yesterday! Yeah! I packaged everything in zip lock bags and realized I didn't have any Priority mail or Fed Ex mailers.......GREAT! I print mailing labels and run right to the Post Office to mail them off...but then I get that lump in my heart. Is everything in there? Do I have the right things going to the right office? Did I forget something. After checking it 5xs I shove it back in the bag...you know in case of some freak of nature it gets caught in a flood..shove it in the envelope and hand it to the guy at the counter. Now I've done everything I need to do. Off to USCIS for that darn I 171H...I hope it comes quickly!! Then papers off to China!!! Yeah!!! Then I just wait......so I'm rushing around to wait. Seems kind of strange don't you think?
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
The F***ing home study!!!
We had our first meeting for our home study the end of March...I picked a home study agency that isn't on our agency's list...Why, you ask? Well because they are closer...they seem nice! The other agency in our area isn't that much further in mileage but the drive sucks and it would take an additional 30 minutes to get there...there is no easy way to get there. They also require a full day at the agency to attend seminars...it seems like home study factory and getting S. (that is hubby) to sit there all day when he can't stand still for 5 minutes seems to be very unlikely so I go with the little agency. Bad decision! Upon our first meeting I'm told the home study should be completed by May. It's June 14 and I'm still awaiting the completed home study...it is killing me. I also realize she didn't even start it until a week ago...you know you start getting phone calls that this form isn't completed properly or this one is too old...if you would have been working on (like I was told) you would have realized the forms weren't right weeks ago. I finally get the email on Friday that the home study is completed and is with our adoption agency for review. I'm soooo excited!!! Yeah! The earliest we can make all of schedules work is Tuesday. So S and I go yesterday to sign off on the home study and I get the "computer" is broke, therefore we can't print your needed 3 copies...so you can sign here on the signature page, and we will print it up and mail it off to you once the computer is fixed...you're kidding me right? I've waited almost 2 months for this...it is the only thing...other than my I 171H (which I need my home study to get) I need to send my documents off to China...and I have to wait a few days more? I can't even scream, I can't react, I'm sooo pissed off that I'm actually numb. Now a few days more may not seem like a big deal to most of you...but in the Chinese adoption world...a few days could literally cost me months in referral times. Months till I get my baby...so here I sit waiting. Best part is I get to read a rough copy of the home study...it says things like I like to fish in my free time...huh? Fish? Who the hell were you talking to??? Not me! But you know what...China will think I like to fish because I'm not saying a damn word! The major things are right...and that is what is important... but to China.... I like to fish...and at 5'3" tall...I'm one hell of as basketball player (in the real world it was field hockey but they are both played with a ball, right?) But again....for now I like to fish and play basketball!
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Letter from Congressman Gerlach
My scanner isn't working...so I wasn't going to bother posting a copy of the letter...but then I felt compelled to actually type it. So here you go, I know it is an election year but I'm still happy he wrote the letter!
Dear Mr. Aguirre:
I was recently contacted by two consitiuents regarding difficulties they are experiencing in completing the foreign adoption process. In both cases, the constituents have a valid I 171H issued by USCIS and are seeking to adopt a child from China. Due to the increasing wait times for Chinese adoptions, both constituents’ I 171H will most likely expire before the process is complete, which means they will have to re-file their paperwork with USCIS and pay a second fee.
It is my understanding that the current 18-month validity date for the I 171H is established by USCIS regulations. Given the nearly 8,000 children were adopted from China by US citizens last year, along with several thousand more from Russia and Guatemala,I am writing to ask that you review the current 18-month validity date for the I 171H and seek to modify the regulations to extend the timeframe to at least 24 months so that adopting families, who already go through a very time consuming process in an effort to extend love and compassion to some of the world’s most neediest children, do not have to undergo the additional burden of filing for a second I- 171H. Since modifying regulations is also a time consuming process, I would greatly appreciate if you would also work to address the needs of the families who are currently in the adoption process and grant to them an extension of their I 171Hs. Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter. I look forward to hearing from you shortly
Dear Mr. Aguirre:
I was recently contacted by two consitiuents regarding difficulties they are experiencing in completing the foreign adoption process. In both cases, the constituents have a valid I 171H issued by USCIS and are seeking to adopt a child from China. Due to the increasing wait times for Chinese adoptions, both constituents’ I 171H will most likely expire before the process is complete, which means they will have to re-file their paperwork with USCIS and pay a second fee.
It is my understanding that the current 18-month validity date for the I 171H is established by USCIS regulations. Given the nearly 8,000 children were adopted from China by US citizens last year, along with several thousand more from Russia and Guatemala,I am writing to ask that you review the current 18-month validity date for the I 171H and seek to modify the regulations to extend the timeframe to at least 24 months so that adopting families, who already go through a very time consuming process in an effort to extend love and compassion to some of the world’s most neediest children, do not have to undergo the additional burden of filing for a second I- 171H. Since modifying regulations is also a time consuming process, I would greatly appreciate if you would also work to address the needs of the families who are currently in the adoption process and grant to them an extension of their I 171Hs. Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter. I look forward to hearing from you shortly
Monday, June 12, 2006
I 171 update
One of these days I'll get around to explaining my story of infertility but at the present time my adoption is in the fore front. I like many people attempting to adopt internationally wrote our local congress people attempting to get the time frame of the I 171H extended. For those of you not pursuing international adoption, the I 171H is the "Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition." Huh? you ask...I can't say I understand it completely but all I know is that I need before my dossier can be sent to China. And I need it to be able to bring my daughter back from China so that she can be considered my daughter and a citizen upon entry to US.
Right now the I 171H is valid for 18 months...which was all fine and dandy until the waits from China started getting much longer...which of course is all my fault because I decided to adopt from China and it seems God or the what ever supreme being up there has a terrible sense of humor. Our darling fingerprints...which we waited for at the Philadelphia USCIS (the new INS) for over 4 hrs...are now only good for only 15 months. The fee for this form is approximately $700.00 that along with an updated homestudy could end up costing me another $1500.00...this on an already strained budget. Then the thought of getting my husband back down to USCIS is almost more scary then the thought of spending $1500.00
Well..as I said above I wrote all the congress people in my area...and the only one that really seemed to do anything worth mentioning was Representative Jim Gerlach. They sent me a copy of a letter to Eduardo Aguirre who is the direction of USCIS...I was pretty impressed by his letter. I also received a call from a staff person explaining that this time frame was not legislated but a decision made by the agency but they would do what they could to get it extended to 24 months. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that something may come of this...here's hoping!! And to all you folks adopting internationally or have friends or family adopting internationally...write to your congressman or women!!
Right now the I 171H is valid for 18 months...which was all fine and dandy until the waits from China started getting much longer...which of course is all my fault because I decided to adopt from China and it seems God or the what ever supreme being up there has a terrible sense of humor. Our darling fingerprints...which we waited for at the Philadelphia USCIS (the new INS) for over 4 hrs...are now only good for only 15 months. The fee for this form is approximately $700.00 that along with an updated homestudy could end up costing me another $1500.00...this on an already strained budget. Then the thought of getting my husband back down to USCIS is almost more scary then the thought of spending $1500.00
Well..as I said above I wrote all the congress people in my area...and the only one that really seemed to do anything worth mentioning was Representative Jim Gerlach. They sent me a copy of a letter to Eduardo Aguirre who is the direction of USCIS...I was pretty impressed by his letter. I also received a call from a staff person explaining that this time frame was not legislated but a decision made by the agency but they would do what they could to get it extended to 24 months. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that something may come of this...here's hoping!! And to all you folks adopting internationally or have friends or family adopting internationally...write to your congressman or women!!
Friday, June 09, 2006
Trying to explain PC
I guess I feel the need to explain why I think we are too PC. I'm am certainly for not hurting feelings...and certainly not about being racist. I want to smack people upside the head when they say the "colored boy down the street" (as sad as it is...someone said that to me the other day). Or that "nice Oriental man over there helped me" (yup...heard that one recently too!) And I correct those people. I don't know that their intentions were to be racist...stupid? ignorant? Yes..but racist? I don't know, maybe they just don't know better, that's all they heard their entire lives. Maybe they don't know the appropriate word to use. Of course...as I said earlier...maybe a good smack to the head would work too.
I come from that 80s generation that always says..."what are you retarded?" Then not too long ago I read online about a group of parents' of some special needs kids being quite upset with Paris Hilton. Apparently "Are you retarded?" is one of Paris' favorite sayings too (who knew we had so much in common?!?!). Sometimes the words just pop out of my mouth. Since reading that...everytime it does I cringe! But I've found it's very difficult to change that behavior. I never did it thinking I was hurting a whole group of people. ...the person I was calling a retard... yes!...but an entire demographic of people? No!
Sometimes I have a difficult time putting my thoughts into words. So I'm still not sure if I'm explaining this over PC thing right or not! My mind goes too fast! I agree we need to be PC..to some degree... but I think this country has gone too far.
For example...At work today there was a conference going on down the hall. Many important people (they think they are important..if they were so stinking important they wouldn't be state employees!) were gathering at the end of the hall and apparently there was a coffee machine problem. The coffee machine nazi (that isn't too PC is it?) wasn't in. So the back up coffee nazi had to go refund the guys money...but the gentleman had left the note w/ another woman in the office. Confused yet? So this women walks coffee nazi #2 into the hall...points down the corridor to the group of about 8 people and proceeds to tell the coffee nazi that it was the guy in the blue shirt. Well, there are 2 guys in blue shirts...one black and one white. So coffee nazi say..."which one?" The women answers..."the one with the glasses." Huh? I mean was she truly and honestly just too afraid to say the black guy? Then another woman who was standing there (an African American women) turns around and says..."you mean the black guy?" I just cracked up. I mean what can you say to that!? I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes in our journey to be so PC what we are trying to say just gets muddled up. Sometimes we need to say just what needs to be said. We dance around the point...wasting everyone's time while they are trying to figure out what the real message is....and it just gets old. It gets tiring...and to be honest it isn't helping anyone.
During my home study the social worker wanted to know why I wanted to adopt a child from China. I pondered this question for sometime...went to websites...read message boards and blogs. Why did I want to adopt a child from China and not another country or even here in the US? Well for me the reasons were pretty clear.
So I guess my point is lets just stop all the PCnessbullshit and say what's on our minds, of course say it so not to offend everyone but realize no matter what you say, you will offend someone! Speak the obvious instead of hiding behind all the PCness bullshit... Otherwise what you are really trying to say gets lost in all the PCness bullshit
I come from that 80s generation that always says..."what are you retarded?" Then not too long ago I read online about a group of parents' of some special needs kids being quite upset with Paris Hilton. Apparently "Are you retarded?" is one of Paris' favorite sayings too (who knew we had so much in common?!?!). Sometimes the words just pop out of my mouth. Since reading that...everytime it does I cringe! But I've found it's very difficult to change that behavior. I never did it thinking I was hurting a whole group of people. ...the person I was calling a retard... yes!...but an entire demographic of people? No!
Sometimes I have a difficult time putting my thoughts into words. So I'm still not sure if I'm explaining this over PC thing right or not! My mind goes too fast! I agree we need to be PC..to some degree... but I think this country has gone too far.
For example...At work today there was a conference going on down the hall. Many important people (they think they are important..if they were so stinking important they wouldn't be state employees!) were gathering at the end of the hall and apparently there was a coffee machine problem. The coffee machine nazi (that isn't too PC is it?) wasn't in. So the back up coffee nazi had to go refund the guys money...but the gentleman had left the note w/ another woman in the office. Confused yet? So this women walks coffee nazi #2 into the hall...points down the corridor to the group of about 8 people and proceeds to tell the coffee nazi that it was the guy in the blue shirt. Well, there are 2 guys in blue shirts...one black and one white. So coffee nazi say..."which one?" The women answers..."the one with the glasses." Huh? I mean was she truly and honestly just too afraid to say the black guy? Then another woman who was standing there (an African American women) turns around and says..."you mean the black guy?" I just cracked up. I mean what can you say to that!? I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes in our journey to be so PC what we are trying to say just gets muddled up. Sometimes we need to say just what needs to be said. We dance around the point...wasting everyone's time while they are trying to figure out what the real message is....and it just gets old. It gets tiring...and to be honest it isn't helping anyone.
During my home study the social worker wanted to know why I wanted to adopt a child from China. I pondered this question for sometime...went to websites...read message boards and blogs. Why did I want to adopt a child from China and not another country or even here in the US? Well for me the reasons were pretty clear.
- The domestic adoption system is really screwed up and I don't want to compete with 20 other couples w/ for one baby, to be disappointed again and again..to become disillusioned and bitter (and probably broke!)
- In this domestic adoption I don't want the mother to change her mind and come back and take away my baby because she or the father suddenly had a change of heart. That would just rip my heart out...and I know even if she didn't I worry about this for years.
- Open adoption? Please! I don't want to have manatory montly visits with a birth mother. I want my baby to be my baby. I don't want to live in fear for the rest of my life. There is enough to fear when raising a child...this should be one of the things to worry about!
- Other int'l adoptions...I don't want to go to many of the Eastern European countries... Why? I have a few friends with children from there and I'd say 80% have suspected fetal alcohol syndrome and/or other problems. In my experience the risk of having a child with severe special needs is just too high for me to chance.
- Cost was a huge factor for us too. We are not rich, we pay the bills with a lot extra. This is a one time thing for us so we had to do it right.
So I post on a message board about what I'll say...and I got 100s of emails telling me not to...it isn't the PC thing to say. I must tell them this is where my heart is leading me...because this is where my daughter was born...yada yada yada... Yuh? You've got to be kidding me! I couldn't believe the response I had received. I was just amazed!
God bless the people who feel this way but I'm not one of them. I don't feel some invisible pull from half way across the world. My heart aches for a child..but it doesn't pronounce that it must be a Chinese child. I wish my heart would make all my decisions for me but I have this thing in my head...It's called my brain...and it is the one making the decisions...and sometimes it even screws up! If it was my heart doing a lot of the decision making maybe I wouldn't second guess myself all the time...maybe if I believed in that thing called faith or destiny I wouldn't worry so much. But to me this was a business decision. I knew I wanted a child, I didn't care what race or sex (well I did want a girl if at all possible)...I wanted a child and hopefully a healthy child. And I wanted the process to be as predictable as possible with out driving me out of my mind or into the poor house. And that really left us w/ 3 options...China, Ethiopia and Guatemala...and at that point my heart made the decision...and it was China.
Funny part is when the social worker made her visit I gave her the non PC answer.........and I think she appreciated my honesty. I just can't be that PC!
So I guess my point is lets just stop all the PCness
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Why adopt? Part 1
Wow! Isn't that a huge question...well to some it may not seem to be. But to me it's huge. Especially in this PC world. What if I say the wrong thing? Of course I'll offend someone...it's the way of the world. For the most part I usually don't care...I think we have all become a bit too PC, so PC that in our PCness we end up hurting people so deeply they may never be healed...Am I the only one that ever thinks this? What I do care about is how this will effect my future daughter...and for her I seek the right words. So why adopt? Well to be honest I've always wanted to adopt. I've had friends who adopted internationally and I always just looked at them and thought "wow!" I want to bring a child like this into my home...can I put it all into words? Probably not. I have always been fascinated by other cultures. I had a degree in Int'l Relations in College...I minored in Russian and Spanish...I wanted to join the Peace Corp..be an interpreter...well obviously I didn't do that, you know life happened...and well I found out the Peace Corps was interested more in someone w/ an engineering degree than a language one...who knew!?! But I always wanted to adopt, and I wanted to adopt internationally.
The system for domestic adoption here in the US...well frankly it sucks! I work for the welfare system...I know! I've seen kids go in and out of foster care, only to be continually disappointed by their parents. Then at the age of 10, these kids are placed up for adoption...usually as a "special needs" child because of "behavioral problems." Could all of this been prevented? Of course it could! Again I feel conflicted as I write this...it sucks here b/c we try to maintain the birth parents rights...to a point that we damage our children moving them from foster care home to foster care home...not allowing them to be adopted at a young age. Why? To protect those parental rights! A huge percent of these parents we try to protect have recurring drug abuse and mental health problems...many also have criminal records longer than my arm. Do I get that some parents need protecting? Of course I do...but many don't. And unfortunately no one is willing to draw that line in the sand....where do we draw the line? Is it after 2 offenses or relapse? 3? 4? So we as adoptive parents travel half way across the world. Why? Because the parents have no rights...they are terminated in the absolute since of the word. Not just terminated parental rights...but terminated from these childrens' lives. Many mothers dropping babies off, leaving them where they know they will be found...but never leaving them w/ a trace as to who they are or where they came from. Then we rich white folks, (I'm not rich but I know it is how it is perceived) , take our babies and fly back across the ocean so no one can come and reclaim what we have taken to be our own...do I get this? Hell yes! But do I feel bad about it at the same time? Hell yes! Do I want to adopt? Absolutely! Do I want my baby to be ripped away from her mother never to know her again? No...I don't. But I don't want that mother to come and take her back either....wow! Can we say mixed emotions?!?!?
The system for domestic adoption here in the US...well frankly it sucks! I work for the welfare system...I know! I've seen kids go in and out of foster care, only to be continually disappointed by their parents. Then at the age of 10, these kids are placed up for adoption...usually as a "special needs" child because of "behavioral problems." Could all of this been prevented? Of course it could! Again I feel conflicted as I write this...it sucks here b/c we try to maintain the birth parents rights...to a point that we damage our children moving them from foster care home to foster care home...not allowing them to be adopted at a young age. Why? To protect those parental rights! A huge percent of these parents we try to protect have recurring drug abuse and mental health problems...many also have criminal records longer than my arm. Do I get that some parents need protecting? Of course I do...but many don't. And unfortunately no one is willing to draw that line in the sand....where do we draw the line? Is it after 2 offenses or relapse? 3? 4? So we as adoptive parents travel half way across the world. Why? Because the parents have no rights...they are terminated in the absolute since of the word. Not just terminated parental rights...but terminated from these childrens' lives. Many mothers dropping babies off, leaving them where they know they will be found...but never leaving them w/ a trace as to who they are or where they came from. Then we rich white folks, (I'm not rich but I know it is how it is perceived) , take our babies and fly back across the ocean so no one can come and reclaim what we have taken to be our own...do I get this? Hell yes! But do I feel bad about it at the same time? Hell yes! Do I want to adopt? Absolutely! Do I want my baby to be ripped away from her mother never to know her again? No...I don't. But I don't want that mother to come and take her back either....wow! Can we say mixed emotions?!?!?
Monday, June 05, 2006
Back at work
I'm here at work and I remember why it sucks. Don't get me wrong it isn't a stressful or taxing job but I walk in at 7:30 am and no one talks....we sit here and look at our computers pretending to work. I work w/ 28 people and 20 of them I wouldn't speak to if I didn't have to. And I'm a VERY social person. I'm the kind of person who talks to the person next to me in line at the Wawa...so you have to understand this is pure torture! I do have a few friends here. One I've worked with for 12 yrs and he is probably one of my best friends. Thank god for him...but I spent 2 yrs here with out him! Some times I wonder how I survived. At my old job they nick named me JabberWalkie...because I walked around and talked all day (well not all day but you get the point). But here? Here I come in and sit down and well...look at the computer. Sometimes I even put head phones and pretend I'm listening to something so the girl next to me leaves me alone....oh the girl next to me...let me explained!!!!
I was sooo excited when they started hiring people my age. You have to understand I work for the state...so everyone here is 90....being 35 makes you a "young thing." No where else in the real world am I a young thing. It's good for the ego until you go back to reality and realize you are a 30+ something like everyone else and you really don't look that good! So anyway...they start to hire younger people (again 30 somethings) and I'm soooo excited!!! People to talk to!!! Yeah!!!!!! So one of those "young things" shares a cubicle w/ me...great right? Well not so much. She one of those people...you know...THOSE PEOPLE. She is always right, you can't agree to disagree and she is intensively personal (difficult for the girls who shares her life story w/ the person in Wawa!) I understand personal. I get that not everyone whats to tell the person they sit next to what they had for dinner last night. But she is personal in a paranoid if anyone knows anything about me they will "use it against" me kind of way. Huh? I mean come on-you're not a movie star or a politician...who cares! ....one day I like her...the next I can't stand her. Maybe that is a bit strong...but she makes it really difficult to be her friend. She is one of the most awkward, most one sided people I have ever meant. She shares NOTHING personal...and I mean nothing. Can't ask her what she did for lunch or if she had a good weekend....or you get shot the look of death! But it doesn't stop her from interjecting where ever she feels fit. Commenting on phone conversations, asking what you are looking at online. If she was personal and left it at that fine...but she is personal but then wants to know your business...huh???? At first it didn't bother me as much...but you know it gets difficult maintaining a friendship with someone so one sided. And to top it off she has the social graces of a 5 yr old. No lying to be considerate or polite. If you ask what did you do at lunch...never "Oh I had errands to run." NO! It's "None of your business and I'd appreciate if you didn't ask me that." YIKES!!!!! I try to ignore her...you know it just isn't worth it...but again...I talk to the person next to me at Wawa! I can only ignore someone for soooo long!!!!!!! Well...I could go on and on...but I do have to work! And as boring as my job is...and I know what people think of state employees...but there is work to be done and well...break is over!!!!!
I was sooo excited when they started hiring people my age. You have to understand I work for the state...so everyone here is 90....being 35 makes you a "young thing." No where else in the real world am I a young thing. It's good for the ego until you go back to reality and realize you are a 30+ something like everyone else and you really don't look that good! So anyway...they start to hire younger people (again 30 somethings) and I'm soooo excited!!! People to talk to!!! Yeah!!!!!! So one of those "young things" shares a cubicle w/ me...great right? Well not so much. She one of those people...you know...THOSE PEOPLE. She is always right, you can't agree to disagree and she is intensively personal (difficult for the girls who shares her life story w/ the person in Wawa!) I understand personal. I get that not everyone whats to tell the person they sit next to what they had for dinner last night. But she is personal in a paranoid if anyone knows anything about me they will "use it against" me kind of way. Huh? I mean come on-you're not a movie star or a politician...who cares! ....one day I like her...the next I can't stand her. Maybe that is a bit strong...but she makes it really difficult to be her friend. She is one of the most awkward, most one sided people I have ever meant. She shares NOTHING personal...and I mean nothing. Can't ask her what she did for lunch or if she had a good weekend....or you get shot the look of death! But it doesn't stop her from interjecting where ever she feels fit. Commenting on phone conversations, asking what you are looking at online. If she was personal and left it at that fine...but she is personal but then wants to know your business...huh???? At first it didn't bother me as much...but you know it gets difficult maintaining a friendship with someone so one sided. And to top it off she has the social graces of a 5 yr old. No lying to be considerate or polite. If you ask what did you do at lunch...never "Oh I had errands to run." NO! It's "None of your business and I'd appreciate if you didn't ask me that." YIKES!!!!! I try to ignore her...you know it just isn't worth it...but again...I talk to the person next to me at Wawa! I can only ignore someone for soooo long!!!!!!! Well...I could go on and on...but I do have to work! And as boring as my job is...and I know what people think of state employees...but there is work to be done and well...break is over!!!!!
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Okay...3rd post 1st day
A friend of mine sent me this survey...it is only 20 miles long. I answered some of it and I guess it can kind of be my bio...not that any one of these things in and of itself says a whole lot about me. I'm sure it can spark some controversy. I got thru the 1st 2 pages and gave up...here those pages are. If I feel up to it maybe I'll do the others at another time!
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: M.
Birthday: March 19, 197*
Birthplace: Delaware Co PA
Current Location: At home..where else?
Eye Color: Brown/hazel (I've gotten both..who knows!?!?)
Hair Color: Dark reddish brown
Height: 5' 3"
Right Handed or Left Handed: actually both, mom screwed me up by switching hands as a child..gee thanks mom! But it does come in handy at time!
Your Heritage: True American Mutt-Irish, Polish, German, English, Native American etc..
The Shoes You Wore Today: flip-flops
Your Weakness: Ice cream and wine..... but not necessarily together!
Your Fears: Right wing religious conservatives! G.W. Bush, Stupid Americans
The Perfect Pizza: Anything but meat! I'm not vegetarian but I don't like meat on my pizza.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Complete my adoption from China
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: rotfl
Thoughts First Waking Up: Is it time to get up already?
Your Best Physical Feature: My breasts or at least that what I am told (by men)...I think it's my hair
Your Bedtime: 10pm
Your Most Missed Memory: Being able to do what I wanted..when I wanted
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds
Single or Group Dates: What's a date? Seriously is this survey for 19 yr olds?
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Tazo Tea
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee: Depends on the time of day..coffee in the AM-Cappuccino in the PM
Do you Smoke: No!
Do you Swear: Fu** yeah! (edited so not to offend my mom if I ever decide to share this blog!)
Do you Sing: I do but I doubt I am any good
Do you Shower Daily: Of course -I have been known to skip a day here and there-you know rainy Sundays where I stay in my PJs all day!
Have you Been in Love: Seriously..is this for 19 yr olds?
What religion are you: Catholic-at least that is how I was raised
Do you have any pets: Yes-2dogs, 3 if you count the one that lives at my mother in laws, and one cat that lives w/ my parents....and DD's beta fish.
Renting or buying: Buying only 32 more years to go!
Do you get Motion Sickness: sometimes.
Do you think you are Attractive: Sometimes those time come much less now that I'm 35!
Are you a Health Freak: Oh my god no! You did see the wine and ice cream comment right?
Do you get along with your Parents: Sometimes....more now that I'm older...they still irritate the hell out of me..but I guess I'm more forgiving..and I live 3 hrs away!
Do you like Thunderstorms: yes
Do you like your job -It's like watching paint dry. The job is easy, they pay and the people suck...but considering I don't do much it isn't that bad.
In the past month have you gone to church: No! I haven't gone in the last year...maybe 2...hey I have a wedding next weekend...will that count?
In the past month have you exercised: no...well I did walk a few miles a day while on vacation.
childrenave chlidren: Yes, 1 DD (9)
In the past month have you gone to a movie: Does Ice Age 2 count?
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Just went yesterday
In the past month have you eaten a gallon of ice cream: No, but it is only the 4th and IÂ’m working on it!
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Yes
In the past month have you been in an accident: no -I'm assuming we are talking car accident
In the past month have you been late paying a bill: No
In the past month have you gone on vacation: Yes! I just got back last week form OBX!
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: no
Ever been Drunk: Yes! Plently of times
Ever been called a Tease: Yes, and I was quite proud of it but I'm not sure I would remember how to do it now!
Ever been Beaten up: No
Even been in a physical fight? No
Ever Shoplifted: Yes, when I was like 10
How do you want to Die: In my sleep as quick and painlessly as possible (as if someone would say long and painful!?!? Come On!)
What did you want to be when you Grew Up: Not what I'm doing now! A lawyer, happily married w/ 2 kids (how many of those things have I accomplished...next to none!)
What country would you most like to Visit: Italy & Greece
Number of Drugs I have taken: Illegal ones? Prescription ones? Explain!
Number of CDs I own: ???
Number of Piercings: Currently-4-When I was 21-6
Number of Tattoos: 1 until I can finally afford to have it removed
Number of things in my Past I Regret: Many-but I tend not to dwell...well only at 3:00am when I can't sleep
Favorite TV show: tie between Veronica Mars & Grey's Anatomy
Favorite color: Red
Favorite drink: water
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: M.
Birthday: March 19, 197*
Birthplace: Delaware Co PA
Current Location: At home..where else?
Eye Color: Brown/hazel (I've gotten both..who knows!?!?)
Hair Color: Dark reddish brown
Height: 5' 3"
Right Handed or Left Handed: actually both, mom screwed me up by switching hands as a child..gee thanks mom! But it does come in handy at time!
Your Heritage: True American Mutt-Irish, Polish, German, English, Native American etc..
The Shoes You Wore Today: flip-flops
Your Weakness: Ice cream and wine..... but not necessarily together!
Your Fears: Right wing religious conservatives! G.W. Bush, Stupid Americans
The Perfect Pizza: Anything but meat! I'm not vegetarian but I don't like meat on my pizza.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Complete my adoption from China
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: rotfl
Thoughts First Waking Up: Is it time to get up already?
Your Best Physical Feature: My breasts or at least that what I am told (by men)...I think it's my hair
Your Bedtime: 10pm
Your Most Missed Memory: Being able to do what I wanted..when I wanted
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds
Single or Group Dates: What's a date? Seriously is this survey for 19 yr olds?
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Tazo Tea
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee: Depends on the time of day..coffee in the AM-Cappuccino in the PM
Do you Smoke: No!
Do you Swear: Fu** yeah! (edited so not to offend my mom if I ever decide to share this blog!)
Do you Sing: I do but I doubt I am any good
Do you Shower Daily: Of course -I have been known to skip a day here and there-you know rainy Sundays where I stay in my PJs all day!
Have you Been in Love: Seriously..is this for 19 yr olds?
What religion are you: Catholic-at least that is how I was raised
Do you have any pets: Yes-2dogs, 3 if you count the one that lives at my mother in laws, and one cat that lives w/ my parents....and DD's beta fish.
Renting or buying: Buying only 32 more years to go!
Do you get Motion Sickness: sometimes.
Do you think you are Attractive: Sometimes those time come much less now that I'm 35!
Are you a Health Freak: Oh my god no! You did see the wine and ice cream comment right?
Do you get along with your Parents: Sometimes....more now that I'm older...they still irritate the hell out of me..but I guess I'm more forgiving..and I live 3 hrs away!
Do you like Thunderstorms: yes
Do you like your job -It's like watching paint dry. The job is easy, they pay and the people suck...but considering I don't do much it isn't that bad.
In the past month have you gone to church: No! I haven't gone in the last year...maybe 2...hey I have a wedding next weekend...will that count?
In the past month have you exercised: no...well I did walk a few miles a day while on vacation.
childrenave chlidren: Yes, 1 DD (9)
In the past month have you gone to a movie: Does Ice Age 2 count?
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Just went yesterday
In the past month have you eaten a gallon of ice cream: No, but it is only the 4th and IÂ’m working on it!
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Yes
In the past month have you been in an accident: no -I'm assuming we are talking car accident
In the past month have you been late paying a bill: No
In the past month have you gone on vacation: Yes! I just got back last week form OBX!
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: no
Ever been Drunk: Yes! Plently of times
Ever been called a Tease: Yes, and I was quite proud of it but I'm not sure I would remember how to do it now!
Ever been Beaten up: No
Even been in a physical fight? No
Ever Shoplifted: Yes, when I was like 10
How do you want to Die: In my sleep as quick and painlessly as possible (as if someone would say long and painful!?!? Come On!)
What did you want to be when you Grew Up: Not what I'm doing now! A lawyer, happily married w/ 2 kids (how many of those things have I accomplished...next to none!)
What country would you most like to Visit: Italy & Greece
Number of Drugs I have taken: Illegal ones? Prescription ones? Explain!
Number of CDs I own: ???
Number of Piercings: Currently-4-When I was 21-6
Number of Tattoos: 1 until I can finally afford to have it removed
Number of things in my Past I Regret: Many-but I tend not to dwell...well only at 3:00am when I can't sleep
Favorite TV show: tie between Veronica Mars & Grey's Anatomy
Favorite color: Red
Favorite drink: water
Girl drama!
What the F! My daughter, the 9 yr old princess "S" has just come home from her BBF also known as princess "S" crying.....and why do you ask? Well no one seems to know but S is mad at S to the point that her mother called for me to come get her. Now S's mom is the best...love her to death...but sometimes I think her S is a bit too dramatic...and has a difficult time dealing with her anger to a point that it causes more drama then there already is in a 9 yr old life (do you guys know how much drama these girls deal out? It's crazy...I swear if I acted this way my mother would have locked me in my room till I was 30!) My darling S says she is tired of it...that "that's it!" But of course we all know it isn't true. And dear old dad is soooo clueless...he just looks at me and says...gee I can't wait till this is all over.....OVER? OVER? Oh you dear stupid man......it has only begun!
My first post
I've been blog stalking for sometime now. First it started as a way not to feel so alone with my infertility (shhh!) You know...it's the one thing that no one wants to talk about but everyone knows someone going thru it. And why shouldn't we talk about it?? I mean come on! I am definitely someone who wants to talk about everything...but as I've gotten older I realize 1. not everyone wants to hear it or 2. if you tell people they just assume since you are being this open about something sooo personal that you must have the worse skeletons in your closet! So now I sit online talking anonymously...first on message boards and yahoo groups...to stalking bloggers...to finally deciding to do it myself. Not that I think I'll be stalked in the same way but this way I'll feel like I'm "talking" to someone! So to this I say welcome and feel free to stalk!
So a little (or a lot) about me..........
I am the oldest of 3 siblings. I have a younger brother & sister. I was born in Philly, moved to FL at 2, then back to central PA at 15....talk about culture shock! I have relatives in West Virgina. I'm a cusp Aries/Pisces girl. I'm way too talkative to be a true Pisces...but I do need my alone time. I did very well in school. I think things came too easy to me. I was so use to not having to study when I actually encountered something I had to "try at" I usually found I avoided it...I didn't know how to study. I graduated in the top 10 of my class and magna cum laude in college and I don't think I ever cracked a book. I have a double major in International Relations/Political Science and minors in Russian, and Spanish. I wanted to go in the Peace Corp and be a translator. I'm not using my degree at all. I'm a real Gen Xer, not a wanna be with a real job. I wore hiking boots and flannels. I listen to Pearl Jam and Nirvana long before the rest of the world. I tend to be lazy and take the path of least resistance. I wish I took more risks in life! My parents have been married 36 yrs. I thought they would have divorced years ago. My childhood sucked, it was not sunshine and roses! I wonder how I'm so normal. Really I do...my parents think it was because of them, I think it was inspite of them...In reality I think all three of us could have been doctors if my parents would have given us just a little time and support. But don't get the wrong idea...I love my parents. I think they did the best they could...they are just fucked up. I accidently became pregnant at the age of 25. It was the best surprise I have ever gotten in my entire life! I love animals. I have two dogs. I'd love to have cats but DH is allergic. I've considered getting rid of him for a cat but DD won't let me. If I won the lotto I would buy a huge farm and rescue animals. I have an interest in all cultures. I wish the world could be more open minded. Being different and unique is a wonderful thing! If only we took the take the time to understand each other! I'm a firm believer of agreeing to disagree...again if only to learn, to open one's mind to all possibilties!
So a little (or a lot) about me..........
I am the oldest of 3 siblings. I have a younger brother & sister. I was born in Philly, moved to FL at 2, then back to central PA at 15....talk about culture shock! I have relatives in West Virgina. I'm a cusp Aries/Pisces girl. I'm way too talkative to be a true Pisces...but I do need my alone time. I did very well in school. I think things came too easy to me. I was so use to not having to study when I actually encountered something I had to "try at" I usually found I avoided it...I didn't know how to study. I graduated in the top 10 of my class and magna cum laude in college and I don't think I ever cracked a book. I have a double major in International Relations/Political Science and minors in Russian, and Spanish. I wanted to go in the Peace Corp and be a translator. I'm not using my degree at all. I'm a real Gen Xer, not a wanna be with a real job. I wore hiking boots and flannels. I listen to Pearl Jam and Nirvana long before the rest of the world. I tend to be lazy and take the path of least resistance. I wish I took more risks in life! My parents have been married 36 yrs. I thought they would have divorced years ago. My childhood sucked, it was not sunshine and roses! I wonder how I'm so normal. Really I do...my parents think it was because of them, I think it was inspite of them...In reality I think all three of us could have been doctors if my parents would have given us just a little time and support. But don't get the wrong idea...I love my parents. I think they did the best they could...they are just fucked up. I accidently became pregnant at the age of 25. It was the best surprise I have ever gotten in my entire life! I love animals. I have two dogs. I'd love to have cats but DH is allergic. I've considered getting rid of him for a cat but DD won't let me. If I won the lotto I would buy a huge farm and rescue animals. I have an interest in all cultures. I wish the world could be more open minded. Being different and unique is a wonderful thing! If only we took the take the time to understand each other! I'm a firm believer of agreeing to disagree...again if only to learn, to open one's mind to all possibilties!
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