It really had nothing to do with adopting...really. It was my attitude dealing with infertility. I wanted a baby so badly that I was willing to do anything. Poke myself with needles, took drugs that made me a lunatic...more so than my normal crazy self. I was more familiar with the probe on the ultrasound machine than I ever was with any man...(maybe that's why I couldn't get pregnant!) And sex when it was time...never because I was in the mood. I just wanted a baby damn it!
So now I look at my blog title and I wonder...will people wonder is that why I'm adopting from China? I just want a baby damn it!? Don't care where she/he comes from!
That isn't necessarily true. I always wanted to adopt internationally so I'm sure eventually I would have ended up here anyway...I think my journey was just "sped up." Now I wish I would have done it sooner. My daughter will probably be 11 by the time we come home with her sister. I think it is sad...neither will ever experience that sibling rivarly...or at least I think they won't...they will be too far apart in age. I doubt I could afford to adopt again....who know what the future holds!
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I'm jumping in. I like the way you write, as if on a little bit of a rant! I do like the red-thread analogy because its about destiny. Once you have your second child, you'll know what I mean about destiny. As for your daughter being 11 when your child comes home, I think that is great! My mom had my baby brother when I was ten. It was as if someone gave me my own real live baby doll! Now that we are 28 and 38, we are closer than any other of the siblings. (two and four years apart.) We jokingly call him my first born. He and his wife are about to have a baby, and I'm so excited. It seems like I will almost be a grandma, but not that old! I wish this type of relationship for your eleven year old and your new daughter.
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