It's now confirmed......

I am old. DD had a soccer tournament today...continuing into tomorrow. First of all it was PAINFUL to watch. They did horrible. Trully horrible. I can't believe it was our girls out there...but that is another story. I did nothing but stand on the side lines and watch and I'm exhausted..feet and back hurt, I could go to bed a sleep right now. Oh..and I'm hoarse from screaming...because that is what I do best...side line coach! But DD is at a sleep-over..she is partying after playing 5 games..I have toothpicks holding open my eyes...and she is partying. I have to stay up till at least 9:30..because since the tournament is tomorrow too she can't sleep over and I have to go pick her up early. Bed is calling my name but I have 3 more hours...I'm old!

I must be getting old

Really, I am. What else could explain the resistance to the time change?? I could go to bed right now. I've been back to work for two days and have offically gotten nothing done...really, nothing...zip, nada, nothing. I've unpacked one suitcase...the other is still sitting in my room. I haven't cooked dinner since I've been home. Haven't down loaded a picture or given a gift I bought. S and DD are out right now...and you know what I had for dinner? Wine, pretzel chips and cheese...how sad is that? And a piece or two of Moose Munch. Seriously..if you haven't had it...you don't know what you are missing.

Since I've been home I've had pizza, a cheese steak, hoagie and Mexican. Why? Because the food sucks in England. They serve fries with everything..and you know what?? The fries aren't good! If you serve that many fries...you would think you would have it down to a science!

God I need to stop complaining! I need to go to bed...I need to stay up...help! I'm a baby...need to sleep!

I'm back!

Wow! What a trip. It was good. It was so good to see my sister and her family. My little nephews are too cute...especially the little one. The older one...well some times I could have strangled him, but what can you expect with a 4 yr old! I could have also strangled my DD a few times too...

I'm tired. My clock says 7:00pm but I could easily go right upstairs and go to sleep right now. I've adjusted to the 5 hr time difference too well. To me it feels to be about 10:00.

I have so much to write about but no energy at the moment. We saw a lot considering we had 3 kids in tow. I would have loved to get to Ireland but overnighters were just too difficult for them. I understand and I got to see things I'm sure I never would have seen otherwise. And I got to spend time with my sister!!

I did get caught up in all that terrorist stuff coming and going to the airport...especially the landing in Heathrow...we didn't know what was going on. We were held on the tarmac for over an hour. Pilot tolds us nothing. It wasn't till I gathered my bags and met my sister did I get any idea as to what was going on. My husband was panicked...which he tends to do anyway...this just validated it!

My sister had a heck of a time getting to the airport to get us. They were making everyone leave and cancelling most of the flights that day. I think we were lucky to get in when we did. By the time we left this Monday things were better but it still took a good 3 hrs to get thru the airport. Luckily I gave myself 4 hrs or I'm sure I would have been stressed, worrying about missin my flight.

I think the pups were the happiest to see me even though S would swear he was. They say dogs don't remember. The are creatures of the present. But 2 of them were so excited to see me that they actually wet themselves. And to think I was actually touched by this...as I write it now it just sounds gross!

I hoped by the time I got home I would have a LID date...still nothing. From I've been told we are probably logged in...just my agency hasn't gotten the info as of yet.

All I can say is if the flight to China is 20 plus hours I'm going to kill myself. 8 hrs on a plane was bad enough. I'm sure I'll be divorced by the end of that flight!

More later...but for now I have a date with a pillow!

I'm outta here!

This is it..I'm out of here. Won't be posting, emailing or blogging till 8/22/06...Wow! Almost 2 wks! Of course, while I'm gone, I'm sure two very important things will happen....one..I'll get my LID! Yeah! And two...DD will get her room assignment for school. She is less than pleased that she won't be able to call her friends to find out who is in whose class. I guess she will survive.

She had a bit of an emotional break down last night. She is nervous, going to miss dad, the dogs etc.... Darling dad also made illusion to flying over the vast Atlantic Ocean. Sometimes he really is an idiot. I was charging up the video camera and pointing at DD's direction and asked her is she was excited about going...as I zoomed in she says, and I quote..."Mommy, what if she crash? Will we die?"

Of course we would die..but I didn't say that. I told her not to worry about things that won't happen and of course we couldn't change anyway...gee thanks S!

Also took a Xanax the doctor gave me for the flight (doctor is a friend)...just to see what it would do to me, I didn't want to be wondering around the international terminal at PHL with DD in tow all high not knowing how I would be effected...trial run! ...guess what it did!??! Not a damn thing. Of course it is the lowest dosage but geez...maybe I need to be on a permanent supply of Xanax. I called said friend...who laughed and said she figured it wouldn't as I can be a bit of an anxious person...her advice you ask? Take two! And drink a glass of wine!

Obviously my sister has internet connection. But I doubt I'll be using it beyond checking emails here and there. So I'm off...have fun everyone! I will!!

Bush lied!

Hopefully that isn't news to you...if it is, please close this blog and walk away...you are not welcomed here. Awesome comic by Doonesbury. It's so sad to think people actually voted for the jack ass....I still cuss at every car I see with Ohio plates (sorry if I cussed at you and you voted for Kerry, I should not make asumptions...but in my mind Ohio cost Kerry the election), Even bigger idiots here in the US think Iraq had WMD.... Wake up America!! We have bombed the crap out of Iraq and we still haven't found any WMD.

God I try to stay blissfully ignorant of all this crap...it's way too depressing to follow the world news anymore...or the local news for that matter...Philadelphia's murder rate is out of control. But this is not a political blog...but it is my blog to express my opinions as I feel fit. CONSERATIVE BUSH LOVERS STAY OUT!!

Hee Hee...I just read the last line again...and it sounds like porn!!!!

WOW! I'm going to England!

I think it has finally sunk in! I'm going to England with my daughter to visit my sister and her family...I leave Wednesday night! I'm so excited!! I haven't seen my sister or my nephews since Christmas. The littlest one was only 3 mos at the time. I'm sure he has changed so much.

My sister and I are 6 yrs apart. When she was just a baby..I thought she was the coolest thing...a real live baby doll. But at about the age of 2 she just annoyed the crap out of me. I don't think I really started to appreciate her again till she was about 16 and I was 22. I remember teaching her to drive stick...giving advice about boys, schools and friends.

I'm told by my younger siblings that I tend to be too mothering...I try to hold back on that instinct now.... that I'm aware of it...but it's difficult. I guess it is part of my personality...part of what I had to do because my parents insisted I care for my siblings too. So bro & sis don't just blame me...it's Mom & Dad's fault too!

I think back now and I cringe. I remember being left at 9 yrs of age to watch both my brother and sister. I look at my daughter who is 9 and can't imagine giving her that kind of responsibility. I'm proud right now because she actually asked to vacuum her room this morning and she managed not to suck anything up into the vacuum! I guess times are different, but I also think my parents were a bit crazy!

So I'm off to pack for my trip to England. I can't believe it's happening. I have to get so much done in the next 4 days. Shopping so S. doesn't starve...hope he remembers to feed the dogs...hope he remembers to give the medication to the old girl! I'm sure the vacuum won't be run or the floor won't be swept the entire time I'm gone! The dog hair! Yikes!

So I guess I better get moving and stop blogging!!

This makes me sick!

It makes me so sad and so sick...there are various reports about thousands if not millions of dogs being killed in China because of a rabies outbreak. They are even killing the dogs that received the immunizations...in case the injections don't work! Only police and military dogs were spared. They beat most of the dogs to death..many in front of their owners... And then are paid the equivalent of $.62!!!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/5244304.stm
I just can't believe this stuff goes on.

It really leads me to think things I rather not. I don't want to make assumption about the lack of regard for life...animal..dog...human...girl. But god this just isn't right. I can't even imagine. It makes me want to throw up and cry at the same time. I think I'll go home and hug my daughter and my dogs extra hard tonight!

Weekend to do list

My weekend to do list.......

FRIDAY
1. Pick DD up from friends after work
2. Rush home and get changed for UK Elite Soccer Camp
3. Sit at camp from 5-8:30 in the 100 degree heat
4. Cook dinner and be sure DD takes a shower
5. At some point take dogs out and feed them
6. Crash in bed!

SATURDAY
1. Go to store and attempt to purchase items needed for trip
2. Pack
3. Clean house, do laundry, errands, wash dogs
4. Go to grocery store so S. has food for the week
5. Take DD to a party at 4:00
6. 8:00 go to DD's friends house to help her mom and my friend K. with 10 screaming 9 yr olds...do hair wraps for the girls...hopefully have a few glasses of wine!

SUNDAY
Not yet determined...but I'm sure it will consist of doing all the things that I didn't get accomplished on Saturday. The one sure thing...pick DD up from sleep over!

Just in case anyone is interested I signed up for a service that will email you new entries upon posting. It is at the bottom of the blog. Just enter a email address and your done!

It's Friday!! The end of a crazy week!

Yeah! It's Friday!! Been a very long week. Between the unbearable heat and having to sit on a soccer field each night from 5-8:30...I'm beat. I've gotten absolutely nothing done..zip..zero.. for my upcoming vacation. DD and I leave for Britain on Wednesday night to visit my sister and her family for 2 weeks!! I miss my sister! I can't wait! Oh and my cute little nephews!! Did I tell you?? My sister also called me about adopting a little boy from India?? I haven't gotten all the details...probably won't till I arrive but my curiosity is definitely peaked!

I've never been to the UK so I'm looking forward to touring. Of course DD got a lot of mileage out of it this week. She had soccer camp all week with the UK Elite Soccer trainers...and guess what?? Most of them are British. She told everyone that would listen that she was going to visit her aunt "outside of Oxford." It did get her a bunch of extra attention (and about 5 extra free soccer balls). Girl knows how to work it. I'm proud!

The dogs are settling in. It isn't too bad having three dogs. Of course the one is 6xs bigger than the other two. It does make quite a difference. And god...I forgot how big of a mess a boxer can be! I feel like I'm running a doggie day care.

MIL is still crazy and driving me nutts. I guess this job that is destroying my schedule isn't permanent...maybe she could have explained that to me before I blew a gasket??? But again...she was dropped on her head so what should I expect? My friends did cover me this week...and to all of them a big thank you!!! Next week she will be with MIL for most of the time before we leave for London Wednesday night, and then about 2 days at the end of August till school starts again. This won't happen next year....DD is going to camp and I'm definitely limiting the amount of time DD spends with this nutt.

I guess I should get some work down before heading out this weekend. Oh and the big news...you would have thought this would have needed it's own post..but I'm trying not to get overly excited because I know it is going to be a long haul....I was DTC on 8/1/06!!!!! Now to the real waiting!!!!!

Red Thread Crap!

Fo those of you new to the China Adoption experience...there is a Chinese proverb...that is posted right at the top of 95% of the blogs...It's the "I'm adopting from China and here is my theme song.... "

"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break."

While the sentiment is nice...it's really not about adoption but about lovers...but of course annoying AP have taken this as their anthem.

Does anyone else find this annoying?? I'm really not a sentimental, gushy kind of person. I'm not an AP shrieking in delight when I see a ladybug. Seriously...get your own saying!! I've found one blog were someone feels the same way as I do! Thank god for Clueless in Carolina!

I seem to complain too much!

I'm back complaining again. Rarely do I blog when I have something positive to say.

My MIL has been married and divorced 3 times. She is currently carrying on with a married man. I am lucky enough that I have only witnessed the last marriage and affair. My husband...god I don't know how he has done it..or how he or his brother are as normal as they are....has had it with her. He is "done" as he says. Seriously the women had to be dropped on her head as a child.

I really think she married number 3 because both of her sons were getting married. She felt left out. When she married number 3 we were all very confused as to why. Her reason??? Not because she loved him..but because at the age of 50, he had never been married, lived at home his whole life and his mother wanted to see him get married before she died. WTF!?!?! To me that would be a HUGE red flag...WARNING...unmarried, 50 yr old, lives at home with mohter...WARNING...RUN! RUN AWAY! Seriously this women treats relationships like I treat shoes...actually I think I get more wear out of my shoes.

She married S's dad when she was young...typical story. Bad boy from the other side of the tracks knocks girl up because family didn't approve of the relationship and they thought it was the only way to be together. Fast forward 10 yrs it's an abusive, drunk fest with a revolving door of affairs....for both of them. Divorce happens...MIL's family...who is a wealthy Mainline family is very happy. Now maybe she can "marry up." Mind you MIL has no money...the only one in the family that doesn't. No education and very few brain cells....hence the dropped on the head statement above. But the fortunate thing for her is that she is a very attractive women. And a ditz...is that even a word?? I tell her she is a true blond and she giggles...like it's a compliment.

Fast forward....S's mom meets new man with money...but not the kind of money the family wants...not old money but money from quick stocks trades...but hey it's money so they are a bit more accepting. She quickly marries and lives a "good" life. Multiple homes, multiple cars etc.... Fast forward yet again. Boredom sets in...she leaves...for what reason?? No one really knows...this is when I enter the picture. I meet husband number 3....fat, lazy, poor, unattractive (lives at home with mother!!)..doesn't fit with the others. As I said above...she has now kicked him to the curb too. Onto #4...But this guy is married, 2 adult sons...architect...owns his own firm....MIL thinks he is going to leave his wife that he has been married to for 30 yrs for her. Multiple homes, rich, race cars....he has too much too lose...she is too stupid to see it. This is such a case of...as my father has said...and I can't even believe I am saying this..."Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"

I'm now cringing with embarrassment over this statement...but god it's so true and she just doesn't see it!!!!!

Now this has added to the drama in my life because she thinks my nine year old daughter is her friend as opposed to her granddaughter. She also takes a new job working 3-11 so she can have her days free to spend with this married man. See...if wifey thinks he is at work...he can visit her at her new town house. I find out...well today. Now I'm scrambling for childcare for my DD...lovely mother in law thinks it's okay for her to spend time with the two of them!!!!!!!!!!! Or alone in the house for the two hours till I get home from work. Seriously I think I hate the women. I know it's probably not a bad thing this has happened. I've often thought my daughter should not be spending much time with this women. But god...3 days notice...in the summer! What am I to do!!!!???

I'm so glad we have decided when our new daughter gets home from China that we will do daycare......I can't subject any child to this!!!!!!!!! I can't believe I've subjected DD to this. I guess I didn't, until recently think it was this bad. Someone needs to smack her!

I love dogs!

I love dogs...really I do. I have two shih tzus...one I purchased as a puppy from a reputable breeder (Lily), the next from a rescue group (Maggie). I've always had dogs, they were always rescued and they were always large! So getting Lily was a shock..and there was a lot of guilt involved. My DD was 7 when we got Lily and unfortunately many rescue groups won't even consider you if you have a child of that age....at least with small dogs...yes you can get a Pitt Bull but no small dogs for you! And I get it on some level. There are many of DD's friends I could kill...get your grimy little hands off my dog...she is a dog not a doll! Maggie would bite them if they pulled that crap with her. But DD wasn't your normal 7 yr old..she was great with dogs. She was a cautious, careful child that had been around dogs of all sizes since birth. She was a dog girl!

The guilt that surround Lily didn't only involve her purchase. You see we had two dogs...a boxer (Mattie) and a lab (Sandy), both rescued. We had to briefly stay with my MIL when we were having our house built. We brought both dogs with us to stay at her house for our 5 months of hell. Well they were older at the time, Mattie was 10, Sandy was 8. While staying at MIL's house, Sandy went blind...but we never noticed. When we moved to our new home and had enough grass so the dogs wouldn't trash the entire house we brought our dogs to our new home. Only to have Sandy...who was always the brightest, most well behaved, easy going dog, pee all over the house and walk into walls...suddenly we realized she was blind. When it happened, we didn't know...but she was confused. Thankfully MIL wanted to bring the dogs back to her house and she did. A little over a year later, Sandy had to be put to sleep. DD held her in her arms as she passed away. It was one of the most difficult things I ever had to do in my entire life. I still get teary eyed when I think about it.

So we decided to bring Mattie back to live with us... which did for about a month. Then we went on vacation and MIL dog sat as she always did. When we returned she wouldn't give us Mattie back. She stated that the month that Mattie was gone, her dog had an episode of depression. He went from being one of 3 dogs...to the only dog in the house. She claimed she was home most of the day and could look out for our old dog. So we let her stay...and she encouraged us to get another dog of our own. So finally we did.

After a lot of research we decide on a shih tzu. A far cry for the larger dogs of the past. After several month of trying to get a dog from a rescue group and being passed over time and time again I started to research breeders. I found one I felt comfortable with in Hazelton, Pa. She had great references and she had 2 dogs that couldn't be placed as show dogs. One had an eye injury the other was partially deaf. We decided on the deaf one! I don't want to minimize my love for any dog I've owned...but Lily was the love of my doggie life! She is a sweetheart! Shortly there after I decided we need another....I always liked dogs in pairs...and I think they enjoy the company too! It was almost 10 months to the day when I saw the add for Maggie on Petfinder. DD had turned the magical age of 8 (It is the magic year for some rescue groups) and we drove to Harrisburg to get Maggie. Maggie was a difficult dog at first, and that is a story all it's own. She was full of fear, anxiety and aggression...but that has disappeared (for the most part) over that past year. Now she is a little sweetheart too!

Well now MIL is divorcing her 3rd husband (that story for another day!) and we have to take Mattie back...which I don't mind after all she is our dog. But had I known...maybe I would have thought a little harder about adding that second dog. Of course I love them all and would never give any of them up. But god! 3 dogs!! And Mattie...she is now 13 or 14, we really don't know which and Boxers don't live this long...according to every vet I've ever seen. Boxers in double digits are rare, boxers pushing middle double digit are a miracle! Maggie and Lily aren't adjusting real well...we have had a few accidents in the house...which of course we didn't discover till they dried nicely into the carpet...and well it's just too many dogs! I've now baby gated the entire house so the dogs can only be in the kitchen and family room.

You know I feel like I've become on of "those people." Those gross people with too many pets. There are little itty bitty black hairs all over the house....part of the reason I chose shih tzus are because they don't shed. I'm vacuuming daily...wiping spit off the walls...(boxers drool...not as bad as bull dogs but they drool). I've forgotten how big of a mess Mattie can be! But don't get me wrong I love the old girl...3 dogs! Yikes!!!

It has only been a few days....god I hope it gets easier!

I've been tagged!

A friend of mine sent me this email...and now I've been tagged. Anyone else reading this has now been tagged as well...post it to your blog or send it to 5 of your closest friends!

How well do you know me?? For instance, did you
know...

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Waitress
2. Bartender
3. Intake Casemanager for the Department of Welfare
4. Auditor

Four movies I would watch over & over:
1. Weird Science
2. Any of the Indiana Jones Movies
3. Breakfast Club
4. Top Gun (Even though I now hate Tom Cruise..I may have to rethink that one!)


Four T. V. shows I love to watch
1. Lost
2. Veronica Mars
3. Grey's Anatomy
4. So You Think You Can Dance? (I usually hate reality TV!)

Four places I have been on Vacation: I've actually been to way too many to list here...but here are my fav vacations memories....
1. St. Thomas
2. Cancun Mexico
3. Disney World Orlando Fl, with my daugther!
4. OBX with my friends

Four Websites I visit daily: God..there are sooo many...but here is where I spend most of my time
1. The Superficial
2. Google...hundreds of times a day!
3. Yahoo...hundreds of times a day!
4. My fav blogs listed to the right.

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Shell fish...almost any kind!
2. Ice Cream
3. Cheese
4. Tiramisu

Four of my favorite beverages:
1. Water
2. Wine
3. Starbucks coffee
4. Iced Tea
I swear I'm not an alcoholic!

Four foods I hate:
1. Root beer & cream sodas
2. Black licorice
3. Any organ meat
4. Anything cherry flavored...cherry candies, cherry pie, cherry soda...etc.. but I love actually fresh cherries.

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. At the beach
2. In bed!
3. At the mall!
4. On vacation!

Four favorite stores:
1. Nordstroms
2. Target
3. Gap
4. Marshalls/TJ Maxx

Four pets I have owned:
1. Dogs
2. Cats
3. Horse
4. Rabbit

Four places I have lived:
1. Ft. Pierce FL
2. West Chester PA
3. Millerstown PA
4. Phoenixville PA

Four things I hate:
1. Birds (I really hate birds...I love all animals BUT birds..I even like snakes!! Well I do like birds of prey..because they kill other birds!)
2. Close talkers
3. Private/personal people...what the fuck are you hiding!?!? And people who are ALWAYS RIGHT...don't have an open mind....you know annoying people!
4. Right winged conseratives....especially religious ones!
Okay...so I've exceed my four on the HATE..but really I could think of about 20 more...sad huh? I've tried to group them together a bit.

Four cars I've owned
1. Datsun 260Z
2. Ford Mustang Convertible
3. Mitsubishi Galant
4. Ford Explorer (which I love but can't afford to drive anymore!)

You've been tagged...there are a few more questions I may add later...but really...I have to go back to work now.

It's good to be back!!

We have been without power since Tuesday. I can't understand why! We had a storm Tuesday evening...it didn't strike me as the 5th worse storm in PA history..but apparently it was. I grew up in Florida. I've seen some bad storms...this didn't qualify. I called our darling electric company (PECO) to see what was up and how long the power would be out...I was told power would be restored Sunday at noon. I wanted to cry. Now I'm not a crier...but at that moment I was in shock ...what would I do without power for 5 days?? I couldn't believe it! I actually hung up the phone and called back again just to be sure I heard it right (it was the cell phone mind you because our landline wasn't working either).

I continued to call every 2 hours since I first heard that automated voice tell me my "power would be restored on Sunday at 12:00 pm." Finally last night after starting my second night with no air conditioning in 95 degree heat, I got an update...Thursday at 8:00 pm...so after 48 hours with out power...I've cranked the air down to 68 degrees...I'm wearing sweat pants and a long sleeved t-shirt...shipping wine and blogging.

Thank god for electricity!!!!!!!!!!

Why "I just want a baby darn it?"

It really had nothing to do with adopting...really. It was my attitude dealing with infertility. I wanted a baby so badly that I was willing to do anything. Poke myself with needles, took drugs that made me a lunatic...more so than my normal crazy self. I was more familiar with the probe on the ultrasound machine than I ever was with any man...(maybe that's why I couldn't get pregnant!) And sex when it was time...never because I was in the mood. I just wanted a baby damn it!

So now I look at my blog title and I wonder...will people wonder is that why I'm adopting from China? I just want a baby damn it!? Don't care where she/he comes from!

That isn't necessarily true. I always wanted to adopt internationally so I'm sure eventually I would have ended up here anyway...I think my journey was just "sped up." Now I wish I would have done it sooner. My daughter will probably be 11 by the time we come home with her sister. I think it is sad...neither will ever experience that sibling rivarly...or at least I think they won't...they will be too far apart in age. I doubt I could afford to adopt again....who know what the future holds!

I'm so proud!!

DD and I were eating dinner as we always do on Friday nights...in front of the TV..barely conscious at 6:30 pm and ready for bed. It's been a long, busy week. I pause on the news...KYW to be exact.... to see what the weather will be like tomorrow. I don't watch the news anymore. It's way too depressing and I try to stay blissful ignorant....haven't you ever notice how stupid & crazy people are usually the happiest people ? To the point that it just seems strange??...Why are they so fucking happy??? Well anyway...I'm trying it out....not the crazy part...just the ignorant part.

I digress....KYW is showing a piece about oil drilling in Alaska..the wildlife, the Eskimos and of course the lovely price of oil these days. And after a bite of pasta, DD looks at me, slightly turns her head and says..."George Bush sucks!" and took another bite of pasta to continue watching TV...I just smiled and thought I'M SO PROUD! THAT'S MY LITTLE GIRL!!

I really hate APC

Seriously, I f-ing hate it. This morning someone on APC asked... "why do some send personal emails as opposed to sending emails to the group APC list." So I respond..."well because some folks are monitored (ME!) and it takes hours for it to appear to the group where as emails to the person are sent & recieved right away".......now it has been hours..............hours and my email still hasn't made it to the group. Others emails I've sent after the fact have made it to the list............gee...am I still being monitored since the awful message board post??/ (see below)...so in my "I've had a drink with dinner" mind set...I've sent a message to the list owner to be posted at a later date (with a response in hand) so I'm sure I'll soon be banned. I f-ing hate these holier than thou people..........really I do. But I also get good info from this group...F*CK!!!!! Really...I hate it!!!!!!!!!!!

Update: As of today...I still haven't gotten a response. Maybe that is a good thing. I'm sure the only thing I managed to do was keep myself on the monitor list permanently! Of well! And I've edited my foul mouth slighty...you know...don't want to run everyone off!

Damn it! I'm really not that tough!

As I stated in one of my original posts...I like reading blogs, not all blogs...because some well...they just suck. Most I like I consider to be damn well written..better then some books I've read this summer. But on two of the sites I like to read...which conveniently are also transracial adoptees...they have noted about being linked on other blogs. Apparently they don't like it! Some how that doesn't surprise me...you know..me be being a prospective AAP...and you know I'm sure my blog title probably offends some too....but out of fear of them password protecting them entirely...most are now password protecting some entries......I'm removing them from my favorite blog list. I'm a coward...I've caved. I no longer respect myself! You win, I lose! Now going to sulk in my corner at work!

Yahoo adoption groups...."Adoption Disruption"

God! I both love and hate them...maybe loathe is a better word, at times. I love them, well basically because I'm nosy and I like to hear other peoples experiences...but god I hate the holier than thou attitude many folks on there have.

If you are part of the China adoption community I would have to assume you are a member of...or at least heard of APC...the yahoo group. Apparently this weekend someone posted a link to a blog where the family turned down their referral once in China...... and once they had the baby for a few days. Of course I have somewhat of a life and I wasn't on top of my emails this weekend and missed this discussion.

Being that I'm nosy... I attempted to look at the blog and it is now password protected. As I said earlier someone posted the link on APC and I'm sure that is all it took...especially with many of those god fearing, god will now damn you people on there.......let me pass on my wrath or god blesses as needed!!!!

From what I understand the comments were brutal...but as I said I missed it and was not able to read them first hand. As I was reading thru the posts on APC I was further intrigued and had to find this blog...first I googled for the cached pages...which got me a little of the blog, one page to be exact. Then I actually came upon a message board where some one had the foresight to cut and copy it! Eureka! I found it!

After reading it..I have to be honest...based on the information given on the blog...which really isn't much considering what they must of went thru (I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt here)...I couldn't really make an informed decision as the "rightness or wrongness" of their decision...of course everyone on APC seem to decide for them.

I, in my great nosiness, wanted to share this message board...because believe it or not there were many like me trying to figure out what the hell was going on...I attempt to post that if anyone is interest...email me and I will email them the message board. Well I get a message from the owner that makes me feel like I'm in 3rd grade....it states and I quote..."This reads very inappropriate. The family has password protected this site, please consider posting this on the large list?"

Excuse me??? Aren't you the folks that posted the link to the family's personal page???? I am only letting people know a copy is available on a completely unrelated website that doesn't link to anyone person specifically!!!! I mean really! Not to mention these idiots posted a blog on the internet...THE WORLD WIDE internet...HELLO..it isn't private!!!

Write a diary and keep it under your bed if you like privacy...you can get one of those nifty little heart shape locks while you are at it! Get over yourself already. Can we say hypocrite?! You posted the link to their fucking website on YOUR YAHOO group that has over 20,000 active members and suddenly I'm inappropriate!

Just so there isn't any confusion...this is what I attempted to write on APC "If anyone is interested...there are plenty of websites out there that copied the original blog.........I read thru it just a few minutes ago..anyone interested let me know and I'll give you the link that I have."
Did I post the link for all to see...no!!!!

But...now I am!!!! Here is the link to the "Adoption Disruption" thread on a message board...that is what it is now being called. Should we just call it what it is...family refused the child.....for whatever reason.

I'm trying not to judge...but god, I would have nightmares about that for years to come. It's bad enough I'm traveling half way around the world to rip a child from it's culture and heritage...which I worry about immensely...now I'm going to go over and decide...well this one really isn't good enough for me...I'd like another one...one that is cuter and seems to be more on target for her age...no "failure to thrive" as they put it.

I don't know..... how would you thrive lying in a crib all day with no one to hold you, love you, feed you when needed????...I don't know...I don't think I would be thriving, how about you? I hope to never face making a decision so profoundly earth shattering...at least I know it would shatter my world. I don't think I could live with myself... oh...they named the girl the same name...that is just in bad taste...I guess she will be forever known as Hannah 2...how to you explain that one to Hannah 2 twenty years from now...will she think she is disposable too? There is the making of one angry adult adoptee...not that they don't have enough to contend with!

Okay, off my soap box now and good night!!!

Did I tell you....DD just told me all her friends told her last night at a sleep over that there is no Santa Claus????? I'll have to save that for another day!