Why adopt part 2

First of all I don't know how many "parts" will be able to explain why I've come to adoption. And really it isn't all about adoption. I guess maybe it is the story of my adult life or how I became an adult.

I became pregnant with my daugther when I was 25. I wasn't ready to get married but I did because I was afraid of my father. 25 and still afraid of my dad, sad isn't it? I think even now at 35 I'm still a little afraid of him.

Anyway I didn't want to be married and I didn't want to be pregnant...I was having too much fun. So it was 9 month of kind of floathing thru the moments of life. Smiling because I was told I should..crying many nights because I didn't know what I had gotten myself into. But I have a wonderful ability to ignore reality and that is just what I did for almost 9 months. She was a bit early...by about almost 3 weeks. I was having cramps...figured this couldn't be it...but it was 72 hours later I had the most beautiful 8lb baby girl (thank god she came three weeks early what would she have been 11lbs!?!?). And I was in love...immediately. All the not wanting to be pregnant, not wanting to be married didn't matter anymore. I was a mother and I never in all my life loved anything so purely...so much.

My one regret...is that I didn't enjoy my pregnancy, didn't choose this to happen. I still want to feel a baby grow inside my belly...I ignored reality...I didn't savor it. And I'll never have that chance again. But I still want a baby damn it.